Hiya Aprilbabe,
It does sound like your mum is Sundowning. This is a very common thing for people with dementia but it is difficult to deal with and can and does stretch those who care for the person to their limits at times. Sundowning is a period of time during the day (use to be thought to be associated with the sun going down, hence the name, but can happen at any time) when a person becomes more confused and agitated. It can happen very quickly where they are fine one minute then all of a sudden not recognise where they are etc. An episode can last a few minutes or can last for hours and indeed the person doesn't sometimes return to their old self until the following day. As I said, it is common for the person not to recognise where they are. They can, like your mum, think they are in someone else's home and that they have to leave. What can also happen is for them to start talking about their parents and siblings and old neighbours that were around when they were a child. They can believe these people are still alive and will be worried about her being missing. They also talk about needing to go home - home being the childhood home and they can start packing to leave and in some instances this can lead to them leaving the house and wandering. It is thought that during the periods of confusion and not knowing where they are, that they want to go back to where they felt safe and secure around people that they know.
It is very difficult to deal with someone when they are sundowning. The very things that they are seeking are those things that we cannot give them. All we can do is provide them with reassurances that they are safe and that you will look after them. If they are looking to leave then distraction is recommended. Tell them that it is too dark/cold/late to leave tonight but that you can go in the morning. If asking for their parents don't remind them that they are dead - reassure them that you have contacted them and that they know she will be home tomorrow. Offer something to distract them... perhaps a tv programme or a cup of tea and something to eat, that kind of thing. If things are really bad then some people have resorted to taking the person either out for a walk or out in the car in the hope that when they return they will recognise their home again.
Whilst waiting for your appointment with the memory clinic, what would be useful is if you make notes of all the challenges that you are having to deal with at the moment. Make a note of what time of day these tend to get worse. Also, make a note of any underlying things that might be playing a part that day - are they particularly tired, or perhaps they have had a high amount of physical activity that day. Any things that are out of the norm - write them down. Then when you go to the memory clinic take the notes with you. This way the consultant can get a really in-depth understanding of what is happening on a daily basis. They can also see if there are any patterns, or whether things are deteriorating over time. None of which they would be able to gleen in a normal 20 minute consultation.
I hope you find some solutions which can help your mum. Please also look after yourself too as it can be really stressful dealing with this on a day to day basis.
Fiona
Thank you Fiona for your welcome reply. Much appreciated.
I have noted what you have said and I must say that I do try to write down as much as I can as to what happens on a daily basis, though I must admit these past few days I have not had a chance. Something to do very soon.
As to the sun downing, I was interested to read that it can happen at any time of the day. I must admit I assumed, because of its name, it was only apparent in the evenings.
Thinking of those awful days last week, she did seem very tired on those days, but she does get very agitated due to her living environment. SW said about her moving but that's easier said than done tbh. Difficult situation.
Mum has been here with me and my husband today, as usual on a Sunday, for lunch. She seemed a lot calmer today, only bringing up about someone taking her clothes etc a couple of times, as I tried to distract her from that conversation. Was nice too that my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter popped in and mum was happy to see them. We had bought a playhouse for my granddaughter (on offer from Asda)!! and it was lovely to see the pair of them together. Hopefully mum will remember too, though not too hopeful with that one!!!
Thanks again for your reply and wonder what this week will bring. Hope to be more prepared and calmer myself.
- and when I asked her what the bags were for, she replied she was moving, having to get out of her flat because someone else wants it. I managed to calm her down and unpacked the bags. This is a new one on me!
