Put it in writing...!

[Laurence]

As a long-term carer for my beautiful wife, I find that getting my feelings and thoughts down in writing does me good. I suspect the same is true for many others who might wish to share as well. I wrote the following recently after realising just how true the old saying 'one day at a time' really is. It is called 'Today'.

Today I found her sobbing in front of the washine machine because she couldn’t work out how to set the programme dial.
Today we saw our GP who prescribed anti-depressants. She didn't take them.
Today we saw the Boots optician who confirmed that there was something more serious going on than eyesight problems.
Today we had a brain MRI. It was clear.
Today we were told that it was Alzheimer's Disease.
Today we started the medication.
Today I had to get her dressed for the first time because she can longer do it herself.
Today I had to help her go to the toilet for the first time.
Today I had to shower her for the first time.
Today I realised that we would never make love again.
Today I fed her for the first time.
Today I went public to friends and family.
Today my mother saw me feeding her for the first time. I caught her eye and saw that she was crying.
Today I slept through the night for the last time.
Today I shouted at her in anger and instantly regretted it, realising the unfairness and futility of the act.
Today I finally got her registered as severely vision impaired due to the Alzheimer's. After a three year battle, the diagnosis by the consultant took three minutes.
Today she accidentally wet herself when she mistook her armchair for the toilet.
Today she told me that she hated me for the first time.
Today I left her at day care for the first time and sat in the car crying as though it was my child's first day at school.
Today I gave here the first dose of a mild anti-depressant and felt as guilty as if I were giving her poison.
Today I started the process of reducing one of her medications on the grounds that it was no longer beneficial.
Today I had a stairlift installed. The risk of her falling down the stairs had become unacceptable.
Today she said 'thank you' for the first time in a long time and it felt like the sun had begun to shine again.
Today I finally understood the meaning of that old cliché - 'one day at a time'
Tomorrow?
Today.

 

[Scarlett123]

As a long-term carer for my beautiful wife, I find that getting my feelings and thoughts down in writing does me good. I suspect the same is true for many others who might wish to share as well. I wrote the following recently after realising just how true the old saying 'one day at a time' really is. It is called 'Today'.

Today I found her sobbing in front of the washine machine because she couldn’t work out how to set the programme dial.
Today we saw our GP who prescribed anti-depressants. She didn't take them.
Today we saw the Boots optician who confirmed that there was something more serious going on than eyesight problems.
Today we had a brain MRI. It was clear.
Today we were told that it was Alzheimer's Disease.
Today we started the medication.
Today I had to get her dressed for the first time because she can longer do it herself.
Today I had to help her go to the toilet for the first time.
Today I had to shower her for the first time.
Today I realised that we would never make love again.
Today I fed her for the first time.
Today I went public to friends and family.
Today my mother saw me feeding her for the first time. I caught her eye and saw that she was crying.
Today I slept through the night for the last time.
Today I shouted at her in anger and instantly regretted it, realising the unfairness and futility of the act.
Today I finally got her registered as severely vision impaired due to the Alzheimer's. After a three year battle, the diagnosis by the consultant took three minutes.
Today she accidentally wet herself when she mistook her armchair for the toilet.
Today she told me that she hated me for the first time.
Today I left her at day care for the first time and sat in the car crying as though it was my child's first day at school.
Today I gave here the first dose of a mild anti-depressant and felt as guilty as if I were giving her poison.
Today I started the process of reducing one of her medications on the grounds that it was no longer beneficial.
Today I had a stairlift installed. The risk of her falling down the stairs had become unacceptable.
Today she said 'thank you' for the first time in a long time and it felt like the sun had begun to shine again.
Today I finally understood the meaning of that old cliché - 'one day at a time'
Tomorrow?
Today.

What a poignant, and sadly accurate post Laurence. Nobody, but nobody understands the pain of losing the "once-spouse", to the "now-spouse", as other TP members do. As you rightly say, one day at a time, or even one hour at a time, is all we carers can cope with.

May you continue to find the strength that you need to cope.

