I find this hard too. I'm lucky our continence clinic is working closely with me to try to find ways manage the problem. It's a hard slog though.
What has been the toughest challenge for you?
- Thread starter Linbrusco
- Start date
I find this hard too. I'm lucky our continence clinic is working closely with me to try to find ways manage the problem. It's a hard slog though.
Angecmc
that is how I feel if things could just stay as they are even though it can be very hard , sometimes I fear for what is ahead mainly for Mam but for me too
that is how I feel if things could just stay as they are even though it can be very hard , sometimes I fear for what is ahead mainly for Mam but for me too
My mum is in the diagnosis stage.
I am dreading the who are you? to me. My poor dad has to put up with this and it's heartbreaking.
I am dreading the who are you? to me. My poor dad has to put up with this and it's heartbreaking.
For me so far, apart from seeing Mums decline of course... with Mum in mild/moderate stage of AD, it's been the constant battle of wills between my parents ( Dad has cognitive impairment) and playing referee, and telling my dad off for behaviour towards Mum. He does not understand Mums AD one bit.. he says he does, but his actions and words speak differently.
He likes to play jokes... hiding her medication being one
I feel like the good cop for Mum, and the bad cop for Dad
The never ending mental ability to stay one step ahead, having to think of what to say and when to say it, or when not to say it to mum.
I know this will only get tougher.
Hi Linbrusco, first i feel for you. You might be able to teach me some. About 4 years ago it became obvious that my dad had alz and his aggressivity level is getting risky and it recently became obvious that my mom joined his club (i just told her so today). About 18 months ago they sold their house and asked me to move in with them in an old folks residence.
Unfortunately i play good cop and my mom is getting asked about money issues and now she tries to supervise him taking his pills.
I just suggested her we get a pet rabbit to lower the aggressivity my dad is forced to live with and monday i will verify wich pets are permitted. My dad likes dogs but they are not allowed and the allowed cats are a nono for my dad as well as moving.
I just see that if i cannot find ways to lower the drama from pills management and money issues the plan A (living at home) for my dad will be in his past.
Thanks and all the best!
Yes, staying positive in the face of others' gloom, not my husband, the sufferer. He somehow still has his sense of humour and that's a godsend.
As we all know there are so many challenges we have to face..the incontinence, aggression, sundowning resulting in little or no sleep, but the one that springs to mind and now Trevor has passed away, it brings a smile to my face was when he introduced himself to me in bed,name, age etc and then asked who I was and when I said your wife, he became very stressed and said I wasn't and demanded I left his bed in case his wife came in!!
Memories.... some good, some bad
Bronwen
Memories.... some good, some bad
Bronwen
There have been a lot of hard times, blindness and Alzheimer's is not easy.
But seeing K in tears when he has no idea how to help his Grandpops that is hard, at three he would put his toys in his Grandpops hands and say mend it Grandpops and he would. Now K at 22 is taking care of his Grandpops and trying to keep him safe.
But seeing K in tears when he has no idea how to help his Grandpops that is hard, at three he would put his toys in his Grandpops hands and say mend it Grandpops and he would. Now K at 22 is taking care of his Grandpops and trying to keep him safe.
I know what you mean NellBelles.
My Mum looked after both my children from 6mths of age until they were 5 while I worked part time.
Now it's my children (now 12&17) keeping an eye out for Mum.
My Mum looked after both my children from 6mths of age until they were 5 while I worked part time.
Now it's my children (now 12&17) keeping an eye out for Mum.
When dad went into care for respite I knew it would be permanent as mum was beyond caring for him. What I didn't know was that it would precipitate a complete mental breakdown in her, and change her forever.
The worst bit was when my brother and sister in law had visited her for the day, and after they'd left her house my brother called me (to 'check in') and said she wasn't too bad - she phoned me 10 minutes after they'd left asking me to kill her and saying she wanted to die. I went round to her house and she was sitting in her chair in the lounge shaking from head to foot and rocking, saying over and over again 'I want to die, I want to die'
It haunts me.
The worst bit was when my brother and sister in law had visited her for the day, and after they'd left her house my brother called me (to 'check in') and said she wasn't too bad - she phoned me 10 minutes after they'd left asking me to kill her and saying she wanted to die. I went round to her house and she was sitting in her chair in the lounge shaking from head to foot and rocking, saying over and over again 'I want to die, I want to die'
It haunts me.
Oh KM that must have been awful for you. My heart goes out to you & everyone else who has posted.
When I got round to seeking counselling some time after when it was obvious I wasn't going to cope without some help, I poured it all out to the counsellor. I hadn't been to my GP as I'm not convinced of the value of taking chemical solutions for emotional problems, and the counsellor said that it wasn't depression - it was bereavement, and to some extent I was in delayed shock - which made MUCH more sense!
To me it is visiting my mum in the CH and listening to her sobbing that she wants to come home. It has been nearly 4wks now and the first 2wks were fine, but things seem to deteriorated since then. My sister has decided that she cant visit every night as it upsets her so much. I don't know what we will do if she doesn't settle.
Mine is seeing the fun loving caring person my mam is to become a very paranoid aggressive at times hurtful and untrusting person! Its stripped her of her personality, aggitated and accusing! Only time i see her happy is if shes talking to the dog, sometimes shes ok and pops back up to being my mam but it dosent last for long and i feel like cryin wen she does pop up! So glad to hear her being her! Its awful! The most awful distressing disease in the world
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Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
These school holidays. Mum demands me all day. My children (teenagers) will spend too long in their rooms - laying low. We haven't got to the incontinence stage yet - that is a future reality I'm dreading.
Sorry if this is a silly question but can you find any kind of respite for mum so that you can give your teens some time? I know teenagers like to spend time in their rooms (I have one too!) but they need some of you as well, and it would be nice for you to have some freedom to do what you want with or without them xxx