Leaving my Mum on her own?

[gerry200]

Just wondering what people's views are on this:-

my Mum lives with me, has advanced AD and is very nearly bed bound. In the mornings, a Carer and I wash her, change her etc and then she goes back to sleep until the District Nurse come in to give her an injection and then she goes back to sleep again until lunchtime when I get her up. She is in a hospital bed with the sides up and can't get out and sleeps very soundly. I can't get her out of the house and into the car (I'm in an isolated rural area) without help so am stuck in as well. My head (and the Community Mental Health Nurse) says that It's ok for me to go out and leave her, but my heart (and the District Nurse who looked very po faced when I mentioned it) says no. What do others do?

 

[Merrymaid]

My Mum is not quite as far along as yours but I do leave her for short walks with my dog. However for longer trips, say to shops etc there is a local system called Crossroads who will come and sit with Mum if I am out for a longer periods. Perhaps there will be something like this where you are located?

 

[marionq]

If anyone is looking at you po faced then I would think they should have a suggestion as to how you maintain a modicum of freedom. Your Mum is old and ill but you need help too. What is their solution?

 

[Merrymaid]

Hi again have a look at 'how is respite paid for' thread on TP. (sorry don't know how to send you the link) There is some info there from members in your are which may be useful to you

 

[lizzybean]

Part of me wants to say yes but how would you feel if 'for once' something did happen? I totally agree that you should not be a prisoner in your home. Are there any sitting services in your area?

 

[Beate]

You'd never forgive yourself if a fire broke out while your bedbound mother is alone at home. Sitting services are a good idea to take the pressure off you.

 

[meme]

I think you have to be realistic.......we can't live by "what if this or that happens"..so I would leave her alone if needs be knowing she is as safe as she can be...

 

[cobden28]

How do you manage for grocery shopping? Do you order your groceries online, to save having to go out and leave your Mum alone in the house?

 

[gerry200]

Many thanks for your thoughts and taking the time to reply.

I do get a lot of help with her practical care and I do get some hours of a sitting service - except that's taken up with my work at my local school. It's more the half hour or so popping out to the shop, collecting a prescription, taking the cat to the vet, getting the paper, daughter missed the school bus, doctor's appointment sort of thing that we used to do together about a month ago before her legs went that I'm wondering about. I realize that I have just spent an hour weeding the garden (yes I'm impressed at myself too!) and not checked up on her but the distance away from her makes a big difference.

This is just another stage to adjust to and I need to get my head round it and get myself more organized and be very thankful that I have a nice weed-free garden to sit in while she sleeps!
Gerry

 

[copsham]

[*]It's more the half hour or so popping out to the shop, collecting a prescription, taking the cat to the vet, getting the paper, daughter missed the school bus, doctor's appointment sort of thing*


I think you have to be practical and do the above things as and when needed. Yes "something might happen" but "something might happen" if you do not get your daughter to school, get to the vets or take a miniscule time out for you!!!

The nurses reaction is amazing given when my mother was in hospital her little ward of 4 patients often were not seen by anyone at all for over an hour. When I was visiting I often had to get a nurse because someone had been sick, was trying to pull IV out etc. and it was hard to find someone at all.

Even in my mothers nursing home which I am very happy with, they look in to a person every hour over night to make sure that they are okay.

If it were me I would go out for up to an hour making sure everything was in order before I went, double checking everything turned off, doors locked etc. It is not easy though you do have to live your life with all of its practicalities too.

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