What has been the toughest challenge for you?

[malomm]

Scared

The realisation a few months ago that I am now scared to leave my wife on her own for any longer than the 20 mins or so it takes me to nip into the village for a quick shop. Everything else I need to take her with me. And the realisation that she is scared if I leave her alone, even in another room, for any longer than half an hour.
keep smiling,
malomm

 

[bemused1]

Trusting my husbands personal care to carers. Because of his mobility issues I couldn't cope on my own. But I hate carers,sorry not the people, but the need for them. I find it very hard to let go especially when it is one's he doesn't feel confident with. W ill I get over this?I hope so, it's a necessary evil
By the way the cares are good but if he' s not comfortable it unsettles me

 

[Tin]

out of all the many things that are now a part of my life, the hardest is watching mum surround herself with a few of her things, that she is continually touching and putting in to bags. shes calm when doing this, but its heartbreaking to watch.

 

[Grace L]

Oh, gosh....
There was so much that was challenging, like others have said, I had the verbal abuse the aggression .... which was a constant challenge.

Without doubt, THE toughest challenge I had was when my husband woke up in bed around 3am....
saw me.... and freaked out !!

He started yelling "Who are you... get out of my bed!!" ...
I turned the side light on, (I thought he might be dreaming) , but he was wide awake, and wide eyed,
and very very scared... He started to hit me, and repeat to get out !!


I sat in the lounge, cried my eyes out , started shaking like a leaf... went to the bathroom and threw up.

The realisation that we had hit another hurdle was heart-breaking.

 

[Linbrusco]

Oh My Grace
I had glimpse of this and how wrong things could turn out when my sister and I took Mum to stay at a hotel last week.
I was sleeping in the room with Mum, and she woke after 45 mins totally disorientated not knowing where she was, how she got there , and also wise eyed with fright.
Thankfully she still knew who my sister and I were.

 

[nitram]

My biggest challenge was to come out of denial at my wife's diagnosis.

Once I had fully accepted that she had an incurable, progressive and terminal disease I was able to concentrate on developing strategies to mitigate problems as they developed.

I'm not saying that there were no more challenges just that the toughest was the initial acceptance in general terms of what the future held.

 

[copsham]

Oh Grace that is an awful experience, amongst the worse I have read on here. Have things settled, it sounds so unsafe!
THinking of you

 

[angecmc]

The fear of what has happened to my lovely Mum and what is yet to come, I wake up thinking about it and it is the last thing I think of before I fall into that troubled half sleep that is filled with dreams about Mum xx

Ange

 

[Grace L]

Oh Grace that is an awful experience, amongst the worse I have read on here. Have things settled, it sounds so unsafe!
THinking of you

Hi Copsham, thank you for your reply...
I'm a widow, this was a couple of years ago now, and happened about 3 years before he died.
He had VaD, having had a stroke and several TIA's, and a very long VaD journey.

His mum now has Alz (they say early stages, but I'm not so sure), and I'm already struggling with her (she still lives independently) sudden changes in behaviour.

((((Hugs to all of us ))))

Take care

 

[jellyfish]

When my dear, kind and intelligent husband was sectioned as a result of trying to commit suicide in hospital...... I chill at the thought of it. Caring for him at home now will never be as hard as that x

 

[CJinUSA]

Everyone has something different going on, it seems. For me, the hardest part is watching my mother lose her ability to read and do word games. She wants to read over things sometimes, and she just guesses at words now. She was such an avid reader, and she used to do crossword puzzles and jumbles in record time. It has been hard watching her struggle with the most simple words now. Still, I admire that she wants to try her jumble still and try to read. She was once just brilliant. Sometimes I feel like I want to cry when I am there and see this, yet I have to just keep an even keel and just say something to distract her. It would be nice to let myself *experience* the sadness I feel, sometimes, but if I am the least bit upset, she gets agitated . . . .

 

[Beate]

It's that dreadful incontinence that does it for me. I just don't cope very well with it at all. The unpredictability of it makes it very hard for us to go anywhere anymore, plus I am sick of the cleaning up and washing everything.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Following my husband up the street while he looked for his real wife, his real home and his real family.

Oh Sylvia!

 

[Sleepy Head]

Oh Sylvia!

Who is Sylvia? What is she?

 

[Rageddy Anne]

The angry and accusing outbursts are hard to endure, but worst of all is seeing how worried our sons are getting now that they can see their dad's illness, and what it's doing to us both.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Who is Sylvia? What is she?

Someone in a Shakespeare song, I think, but on here we have our own Sylvia, lovingly known as Grannie G.

 

[Grace L]

The thing with challenges was that I knew I had to get through them, (many a tear shed alone)
and learn to accept that I could not change things, and develop strategies on how to cope.

Just when you have got used to certain situations, another challenge comes along to bite you on the bum
You think you wont get through 'this', but you do....

As carers we cope because we have to, and because we love them.

Another particularly challenging situation for me was when my mum died ...
When I told my husband ..... "Mum has died, the operation didn't go well"....
he looked at me blankly and said ...... "What's your point?" ......
The pain I felt, was like I'd been shot through the heart.

 

[Grace L]

It's that dreadful incontinence that does it for me. I just don't cope very well with it at all. The unpredictability of it makes it very hard for us to go anywhere anymore, plus I am sick of the cleaning up and washing everything.

Oh Beate, I'm sorry, I really am. I understand how restricting this part is.
Even going to a quick coffee/lunch, taking a huge rucksack with me .... and several changes of clothes....

I never did, but did you know you can get a discount on your water bill if you are a heavy user?

 

[Canadian Joanne]

There have been several that stand out.

The first time I realized there was something drastically wrong with Mum. We were visiting her at her home in British Columbia. I spent nearly two hours crying and sobbing while my poor husband tried to comfort me.

The first time my mother was sectioned. At the hospital, while they were wrestling her onto a bed and strapping her down, my sister and I slid down the wall, sat on the floor and we literally howled.

Living with the fact that the woman who loved me so fiercely and strongly is not the same person any more.

 

[Bod]

Toughest for me.
Educating my partner, as to what should be done now, to reduce troubles later.
We looking after her parents, both Alzheimers.

Bod
Ps
My father (Alz himself) has asked me who my father was!!