My hubby and I are looking to go away for 18 days and we are not sure what is the best care for my mother in law. We don't know whether it's best to have someone come in daily to give her medications and breakfast or actually have her stay in a respite centre. Can anyone please give me some experience/guidance as to what is best for her and for us? Thanks in advance. I am based in Dorset.
Respite care
- Thread starter dorsetdee
- Start date
Hi Dorsetdee
I guess it depends on how your MIL would cope with carers coming in-would she be safe? Would she accept the carers? How would she cope when the Carers were not there. Respite in a CH could be worth a try-if you go down this route start looking now.
Do whatever you think is best for your MIL and I hope you will enjoy your well deserved break. Oh! and welcome to TP
Take care
Lyn T
I guess it depends on how your MIL would cope with carers coming in-would she be safe? Would she accept the carers? How would she cope when the Carers were not there. Respite in a CH could be worth a try-if you go down this route start looking now.
Do whatever you think is best for your MIL and I hope you will enjoy your well deserved break. Oh! and welcome to TP
Take care
Lyn T
Hi
As LYN T said.
Perhaps the 24/7 CH approach would be the better option. Good luck and enjoy your hols
As LYN T said.
Perhaps the 24/7 CH approach would be the better option. Good luck and enjoy your hols
That's a difficult question and I would say that there are lots of questions to ask yourself before you can make a decision such as for starters:-
How much support does she need at the moment?
Is she used to having strangers in the house?
What would she like to do?
Would she be happy to go somewhere else to stay?
how much does she want to pay?
Will she be self funding?
Etc
The ultimate question is, what support needs to be in place for her to enable you to go away and get some much needed respite without you having to have a moments worry about her well-being?
My mother always goes away for respite organized by the social care worker ( she is not self funding) and it works really well but then she is really advanced in her illness and couldn't manage a minute on her own. Everyone's needs vary.
Wishing you the best,
Gerry
How much support does she need at the moment?
Is she used to having strangers in the house?
What would she like to do?
Would she be happy to go somewhere else to stay?
how much does she want to pay?
Will she be self funding?
Etc
The ultimate question is, what support needs to be in place for her to enable you to go away and get some much needed respite without you having to have a moments worry about her well-being?
My mother always goes away for respite organized by the social care worker ( she is not self funding) and it works really well but then she is really advanced in her illness and couldn't manage a minute on her own. Everyone's needs vary.
Wishing you the best,
Gerry
Thank you for your helpful comments everybody.
My MIL has mild dementia at present but also has asthma related COPD, which means she needs oxygen from 6pm until 10am every day and is waiting for ambulatory oxygen as well as it so severe she can't move from her chair to the bathroom without getting breathless. She has lived in our home for almost a year now. I had thought our sons could share in her care, giving her the morning meds and breakfast and evening meal and meds and I have asked ladies from our church to come in at lunch times to spend an hour with her and make her lunch/chat to her. This all seemed like a good plan as she is scared if she goes in a home we won't have her back again. We looked into an outside care agency coming in and I am still exploring that. She can have a stand up wash on her own as I wouldn't expect our boys to supervise her showering!!
Yesterday she had a 'funny' moment where she was sure we gave her less food than the rest of the family and these funny moments are a bit cyclical. They come and go. Yesterday raised concerns with me as to how the boys would cope with any of her funny moments. She imagines things and is convinced they are true. I don't think this is fair on our boys to have to deal with. I'm used to it but they already spend as much time as they can in their rooms as they find it hard with her being here 24/7. She's a lovely lady but not the lovely lady they once knew and our younger boys (16 and 20) are finding that her behaviour is rude, in their opinion. She would be self funding, and now I feel guilty about getting her to pay to go away so we can go away, if you get my drift!
My MIL has mild dementia at present but also has asthma related COPD, which means she needs oxygen from 6pm until 10am every day and is waiting for ambulatory oxygen as well as it so severe she can't move from her chair to the bathroom without getting breathless. She has lived in our home for almost a year now. I had thought our sons could share in her care, giving her the morning meds and breakfast and evening meal and meds and I have asked ladies from our church to come in at lunch times to spend an hour with her and make her lunch/chat to her. This all seemed like a good plan as she is scared if she goes in a home we won't have her back again. We looked into an outside care agency coming in and I am still exploring that. She can have a stand up wash on her own as I wouldn't expect our boys to supervise her showering!!
Yesterday she had a 'funny' moment where she was sure we gave her less food than the rest of the family and these funny moments are a bit cyclical. They come and go. Yesterday raised concerns with me as to how the boys would cope with any of her funny moments. She imagines things and is convinced they are true. I don't think this is fair on our boys to have to deal with. I'm used to it but they already spend as much time as they can in their rooms as they find it hard with her being here 24/7. She's a lovely lady but not the lovely lady they once knew and our younger boys (16 and 20) are finding that her behaviour is rude, in their opinion. She would be self funding, and now I feel guilty about getting her to pay to go away so we can go away, if you get my drift!
Don't ever feel guilty!
Use a respite centre-you go away for a holiday, so does she. Only picking her up again at the end will prove to her she's not staying forever.
Its not a bad idea to get her used to residential care before its essential full time - and that day might come.
No its not fair on your boys and she is huge responsibility.You'll spend your whole holiday worrying - don't do it!
Use a respite centre-you go away for a holiday, so does she. Only picking her up again at the end will prove to her she's not staying forever.
Its not a bad idea to get her used to residential care before its essential full time - and that day might come.
No its not fair on your boys and she is huge responsibility.You'll spend your whole holiday worrying - don't do it!
Hi Dorsetdee. I was in the same boat as you, about 3 months ago.
Mum lives with us (myself, hubby and 3 boys), and I have had to be completely selfish about our holiday. She's booked into respite for a week, because I know I wouldn't be able to relax and switch off with any other scenario. Mum's been quite difficult about it, even threatening to book a taxi and travel 300 miles to stay with friends. (The thought horrified me!). I've had to put my foot down. We went to visit the home where she's going last Friday, and she's said nothing about it since! I don't know whether she's forgotten, or conspiring quietly to herself!! I'm just leaving it, til hopefully it will too late for her to organise anything else (or me to do it on her behalf!!)
Good luck
Lulu xxx
Mum lives with us (myself, hubby and 3 boys), and I have had to be completely selfish about our holiday. She's booked into respite for a week, because I know I wouldn't be able to relax and switch off with any other scenario. Mum's been quite difficult about it, even threatening to book a taxi and travel 300 miles to stay with friends. (The thought horrified me!). I've had to put my foot down. We went to visit the home where she's going last Friday, and she's said nothing about it since! I don't know whether she's forgotten, or conspiring quietly to herself!! I'm just leaving it, til hopefully it will too late for her to organise anything else (or me to do it on her behalf!!)
Good luck
Lulu xxx
Hi Dorset Dee
My Mum often went into respite care for a week every now and again.
She enjoyed it, and once she said to me. "We didn't have much entertainment but then I suppose the season hasn't started yet" - ! I realised then that she thought it was a holiday hotel.
You would be able to relax more if your Mum was in a Care Home with 24/7 care, and it gives you chance to recharge your batteries too.
Pauline
My Mum often went into respite care for a week every now and again.
She enjoyed it, and once she said to me. "We didn't have much entertainment but then I suppose the season hasn't started yet" - ! I realised then that she thought it was a holiday hotel.
You would be able to relax more if your Mum was in a Care Home with 24/7 care, and it gives you chance to recharge your batteries too.
Pauline
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