Mum has carers in 3 times a day. The morning and lunchtime carer is fantastic, the evening one isn't, she does Mum's meal OK (half of which I've already done for her before she turns up) but she doesn't talk to Mum at all. However, for the past couple of months Mum's eating has gone from not very good to very bad. She's now lost another 4 lbs in weight (now 6st 11lbs). She only eats slice of toast, quarter round of sandwich and fairy cake a day! She doesn't like 40 slips, nor complain nor anything else I've bought and given her. I do ensure she drinks at lot with lots of encouragement from me. She's been sleeping most of the time and said she feels sick. I've had the GP home to her twice but he said physically she's not in bad shape but has put her onto Prozac for her depression. Trouble is the last week she'd been wanting to go to bed, and the evening carer keeps knocking at my door (I live right next door) when Mum says she doesn't want anything to eat. So this evening I have cancelled the carer as Mum's taken to her bed and refuses a meal! Now do I cancel the evening carer for good? Seems defeating the object if a) Mum won't eat and b) the carer keeps knocking at my door to get me to come into her. The carers are supposed to be giving me a break not keep making me go into Mum! Also, last time she was in care home (I was ill at the time) the CH kept ringing me every day so Mum could speak to me. This time I have written to the CH telling them I am only to be contacted in an emergency and that I will be putting my phone onto voicemail - I am actually going away this time. Am I just unlucky or do others keep getting contacted like this? Sue xx
DO I CANCEL THE 5pm CARER?
- Thread starter SueShell
- Start date
Your mother is not eating and you want to remove the career, so who will feed your mom? You?
Maybe a keybox to career enter your mom's home, without bothering you. Maybe you talk with career about how to feed your mom/ and how to talk with your mom. Maybe change the visit time. (Maybe a supper on night/ maybe a bath on afternoon). Maybe changing the career.
I would think a way to this visit be helpfull.
Maybe a keybox to career enter your mom's home, without bothering you. Maybe you talk with career about how to feed your mom/ and how to talk with your mom. Maybe change the visit time. (Maybe a supper on night/ maybe a bath on afternoon). Maybe changing the career.
I would think a way to this visit be helpfull.
Is another bout of respite care a possibility please? Your Mum's frighteningly thin and I think she needs more sustained encouragement to eat than even good carers 3 times a day can provide.
It's unfair for you to be roped in to do the job the carers are supposed to do; however, I don't think they can provide the support your Mum requires.
It's unfair for you to be roped in to do the job the carers are supposed to do; however, I don't think they can provide the support your Mum requires.
Have you tried speaking with the Carers boss? Explain that its not a disciplinary matter, more a training matter.
Hopefully this critical feedback will enable the Carer to work better for more people and you will have played your part ion making this a better world, not just for yourself and for your Mother, but for everyone else too.
If this carer doesnt know they could do a better job how do you expect them to?
Why do you have to look for sackings just because your mother isnt responding as well as you would like?
Hopefully this critical feedback will enable the Carer to work better for more people and you will have played your part ion making this a better world, not just for yourself and for your Mother, but for everyone else too.
If this carer doesnt know they could do a better job how do you expect them to?
Why do you have to look for sackings just because your mother isnt responding as well as you would like?
Many people with dementia (and the elderly in general) develop a sweet tooth. It is thought that as the tastebuds age they tend to work less well (like the eyes and ears). Also, that the sense of bitterness is the last to fade - this means you can taste bitterness better than sweetness, so foods previously acceptable may taste more bitter than they once did.
If you mum is eating a fairy cake, she might well eat other sweet foods. If she is losing weight all that really matters is calories. I would be inclined to try lots of very sweet things. You could also try leaving things like sweets/chocolate/biscuits/cake around on plates. Then she can nibble at them if tempted. If she is eating that bit of taste smother it in jam.
My dad was the same. He lived on cake and jam sandwiches - still got very thin and frail.
If you mum is eating a fairy cake, she might well eat other sweet foods. If she is losing weight all that really matters is calories. I would be inclined to try lots of very sweet things. You could also try leaving things like sweets/chocolate/biscuits/cake around on plates. Then she can nibble at them if tempted. If she is eating that bit of taste smother it in jam.
My dad was the same. He lived on cake and jam sandwiches - still got very thin and frail.
How about hot meal at lunchtime instead of tea time, letting Mum have a sandwich at tea time instead....Good old M&S do small single portion meals which only take 2 minutes or so to heat. The emphasis being on small.
Definitely no phone messages or callers while you are on holiday. And no, you are not alone....it's taken me 2 years to train the CH to not contact me unecssarily.
Definitely no phone messages or callers while you are on holiday. And no, you are not alone....it's taken me 2 years to train the CH to not contact me unecssarily.
My mum is currently in a nursing home and her weight dropped to 6 stone 5lb. We got the dietician in and she is now on fortified drinks.
In addition to this I make her a daily smoothie consisting of 3 tablespoons of plain yoghurt, a teaspoon of organic peanut butter, a couple of handfuls of all bran, fresh orange juice and a mix of fruit e.g. banana, pineapple, mango, berry fruits, cherries - not all in the same smoothie. (I buy all these frozen and put them straight into the smoothie and blend). She gets her five a day in one. The smoothies take about 5 minutes to make and are full of goodness and calories and taste quite sweet.
She has about 1/2 a litre of smoothie a day and to use her words 'it is bl**dy lovely'. Her weight (despite back to back UTI's making her quite poorly) has now risen to 7 stone 4lbs.
