Trevor died over two years ago and I am still so sad

Bronwen

Registered User
Jan 8, 2010
602
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85
Bristol
Hello friends. it has been a long time since I posted...been trying to "get on with life" but it is so hard.
I have had several lovely holidays with another lady who sadly lost her husband to Dementia. We get on really well and feel so lucky we have each other, but there is this big hole in my life and I cant get beyond this lost sad feeling.

I think because I "appear" to be getting on with life, i.e. holidays, coffee mornings, shopping trips etc. everyone seems to accept that I have moved on. and to be honest if you measure my life by ability to be able to do these things, I accept I am lucky, but I still shed tears after tears on my own and miss Trevor so much.

I have written a little story of my life with Trevor and his dementia which helped me get my thoughts down on paper and to be honest I just cant believe how much we went through together and I probably shouldnt expect to come out the other end the same person

I could write forever but you all have the same unhappiness to deal with but I thank you for listening.
love
Bronwen
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
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Dundee
Hello Bronwen. It's nice to see you posting again. I can understand your sadness. x
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
0
North East England
Hello Bronwen. Two years is not, I feel, very long to get over losing your life partner. If we ever can. I simply can't imagine my life without my husband.

You are entitled to be sad, and to express that sadness to others when you need to.

Big hugs x
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,486
0
East Coast of Australia
Bronwen, 22 months since Ray died and I am where you are. I look good to others as I seem to perform well in public. No-one knows how often I do a runner when I can't stand being out in society. I still have trouble with the usual triggers, couples walking hand in hand, swimming together, talking together. All the things we so took for granted when our loved one was with us in that time before.

It has been three years since Ray has been home and the other night something came on television and I turned to his chair and said.... of course he isn't here. I can still hear him calling out at night when I am restless and sometimes hurry home to tell him...whatever I would have told him when he was here.

My Mum died in 2012, my Dad died in 2000 and I don't think Mum ever got over it. She looked for him for years, here and after she was in the Dementia Lodge. Dad had asked me to look after her for a few weeks "until she gets over it". Now , looking back I have more sympathy for her as she searched endlessly for him.

Sue.
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,513
0
Near Southampton
Bronwen, my husband did last month and so things are still very raw. He never returned home after an emergency admittance to hospital in the autumn of 2010 and that in itself left its mark.
I notice you are the same age as myself now and I can well understand why you have continued to miss your husband so very much and I sympathise. People do seem to think you can 'move on' but it's not that easy to do especially when you are older.

I have never lived as an adult without my husband. Through good times and the not so good, we have stuck together so it is going to be difficult to adjust to a world without him being anywhere in it. I am continuing with my voluntary work though I confess the temptation to just give up is very strong right now but I realise that I need to try to prevent myself from withdrawing from the world outside the doorl.

I hope you will keep coming back now that you have returned. x
 

Bronwen

Registered User
Jan 8, 2010
602
0
85
Bristol
Oh thank you so much everyone for your kind thoughts and understanding.

It is so re-assuring to be told two years isnt that long as I feel I shouldnt keep recalling my memories with Trevor as it is such a long time now. My friends obviously have never said but as I have said because, outwardly, I appear to be moving on, they dont talk about him anymore but I do want to talk about him..

Saffie i am so sorry for your loss and I hope you get all the support and kindness you now need and deserve. I really understood your phrase "never lived as an adult before" as I married from my parents' home and then lived with Trevor...I never ever thought I would be on my own but then we dont look ahead do we.

Sue..how I relate to your thoughts, I get so envious seeing couples hand in hand, sharing a joke together. My neighbours were out in their garden yesterday and I heard them laughing together and then he climbed a ladder and she was saying do be careful....and I had to go indoors..I just wanted that to be us.

But I have a lot to be thankful for, two lovely children (although they live hours away) five lovely grandchildren, who now they are adult always visit me when they can, so I will keep trying to get on with my life and will keep in touch with my friends on Talking Point as I have always had such support here.

love Bronwen