Hi Taffy
It might to help you to have some information on how mums care home does things, so that you have something to compare with.
When mum first went into the NH nearly a year ago now, the first care plan was completed by the senior nurse with me. We listed all mums likes and dislikes when it came to food, going to bed, getting up, in fact ever bit of her normal routine, her then very challenging behaviour and aggression. They also asked me to write out some family history, all about my dad, things she enjoyed doing, things she didnt enjoy doing, so that they could talk to her without asking her loads of questions, which they felt she might find intrusive at the time, without first 'knowing them'. They felt the further back I could go the better, as this was where mums memory is best.
They still have awful problems getting mum to change her clothes, so rather than cause her distress, which it does, this is left to me, which is fine, having said that, if they find her receptive, they do it then. With regard to her washing, again showers and baths she is terrified, so they help her to wash as and when she is in the mood, and keep a crafty check when she says she is doing it herself.
The care plan is updated with me at a formal meeting every 3 months. However it is updated also as and when things crop up, either by my instigation or the staff.
At every change over of shift, each care plan updates and days events is shared with the oncoming staff members. They see good communication between staff, residents and family as very key.
Anything that they are concerned about, or mum is worried about, or any changes at all, they are on the phone to me.
I feel they know my mum very well indeed, when I visit, or telephone to ask how mum is, they usually tell me some little bit of information which demonstrates to me they are on the ball, even little things like, "she had 3 cups of tea with her lunch today", or "Betty has been talking to me today about your dad, she was saying .....". All this makes me feel very secure, its my safety blanket that all is well, and if it isn't I know they will phone me immediately.
What confirms to be that mum is 100%, when I leave now she either dismisses me, e.g. time you went home now, or stands by the door smiling and waving. I couldnt ask for better. Initially we had to use diversion tactics, those days have gone.
Taffy I hope you get things sorted out to your satisfaction, after all the reason your mum is in a NH is to ensure her needs are met 24/7 and you can sleep at night knowing everything with mum is as it should be.
Keep us posted.
Love
Cate