Mum has vascular dementia!

[snowygirl]

So Ive just found out that mum has vascular demetia on top of my dad's Alzheimers which was diagnosed in January. Its knocked me for six that both my parents have an actual diagnosis and all I can think is why??????? and OMG what do we do now?? I know there's no answer to the first question but what about the second? What do we do and who do we turn to in order to get help with this situation? Dad had an operation today and apparently mum has been no help and in fact has been pretty awkward. Dads at home with drugs but mum cant cope with her own let alone dad's. I live 90 mins away, my brother lives 45 mins away and my sister 30 mins but we all work. How can we make sure they take their drugs? How can we make sure dad is looked after? My sister is there today and I'm going tomorrow but long term? Who do I contact Social services,their GP,the Mental Health Unit? Will I have to have sussed out mum and dad's financial situation before Social Services will help? So many questions but I'm so worried . Can anyone offer me words of wisdom or advice?

 

[angecmc]

Hi Snowygirl Sorry to hear about your parents, its bad enough having one, but two must be a total nightmare. I have not been in your situation, but if it were me, I would contact Social Services and tell them that both your parents are now vulnerable adults unable to care for each other or themselves, I would say that there are no family members able to help at all and they urgently need help. If they think any of you are around to help they will not treat this as urgent. They should be able to treat this as a priority case.xx

Ange

 

[Anniewragby]

I'm so sorry to hear your news, both my parents have dementia so I totally identify with your dilemmas. Contact all of the people you mentioned - as is often said on here - underline how vulnerable they are. Is there any sort of interim support for you dad if he has just had surgery?Ask Gp or consultant about that urgently - he should not have been discharged without adequate care. When you have a minute(!) look at their finances - if they are going to be self-funding just get on the phone to a local care agency( try the one name after a small flying creature the colour of the sky...) Then get POA if possible ASAP - phone a local solicitor and ask.
You are going to have a busy day tomorrow - GOOD LUCK

 

[worn out]

the small flying colour of the sky ones are marvellous.definately recommend them

 

[snowygirl]

Thanks for your replies it really does help to know there are people out there able to offer advice. So far so good since Thursday's panic. Dads op was on his head for skin cancer and he seems to be coping ok. AS a family we have been there the past three days making sure both parents take their tablets but today they are alone so we are hoping reminder telephone calls will do the trick! Weve spoken to both the nurse who came out to mum for her memory clinic and the Primary care trust worker at the GP surgery who have been helpful and assure us that someone should be out to mum and dad tomorrow. Dad should as a matter of course receive a visit for post op care so I'll be really angry if that doesn't happen. Financially our main problem is that mum is still at the stage where she doesn't think that she needs help and will not willingly give us access to her finances. Each time we try to do anything its like asking for the crown jewels so any delving that weve done has been done in a sneaky way. WE have LPA now for dad(well almost full documentation is on its way apparently)but mum's is still ongoing as she held out from signing until just a month ago. WE really do not know how much money they have but if things get really desperate(it felt that way on THurs!)I'm happy to pay(thanks for the tip on the little flying animal people)and recoup the money later even if its for 1/2 hr a day. Talking of money I wonder can anyone give me any idea how much is charged by a private company per hour for care visits? Thanks again for all who posted. I know that TP is going to become and is vey important to me now both of my parents are diagnosed!

 

[Anniewragby]

We were paying -£13.50 an hour but more at w/e - it might vary from region to region.The will do visits of less than an hour and in the end - if they are good - it is worth every penny.