Hi Artyfarty,
We had this situation with my dad. The transfer from the hospital where he had been sectioned to his first care home massively upset and disturbed him. His behaviour got worse and worse, but it was no wonder, as the home was completely unsuitable for him. We had been pressurised into accepting the place by the social worker but it was a nightmare. He was supposed to have access to outside space as he likes to wander and exercise by walking, but the reality was a tiny courtyard which was two flights downstairs and through a locked door which he didn't have the code for (obviously he couldn't have remembered it anyway). Many other things were wrong. The home blamed it all on him and complained about his 'challenging' and 'aggressive' behaviour (they were a home which takes on challenging residents so we felt they should have been able to deal with it better). Eventually they simply dumped him in A&E and he went back to hospital.
BUT the reason that I am posting this is to say that the second home he has gone to (obviously chosen much more carefully after our complaint) is completely different. His transfer went incredibly smoothly and he has been settled ever since he arrived, amazingly. He doesn't display any of the behaviour that got him ejected from the first home. There is plenty of space to wander and lovely staff who interact with him, and proper activities. So although it does sound as if your mum is more aware of what's going on than our dad, which must be harder, it may well be that the home is not quite right for her. Do you think it answers her needs?
Good luck, it is unbelievably hard. I remember the awfulness of our dad thinking he was leaving hospital with us when we visited and all the ways we tried to distract him.
I hope your siblings are being helpful.
F x
We had this situation with my dad. The transfer from the hospital where he had been sectioned to his first care home massively upset and disturbed him. His behaviour got worse and worse, but it was no wonder, as the home was completely unsuitable for him. We had been pressurised into accepting the place by the social worker but it was a nightmare. He was supposed to have access to outside space as he likes to wander and exercise by walking, but the reality was a tiny courtyard which was two flights downstairs and through a locked door which he didn't have the code for (obviously he couldn't have remembered it anyway). Many other things were wrong. The home blamed it all on him and complained about his 'challenging' and 'aggressive' behaviour (they were a home which takes on challenging residents so we felt they should have been able to deal with it better). Eventually they simply dumped him in A&E and he went back to hospital.
BUT the reason that I am posting this is to say that the second home he has gone to (obviously chosen much more carefully after our complaint) is completely different. His transfer went incredibly smoothly and he has been settled ever since he arrived, amazingly. He doesn't display any of the behaviour that got him ejected from the first home. There is plenty of space to wander and lovely staff who interact with him, and proper activities. So although it does sound as if your mum is more aware of what's going on than our dad, which must be harder, it may well be that the home is not quite right for her. Do you think it answers her needs?
Good luck, it is unbelievably hard. I remember the awfulness of our dad thinking he was leaving hospital with us when we visited and all the ways we tried to distract him.
I hope your siblings are being helpful.
F x