Help with Personal Care

[LilyRosa]

Hello, I'm new here (and new to Forums). My mother aged 79 has been suffering from dementia for over 5 years. She is in an EMI home now but she often refuses all help from the careers including her personal care. As you know with dementia, she cannot now remember how to work through the process of washing/bathing/showering herself and so she is just getting smellier and smellier as she is incontinent too, but refuses to wear pads. I'm just psyching myself up to go in again this afternoon and persuade her into a bath as it seems I am the only one who can manage it. The staff say she has a human right to refuse help, but surely it is unhealthy to rarely wash? Anyone any ideas or help on this? I'm feeling more and more in despair with this whole situation.

 

[Lindy50]

Hello LilyRosa and welcome to TP

This is a difficult one in that, yes, you wouldn't want the home to over-ride your mum's wishes as such.

However.....as we know this is the dementia speaking, and not your mum, I do think that the home should go out of their way to allocate a key worker who will work specifically on gaining your mum's trust. If you can persuade her into a bath, at least one or two members of staff should be able to as well

And while I don't think daily showers etc are essential, your mum does deserve to be enabled to maintain a hygienic level of cleanliness. How long has she been in the home? Is this teething troubles or should something have been sorted by now?

If your mum has been there for a while, there is no real excuse for this situation.

Good luck

Lindy xx

 

[Anniewragby]

That sounds awful for all concerned. The Matron at my parent's care home says that the neglect of personal hygiene is as much abuse as other things maybe.......Good staff in an EMI should have techniques to "persuade" clients to accept care. Perhaps you need to use such terms to the senior carers?
I hope things improve for you both soon.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello LilyRosa

My husband went through a period of refusing a bath and his care home accepted it but still offered him a bath regularly. One day he accepted one and continued to accept one thereafter.

I do hope your mother`s home hasn`t given up on her but continues to offer her a bath just in case the day may come when she accepts.

As for personal care. I cannot say the home should force your mother to accept care but I do like Lindy`s suggestion that a key worker should be encouraged to build up a more confident relationship with your mother in the hope she will accept care more willingly.

I also think as long as you show the home you are the only person who can manage your mother, they will allow you to do so. Personal care is the responsibility of the home and they should take the lead.

 

[Wolfsgirl]

When told my Mum refused a shower, I just demonstrated to a carer (after asking for her help) how to just say 'come along your bath is ready, we don't want to waste that lovely hot water' for example, and she would willingly go along.

Perhaps with your help, they can be persuaded it is possible using the right words...

Good luck x

My husband went through a period of refusing a bath and his care home accepted it but still offered him a bath regularly. One day he accepted one and continued to accept one thereafter.

I do hope your mother`s home hasn`t given up on her but continues to offer her a bath just in case the day may come when she accepts.

As for personal care. I cannot say the home should force your mother to accept care but I do like Lindy`s suggestion that a key worker should be encouraged to build up a more confident relationship with your mother in the hope she will accept care more willingly.

I also think as long as you show the home you are the only person who can manage your mother, they will allow you to do so. Personal care is the responsibility of the home and they should take the lead.