Mum's deterioration

[Desperate39]

Hi anongirl. I can't say anything useful at all except that the last part of your post really hit home with me. This disease is brutal and takes away any dignity. Like you, I remember my mum being glamorous, always well dressed, looked younger than her years, intelligent and funny. Now she wears clothes that don't match, she walks like a little old lady, and the hardest part is how much I know she would absolutely hate who she's become. The only comfort, and it has to come from logic not emotion, is that she doesn't hate it, because she doesn't know. That's the only saving grace of this b&@3rd disease, that the sufferer doesn't know what has happened to them. Sorry this is a bit rambly, just wanted you to know you're not alone xx

 

[Anongirl]

Hi anongirl. I can't say anything useful at all except that the last part of your post really hit home with me. This disease is brutal and takes away any dignity. Like you, I remember my mum being glamorous, always well dressed, looked younger than her years, intelligent and funny. Now she wears clothes that don't match, she walks like a little old lady, and the hardest part is how much I know she would absolutely hate who she's become. The only comfort, and it has to come from logic not emotion, is that she doesn't hate it, because she doesn't know. That's the only saving grace of this b&@3rd disease, that the sufferer doesn't know what has happened to them. Sorry this is a bit rambly, just wanted you to know you're not alone xx

Thanks Desperate39. I think that's what it is. The sheer lack of dignity. I keep thinking of the look on her face afterwards, she was trying desperately to conceal what had happened. She looked like a child who knows she is in trouble but doesn't fully understand why.

I've thought about that, how it's at least a blessing she doesn't know what's happening to her. She's told me she wants to die and I think that is how she feels in her moments of clarity. I wondered for a while if that was why she didn't want to eat.

We just have to sit by xxx

 

[Desperate39]

My mum has said the same to me anongirl. It's heartbreaking. They are thee hardest times, when you think they know what's happening. I much prefer when my mum is rambling, not making any sense, but smiling while she does xx

 

[Anongirl]

My mum has said the same to me anongirl. It's heartbreaking. They are thee hardest times, when you think they know what's happening. I much prefer when my mum is rambling, not making any sense, but smiling while she does xx

Yeah, these days the most pleasant visits are when she is confabulating about things which make her happy. When she looks content in her own world. It's not my ideal but it has become my ideal X

 

[Pickles53]

Desperate and Anongirl, my mum also says continually that she wishes she was out of it all. It's almost the worst thing to hear, the very worst was when she said she wanted my dad back again as that would make everything right. Dad died 12 years ago.

 

[Anongirl]

Desperate and Anongirl, my mum also says continually that she wishes she was out of it all. It's almost the worst thing to hear, the very worst was when she said she wanted my dad back again as that would make everything right. Dad died 12 years ago.

Hi Pickles, my mum misses her parents so very much. She talks about them all the time now, particularly her dad. I think her dad just made her feel safe and secure and everything was ok when she was with him. Perhaps it is the same with your mum and dad? Xxx

 

[Pickles53]

Hi Pickles, my mum misses her parents so very much. She talks about them all the time now, particularly her dad. I think her dad just made her feel safe and secure and everything was ok when she was with him. Perhaps it is the same with your mum and dad? Xxx

I think you are right, in mum's mind now everything was all right when dad was still here. Ironic and sad that she didn't always seem to value him when he was here and too often criticised him in our hearing.

 

[angecmc]

Hi AG just wanted to send my support to you, it is so hard watching this. I hope your Mum improves once the antibiotics are finished, my Mum had a bad spell for around 4 weeks, but this last two weeks she has really improved again, she was not eating and drinking, lost loads of weight, mobility was poor, she was very incontinent. But she is back to eating fairly well and looks better, the incontinence sadly is still there, we had the pooing on the bedroom floor too, it is awful to witness, so I hope like my Mum, yours too will improve. Sending hugs (()) xx

Ange

 

[Ash148]

Sending best wishes, Anongirl, and hoping for better news soon.

 

[bilslin]

Hi anangirl how are you. Its so sad that our mums have come to this. I often think about my mum how she was and how she walks about with clothes that don't match and her hair not combed thinking of you, keep your chin up.lindax

 

[Anongirl]

Hi AG just wanted to send my support to you, it is so hard watching this. I hope your Mum improves once the antibiotics are finished, my Mum had a bad spell for around 4 weeks, but this last two weeks she has really improved again, she was not eating and drinking, lost loads of weight, mobility was poor, she was very incontinent. But she is back to eating fairly well and looks better, the incontinence sadly is still there, we had the pooing on the bedroom floor too, it is awful to witness, so I hope like my Mum, yours too will improve. Sending hugs (()) xx

Ange

Thank you Ange x

I'm trying to stay positive and hope things stabilise x

 

[Anongirl]

Hi Ash and Lin.

I went to see mum this morning and she was eating breakfast sat at the table. Looks like she had a bit of porridge and a bite of toast. She told me they are trying to poison her and they all hate her and treat her terribly. Besides that she looked clean and her hair has been blown and looked neat so it looks like they are managing to get her to shower. Everything is very negative with her though so it's hard to hold a conversation without her telling me something awful but I persevered in trying to have a cheery conversation and we sat in the garden in the sun for a while.

I noticed today that her eyes look "milky" and hazy. I don't mean weepy or infected but the actual colour of her eyes are much paler and the pupil is dilated.

 

[Pickles53]

Hi AG just wanted to send my support to you, it is so hard watching this. I hope your Mum improves once the antibiotics are finished, my Mum had a bad spell for around 4 weeks, but this last two weeks she has really improved again, she was not eating and drinking, lost loads of weight, mobility was poor, she was very incontinent. But she is back to eating fairly well and looks better, the incontinence sadly is still there, we had the pooing on the bedroom floor too, it is awful to witness, so I hope like my Mum, yours too will improve. Sending hugs (()) xx

Ange

It cheered me up to read this as mum is at a very low point and I'm so worried that she won't recover her former level of capability and mobility. A little bit of hope is always good. Antibiotics do your stuff please!

 

[Anongirl]

It cheered me up to read this as mum is at a very low point and I'm so worried that she won't recover her former level of capability and mobility. A little bit of hope is always good. Antibiotics do your stuff please!

Fingers crossed! X

 

[Ash148]

Cheering for me too, as my mum also at a low point: moved from care home to hospital psych ward this morning as she has needed 1:1 24/7 since Mon evening and care home can't cope. Let's hope your mum is starting a trend Anongirl

 

[Raggedrobin]

That's weird about her eyes, Anon, when my mum is a bit off her eyes do that, go milky and sort of distant. Weird thing.

 

[jaymor]

Anongirl my husband eyes go a very light grey and I can tell he is not focusing and seems to not see at all. Other times they are his usual dark grey and he is focusing and looking around and will have eye contact.

Jay

 

[Anongirl]

She did look distant and didn't seem to be focussing when she looked at me. Her eyes are grey too but they looked like a milky blue today with a tiny pupil.

I wish I knew what these things meant. There are so many unanswered questions. So much about dementia seems unknown.

 

[Sue J]

She did look distant and didn't seem to be focussing when she looked at me. Her eyes are grey too but they looked like a milky blue today with a tiny pupil.

I wish I knew what these things meant. There are so many unanswered questions. So much about dementia seems unknown.

I would mention it to the Dr AG, as they don't know your Mum like you and may not have picked up on this.