Caring for my 71 year old wife

[Barnes]

Am tired and stressed. When we are out each day (lucky we are reasonably fit) it is great for us both. Opposite at home-my wife is distraught for much of the time,cries, and follows me around continually. She no longer reads or can concentrate on television.I am the sole carer but have no time to myself except late at night.
Dearly love my wife,want to continue my caring but need help.
Her memory has seriously deteriorated but she has not been diagnosed-she refuses and so far I have respected this.
Any thoughts/ideas on this-on her referral for diagnosis-on possible respite or most importantly what I can do around the house given my tiredness/stress?

 

[Polly1945]

Hi,

I do sympathise with you and your situation. It's all so difficult and especially as your wife is still reasonably young.

Your first port of call would probably be your own GP. Suggestions on here are usually for you to have a word with the GP or write to him/her to outline the problems you are having, then possibly get your wife in to see the GP, some excuse such as "the surgery are doing an over 70s check-up, might be a good idea if we both go along" ...etc.

If you can get her to go, then the GP may be able to set the ball in motion. I had to do this with my Mum and then she was referred to the Memory Clinic and put into the hands of the Mental Health team, who were marvellous. Mum was then prescribed Aricept and she did fine on them. Because she was diagnosed with Alzheimers she was then eligible to go to the Day Care and she really enjoyed that.

You will need help even if it's only a few hours in the week, and going to a day care centre will give you a little break.

We have a community transport service in our area and they would pick up Mum for the day care and bring her home again. She really enjoyed her journeys with them

This is a terrible illness to cope with you really do need to get some help soon.

Keep posting, we all understand just what you are going through.

Best wishes

Pauline

 

[sheila55]

I agree with Pauline, we spoke to our GP before taking Mum for a "well woman clinic check up". The GP was great and entirely happy to go along with our story. At least if you get a diagnosis it starts the ball rolling.

You really need to get some help to allow you to have some time to yourself. I suspect your wife will not readily agree to this but it is vital that you look after yourself as you are her main carer. Mum went to two day care centres before she went into the care home. We would never have expected her to agree to it but once she started going to her "club" she loved it.

I hope you can get some help. Take care and keep in touch here as it is a great support.

 

[Trisha4]

My husband who is 67 was diagnosed over a year ago with Alzheimer's. We decided from the outset to be open about it and seek help when needed. If you can get your wife to the doctor and get a diagnosis there are things you can do. One way might be to say its a Healthcheck for over 70s. You can then look at memory cafés, attendance allowance, reduction on council tax etc. but it will all need the first step of medical involvement. I do hope you manage to get the ball rolling.