Advice please

[Patty81]

After a great deal of heartache my husband went into an EMI residential care home on Monday. I tried so hard to keep him at home but in the end couldn't cope. We spent ages trying to find the right one and we thought we had found it, the staff were so kind and caring. I had a bombshell on Thursday when I was told they had rung the SW to say they couldn't deal with him because of his aggression when getting dressed and undressed.

I want to bring him home again and try to cope but my family say not (they saw the state I was in before). Do I let the SW find him somewhere which might be anywhere within a radius of 15/20 miles from where I live?

Your thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[lexy]

deleted

 

[Jo1958]

Patti, hi
What a heartbreaking situation for you both, I am so sorry to hear that the home aren't coping with your husband, I've not come across an EMI residential home before as they seem to be nursing homes around here if they are EMI, it's amazing how different things are all around the country.

I would keep in contact with the Social Worker involved and speak to them everyday to find out what the situation is, if there are other homes which they think might be better able to cope then you should be able to visit first to see what you think, your input will be crucial if your husband is going to be happy and settle in any new home.

Are there any that you have visited that might be worth another look, especially now you have more information about how your husband reacts to personal care. It's such a dreadful job trawling round looking at homes but it's time well spent if it means that you are up to date with what is available and what you think is appropriate.

Isn't it always the case that these situations blow up just before a long bank holiday weekend, I hope you are OK and visiting your husband isn't too stressful knowing that he probably won't be staying where he is.

Take good care of yourself and good luck with finding the right place which suits you both, hard but not impossible.
With best wishes from Jo

 

[jaymor]

Hello Patty,

Monday to Thursday is not a very long time to allow someone to settle. Your husband may be even more confused because he has more people in his life now and he needs to get used to them being around and once familiar may settle. His behaviour is normal when it comes to personal care. I know I would fight, kick and be verbal if some unknown people came towards me trying to remove my clothes. These carers are strangers to him, he needs time.

Someone from the home should have been to see him, look at his records and spent time with him. It is their decision as to whether to accept him as they know what they can manage. They obviously did not do their assessment very well.

An EMI home with nursing may be better because they do tend to have a few more staff and will have a nurse on duty. Extra staff will help in his care but he needs time to get to feel comfortable with them. Monday to Thursday is not enough time.

I do hope you can find somewhere that is not too far away and know how to care for someone who has dementia.

Jay