 

[chick1962]

This moved me to tears so beautiful written and sadly so true - thank you


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[Laurence]

Thanks Scarlett123 -you are right, sometimes it is 'one hour at a time'

 

[Laurence]

Thanks chick1962

 

[lin1]

Hello Laurence
I had only read the first few lines of your post when my, my heart broke for you.

I remember so well doing most of those firsts myself, but it was for my mum which IMO is much easier than when it is for a Husband or Wife.

One thing I wish I had done was to keep a diary so I could write about the GOOD times, cos in amongst all the rough their are some good things, many of which after nearly four yrs I am only just starting to remember.

 

[dixy]

What a moving and wonderful memorial of your mutual journey. It is also a big help to everyone else on the same road. I wonder what my today diary would would say. I will start to write one today.
Thank you Laurence

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[Ann Mac]

That is so beautiful and poignant x

I don't have that skill with words, but am taking so many photographs of my Mil - the odd sad one, but mainly, I find myself reaching for the camera when I see smiles and her interaction with my hubs (her son), or with my kids. I need to document somehow the 'best' moments, and have a folder with maybe 12 or 14 images, so far, that I especially love because of what they capture - With some I have captions that briefly record what was being said or the circumstances, all very bitter sweet. One is of her hugging my oldest girl - it was on Christmas day, and she had just received a present from the children and had said to my eldest "Considering you don't know me very well, you are so kind" - eldest later said, 'She may not always know who I am - but she knows I love her', with a big smile. My youngest has almost spent more time with 'dementia' than she has with her 'real' Nana - for her especially, I want a record that will focus on the positive, and promote 'good' memories.

 

[Chuggalug]

As a long-term carer for my beautiful wife, I find that getting my feelings and thoughts down in writing does me good. I suspect the same is true for many others who might wish to share as well. I wrote the following recently after realising just how true the old saying 'one day at a time' really is. It is called 'Today'.

Today I found her sobbing in front of the washine machine because she couldn’t work out how to set the programme dial.
Today we saw our GP who prescribed anti-depressants. She didn't take them.
Today we saw the Boots optician who confirmed that there was something more serious going on than eyesight problems.
Today we had a brain MRI. It was clear.
Today we were told that it was Alzheimer's Disease.
Today we started the medication.
Today I had to get her dressed for the first time because she can longer do it herself.
Today I had to help her go to the toilet for the first time.
Today I had to shower her for the first time.
Today I realised that we would never make love again.
Today I fed her for the first time.
Today I went public to friends and family.
Today my mother saw me feeding her for the first time. I caught her eye and saw that she was crying.
Today I slept through the night for the last time.
Today I shouted at her in anger and instantly regretted it, realising the unfairness and futility of the act.
Today I finally got her registered as severely vision impaired due to the Alzheimer's. After a three year battle, the diagnosis by the consultant took three minutes.
Today she accidentally wet herself when she mistook her armchair for the toilet.
Today she told me that she hated me for the first time.
Today I left her at day care for the first time and sat in the car crying as though it was my child's first day at school.
Today I gave here the first dose of a mild anti-depressant and felt as guilty as if I were giving her poison.
Today I started the process of reducing one of her medications on the grounds that it was no longer beneficial.
Today I had a stairlift installed. The risk of her falling down the stairs had become unacceptable.
Today she said 'thank you' for the first time in a long time and it felt like the sun had begun to shine again.
Today I finally understood the meaning of that old cliché - 'one day at a time'
Tomorrow?
Today.

Laurence, I so feel for you. These are the things that the memory questions cannot pick up. I wish there were better tests for this disease.

 

[vandy]

So Sad but true

As a long-term carer for my beautiful wife, I find that getting my feelings and thoughts down in writing does me good. I suspect the same is true for many others who might wish to share as well. I wrote the following recently after realising just how true the old saying 'one day at a time' really is. It is called 'Today'.