Might be something your mum would enjoy and help get her weight up again.
Good luck.
In addition to this I make her a daily smoothie consisting of 3 tablespoons of plain yoghurt, a teaspoon of organic peanut butter, a couple of handfuls of all bran, fresh orange juice and a mix of fruit e.g. banana, pineapple, mango, berry fruits, cherries - not all in the same smoothie. (I buy all these frozen and put them straight into the smoothie and blend). She gets her five a day in one. The smoothies take about 5 minutes to make and are full of goodness and calories and taste quite sweet.
She has about 1/2 a litre of smoothie a day and to use her words 'it is bl**dy lovely'. Her weight (despite back to back UTI's making her quite poorly) has now risen to 7 stone 4lbs.
Might be something your mum would enjoy and help get her weight up again.
Good luck.
She already has keysafe so carers come in without my intervention. I think I will ask the manager to change the evening carer. If this doesn't work, then I'll need to contact SS because my Mum is now refusing everything, including sweet things. She hates any kind of smoothy and will not drink them - already tried that. I'm actually going away next week. Transport is taking Mum to CH Monday at 11am. My question to the evening carer would be, if I didn't live next door and lived 20 miles away what would she do if Mum refused to get out of bed and eat something?
I can't wait for the break to be honest as I feel Mum is becoming so uncooperative I'm at a loss at what else I can do.
I can't wait for the break to be honest as I feel Mum is becoming so uncooperative I'm at a loss at what else I can do.
My next door neighbour has his father in his mid-80's living with him. He will only eat twice a day so gets a high protein breakfast about 10am and a lighter dinner served at 5pm. If he can be persuaded he sometimes has a high protein shake at 2pm. He will sometimes accept a couple of eggs just scrambled for the 5pm meal if he says he is not hungry and will not be needing dinner. He doesn't have dementia, he is just old and thinks he doesn't need much now.
It is hard to see our parents fading away and we want so much to make them stronger and more energetic but maybe if that is not going to happen accepting life as it is can be better. It is so much harder when they seem to be going against what we see as the solution.
Sue.
It is hard to see our parents fading away and we want so much to make them stronger and more energetic but maybe if that is not going to happen accepting life as it is can be better. It is so much harder when they seem to be going against what we see as the solution.
Sue.
Do you have the same Carers day after day, if so, wow! My mother has a rota of different ones, some good, some not so good.
I'm the opposite in that I actually encourage the Carers to contact me (my mother lives with me) if there is a problem as my mother is so difficult I can end up with worse ones, and I also can't help butting in with a 'helpful' word or two - just to help things along you understand! I look on the Carers as taking the responsibility from me whilst they are there and that's nice. I've also learnt quite a bit about better ways to care from them too. I give the meals and the Carers do the personal care (when my mother allows!), would that system help you? I will always contact the social care worker if there is a major problem as they hold the contract with the Carer agency, if it's to do with a specific Carer then I'm very careful and try to work with them. Some of them can get really upset if they feel that they haven't been much help for me if it's been a bad day with my mother.
My mother is now going towards 2 meals a day - it's rare she has breakfast now though she still enjoys her food. I think she just eats what she needs. I try not to give her sweet things as I need to keep her weight down though feel a bit guilty as she really, really loves them.
Gerry
I'm the opposite in that I actually encourage the Carers to contact me (my mother lives with me) if there is a problem as my mother is so difficult I can end up with worse ones, and I also can't help butting in with a 'helpful' word or two - just to help things along you understand! I look on the Carers as taking the responsibility from me whilst they are there and that's nice. I've also learnt quite a bit about better ways to care from them too. I give the meals and the Carers do the personal care (when my mother allows!), would that system help you? I will always contact the social care worker if there is a major problem as they hold the contract with the Carer agency, if it's to do with a specific Carer then I'm very careful and try to work with them. Some of them can get really upset if they feel that they haven't been much help for me if it's been a bad day with my mother.
My mother is now going towards 2 meals a day - it's rare she has breakfast now though she still enjoys her food. I think she just eats what she needs. I try not to give her sweet things as I need to keep her weight down though feel a bit guilty as she really, really loves them.
Gerry
Hi sue my mum lives right opposite me so I to am at hand but I've found the more you do the more they will let you. Till things got really bad and ad a careers melt down the senior cw is a fantastic and worth her weight in gold but some of the other cw are not so good but I look at it that they changed on a rota and the good out weighs the bad and its another face going in have a word with the manager and see if they can put things right. My mum also has days that she does eat well but alas I think that seems part of the path they are on. I have to watch what my mum eats because of her diabetes, she seems to love sweet things now and pushes her vet around the plate like a kid. Just got to try and find something that your mum likes. What about rice pudds or custard jelly and fruit. Just a thought. Good luck and enjoy the break. lindax
Totally identify with the preferences for sweet things. I like a pudding myself but I sometimes taken aback by that my mum, who says she no appetite, can eat a huge portion of chocolate fudge cake when she goes out for a meal.
She can't shop or cook and when at home alone the only ready meals which are small enough (because food must not be wasted under any circumstances) are the WFF mini meals. She complains about them too but what else is there if she won't have meals on wheels. Perhaps I should just stop worrying that she's not eating 'proper' meals?
She can't shop or cook and when at home alone the only ready meals which are small enough (because food must not be wasted under any circumstances) are the WFF mini meals. She complains about them too but what else is there if she won't have meals on wheels. Perhaps I should just stop worrying that she's not eating 'proper' meals?
