well where do i start? have just had the worst three days of my life. FIL has AD and VD. MIL called to say she could not cope with him as he had accused her of having an affair. He is 77 and she is 69. We went down and talked to him and thought all was OK and had convinced him this was all in his mind and I was arranging for him to see his GP to ensure this was not a UTI. I have been in meetings all day at work so when i return to my office i notice a huge number of missed calls from a number of MIL friends and MIL and also a txt asking me to call MIL asap. (hubby is a truck driver so I am always first contact) My FIL is quite agile and goes to the shops everyday as part of his routine which we are quite happy for him to do. It appears that although we thought he realised that he has found the said 68 (quite fit and agile) year old gentleman and hit him. Luckily there were delivery men who witnessed it and it took to of them to hold FIL back. He is tall and slight but obviously found the strength from somewhere!!!! I rang the CPN and the gp tonight and it is thought he has an infection, however he has a very painful leg from falling in the fight and it transpires he has a very swollen testicle so we are awaiting an emergency scan to come through. Not only could I cry for FIL but MIL just does not seem to grasp the idea he is ill. This is killing husband as he is the only one left as we lost his younger brother to cancer four years ago. What kind of wife just turns her back and ignores this making out she is the victim I am so angry as neither of us can afford to leave work and care for him yet she refuses to have carers in. sorry but had to let off steam and not fair to do this to hubby he has enough on his plate.
Just when you think things are looking up
- Thread starter mrsted
- Start date
Hi Mrsted,
It is very difficult when someone is determined not to accept any help. The feeling of being the victim I have felt myself. My husband had Alzheimer's and was diagnosed at 62. We lost our retirement, I lost my husband, I lost my freedom. There was a lot of 'I' in my mind. It stayed in my mind I never said it aloud and I think there may be quite a few of us who have felt this way.
All you can do is support your MIL and hope that she sees things differently soon and agrees to accept help.
Maybe if you kind of infer that the help is for her more than your FIL she may agree to some.
Good luck,
Jay
It is very difficult when someone is determined not to accept any help. The feeling of being the victim I have felt myself. My husband had Alzheimer's and was diagnosed at 62. We lost our retirement, I lost my husband, I lost my freedom. There was a lot of 'I' in my mind. It stayed in my mind I never said it aloud and I think there may be quite a few of us who have felt this way.
All you can do is support your MIL and hope that she sees things differently soon and agrees to accept help.
Maybe if you kind of infer that the help is for her more than your FIL she may agree to some.
Good luck,
Jay
thanks for this Jay good to see the other side however she does not help herself as as soon as it gets tough she goes to the local to tell all who will listen. I am in no way ashamed of FIL i think the world of him, perhaps i am comparing which is wrong as my mum cared for my dad to his last day, and he died at home a double below knee amputee with COPD and although it was tough she did it!!!! I am probably feeling sorry for myself but it kills me inside seeing him like this, and seeing hubby going through this as well. Just having a really bad week I am hoping that heart of hearts things will get better but know in my heart they will only get worse especially if the guy calls the police. Another sleepless night on the way !!!!!
So sorry for what you and your family are going through
Just a word about the Police.Sometimes it can do a world of good to get services involved. If the Police are notified they will visit your Dad, see the situation and phone Social Services.They may even help your MIL by making her realise that she needs help.
Unfortunately you can't force your MIL to accept help-perhaps if you and your Husband were less available she would think about it? Your FIL could even go to daycare which would help both of them?
I feel sorry for all of you
Take care
Lyn T
Have spoken to our lovely CPN who has agreed this will need to be discussed further but we will monitor him over the weekend as we are hoping it is the result of a UTI, however MIL behaviour has to be addressed now as hubby and I both work and as nice as it would be to give up and look after them both, finacially we are not able.
I have a funeral to attend this afternoon of a friend who only made it to 39, so hopefully will be able to nip in after to make sure he is OK I just dread the phone ringing now. I am so jumpy and it does not help working in a busy office.
I have a funeral to attend this afternoon of a friend who only made it to 39, so hopefully will be able to nip in after to make sure he is OK I just dread the phone ringing now. I am so jumpy and it does not help working in a busy office.