Today I found her sobbing in front of the washine machine because she couldn’t work out how to set the programme dial.
Today we saw our GP who prescribed anti-depressants. She didn't take them.
Today we saw the Boots optician who confirmed that there was something more serious going on than eyesight problems.
Today we had a brain MRI. It was clear.
Today we were told that it was Alzheimer's Disease.
Today we started the medication.
Today I had to get her dressed for the first time because she can longer do it herself.
Today I had to help her go to the toilet for the first time.
Today I had to shower her for the first time.
Today I realised that we would never make love again.
Today I fed her for the first time.
Today I went public to friends and family.
Today my mother saw me feeding her for the first time. I caught her eye and saw that she was crying.
Today I slept through the night for the last time.
Today I shouted at her in anger and instantly regretted it, realising the unfairness and futility of the act.
Today I finally got her registered as severely vision impaired due to the Alzheimer's. After a three year battle, the diagnosis by the consultant took three minutes.
Today she accidentally wet herself when she mistook her armchair for the toilet.
Today she told me that she hated me for the first time.
Today I left her at day care for the first time and sat in the car crying as though it was my child's first day at school.
Today I gave here the first dose of a mild anti-depressant and felt as guilty as if I were giving her poison.
Today I started the process of reducing one of her medications on the grounds that it was no longer beneficial.
Today I had a stairlift installed. The risk of her falling down the stairs had become unacceptable.
Today she said 'thank you' for the first time in a long time and it felt like the sun had begun to shine again.
Today I finally understood the meaning of that old cliché - 'one day at a time'
Tomorrow?
Today.

I am a newish carer to my husband of 56 years, we have shared our lives since I was 15, I started a diary but it I could not write things down, but I will now go back and start on this unwanted journey , many of your today's have have been there in the many years it has taken me to get a diagnosis for my husband. Thank you for sharing

 

[Laurence]

Thanks Dixy

 

[Laurence]

Thanks Lin1

 

[Laurence]

Thanks Ann Mac. Photos are such a good idea.

 

[truth24]

Oh Laurence. Have been there and got the tee shirt. Beautifully put together and I wish I could give you hope. Wish I could give us all hope. Yours in shared sadness.

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[lu]

Oh, how I can relate to what you feel. Fortunately your sensitivity and caring still is there and she is a lucky girl to have you caring for her. One thing I learned in a class I took was that the person changes, but it changes you too. Hang on, Laurance, as I sense you have retained your
Loving ways. I cannot think of anything more draining than having this 24/7 and it goes on and on. What a wonderful expression of your feelings. Please visit us again to let us know how you are doing.

 

[Laurence]

Oh, how I can relate to what you feel. Fortunately your sensitivity and caring still is there and she is a lucky girl to have you caring for her. One thing I learned in a class I took was that the person changes, but it changes you too. Hang on, Laurance, as I sense you have retained your
Loving ways. I cannot think of anything more draining than having this 24/7 and it goes on and on. What a wonderful expression of your feelings. Please visit us again to let us know how you are doing.

Thanks Lu - you're very kind. I just know she would be doing exactly the same for me.

 

[Laurence]

Laurence, I so feel for you. These are the things that the memory questions cannot pick up. I wish there were better tests for this disease.

Thanks Chuggalug. We have been pretty fortunate in the professionals we have dealt with - we are, after all, the world experts on our loved ones!

 

[Laurence]

I am a newish carer to my husband of 56 years, we have shared our lives since I was 15, I started a diary but it I could not write things down, but I will now go back and start on this unwanted journey , many of your today's have have been there in the many years it has taken me to get a diagnosis for my husband. Thank you for sharing

Thanks Vandy - I'm glad if it helped. Sometimes I think we set ourselves too high a standard for recording our experiences. Much better to record a little (or just commit it to memory) when we are pushed and let the words flow when they want to...

 

[Laurence]

Oh Laurence. Have been there and got the tee shirt. Beautifully put together and I wish I could give you hope. Wish I could give us all hope. Yours in shared sadness.

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Talking Point mobile app

Thanks Truth24. I think I have slowly come to the conclusion that my biggest goal is to simply seek to make her life as happy as I can. That's what any of us wants I guess?

 

[truth24]

You are right. It really is the sole goal in life now. We just keep trying and some days a brief moment of recollection and lucidity make it all worth while. Wishing you well.

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Talking Point mobile app