This is hardly the most original post, but I just wanted to write it all down and maybe get some perspectives on it.
My mum is 84 and lives on her own since my dad died just over 3 years ago. I live 200 miles away, my half brother (mum’s step-son, but they get on incredibly well) lives 200 miles away in the other direction and my half sister also lives 100 miles away. Over the last couple of years we’ve had to face the fact that mum’s memory is beginning to go and that she is a lot less mentally able than she has been. She still manages to run her house and mostly gets on ok with everyday life but gets confused by some paper work and sometimes forgets what she’s told us or what we’ve told her. She has some good friends and excellent neighbours who look out for her.
Mum (at my suggestion) is in the middle of a diagnosis with the memory clinic. She had an initial assessment, which I attended, where she did the ACE test and scored 71 (which I gather is not good). The initial report from the memory clinic was “Mild impairment and no significant risks” which I think is a reasonable summary of where she is at. Tomorrow she has a brain scan, alas I can’t go with her, but a good friend is going to the hospital with her. And then the memory clinic will contact me (of course with mum’s full permission) to arrange an appointment for a diagnosis.
I don’t think mum is fully aware of the implications of the current investigations. She enjoyed the first visit to the clinic (!) and described the test as “Some interesting questions”, but is worried about the brain scan (bless her, when I was down visiting last weekend she asked me would I still love her if the results of the scan weren’t good ) She thinks her brain is lazy and gets a bit frustrated when she can’t describe or remember things, but seems to think she should just get a grip of herself.
So why am I posting? Well to say hello as I guess I may be around here some more in the future, and just to find out how other people cope with the feelings of guilt, frustration and sadness that I’m feeling. Part of me wants to wrap my mum up and bring her to live with us, but I know that would be a bad idea at the moment, and part of me wants to shut my eyes and make it all go away. Most times when I come off the phone from talking to her I want to burst into tears. Last night I was on the phone to my mum when she suddenly squealed and said she could see my dad standing behind her in the mirror. She knew straight away it wasn’t real, but it gave her (and me!) a real fright.
We’re lucky in many ways, my brother is incredibly helpful and supportive and has her to stay for breaks whenever he can. My husband is very supportive and I have a very flexible job so I can attend clinics etc most of the time. But I just feel completely out of my depth and could do with some friendly advice.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.
My mum is 84 and lives on her own since my dad died just over 3 years ago. I live 200 miles away, my half brother (mum’s step-son, but they get on incredibly well) lives 200 miles away in the other direction and my half sister also lives 100 miles away. Over the last couple of years we’ve had to face the fact that mum’s memory is beginning to go and that she is a lot less mentally able than she has been. She still manages to run her house and mostly gets on ok with everyday life but gets confused by some paper work and sometimes forgets what she’s told us or what we’ve told her. She has some good friends and excellent neighbours who look out for her.
Mum (at my suggestion) is in the middle of a diagnosis with the memory clinic. She had an initial assessment, which I attended, where she did the ACE test and scored 71 (which I gather is not good). The initial report from the memory clinic was “Mild impairment and no significant risks” which I think is a reasonable summary of where she is at. Tomorrow she has a brain scan, alas I can’t go with her, but a good friend is going to the hospital with her. And then the memory clinic will contact me (of course with mum’s full permission) to arrange an appointment for a diagnosis.
I don’t think mum is fully aware of the implications of the current investigations. She enjoyed the first visit to the clinic (!) and described the test as “Some interesting questions”, but is worried about the brain scan (bless her, when I was down visiting last weekend she asked me would I still love her if the results of the scan weren’t good ) She thinks her brain is lazy and gets a bit frustrated when she can’t describe or remember things, but seems to think she should just get a grip of herself.
So why am I posting? Well to say hello as I guess I may be around here some more in the future, and just to find out how other people cope with the feelings of guilt, frustration and sadness that I’m feeling. Part of me wants to wrap my mum up and bring her to live with us, but I know that would be a bad idea at the moment, and part of me wants to shut my eyes and make it all go away. Most times when I come off the phone from talking to her I want to burst into tears. Last night I was on the phone to my mum when she suddenly squealed and said she could see my dad standing behind her in the mirror. She knew straight away it wasn’t real, but it gave her (and me!) a real fright.
We’re lucky in many ways, my brother is incredibly helpful and supportive and has her to stay for breaks whenever he can. My husband is very supportive and I have a very flexible job so I can attend clinics etc most of the time. But I just feel completely out of my depth and could do with some friendly advice.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.