Over the past months my mother has accused me of just about everything, including theft and prostitution. Bit by bit as time has gone by I have stopped getting cross or trying to reason with her. Yesterday she told me I was going to end up in jail. I tried to reassure her that as I hadn't done anything wrong I was sure she need not worry. Quick as a flash and with a jubilant cry of "Aha! You would say that!!!" I was proven guilty yet again. There was real triumph in her voice, she was so pleased with herself that I didn't even mind being the daughter from hell. There was something very Eric Morecambe about how she said it and when she slammed the phone down I didn't cry but had a good laugh! I am going up to see her tomorrow and I swear if she "Ahas" me again I will waggle my specs at her like Eric would have done to Ernie.....
You have to laugh....
- Thread starter CJW
- Start date
Yes, well I had lunch with my sister recently and a cousin we don't see very often. I thought I would tell John all about it and spoke at length about cousin Mairi while he seemed to be paying attention. When I stopped talking he said "so, is she dead then?".
I replied "well not while we were eating lunch". Stupid me. I should have known he couldn't follow such a conversation. You do indeed have to laugh.
I replied "well not while we were eating lunch". Stupid me. I should have known he couldn't follow such a conversation. You do indeed have to laugh.
Have to laugh or you would cry!!
I made a great effort to take my mother from her nursing home to lunch yesterday. I was a bit worried how she would manage. The minute we arrived at the quiet restaurant she needed to go to the loo. When I helped her back to the table she said "what are we doing here? why are we waiting?"!!
No more lunches out - just coffee and cake!!
There was another woman in the restaurant with her confused older relative, being very patient. I wondered whether she was on of the talking point members. We might pass each other and never know!
I made a great effort to take my mother from her nursing home to lunch yesterday. I was a bit worried how she would manage. The minute we arrived at the quiet restaurant she needed to go to the loo. When I helped her back to the table she said "what are we doing here? why are we waiting?"!!
No more lunches out - just coffee and cake!!
There was another woman in the restaurant with her confused older relative, being very patient. I wondered whether she was on of the talking point members. We might pass each other and never know!
My mother said that they are not allowed in the mens rooms in her nursing home. An elderly male resident then said to me - your mother came in to my room but don't worry she is safe with me! I will be worrying about this next.
My 77 yr old FIL is convinced that my 69 yrs old MIL is having an affair and was so upset he asked me to tell my hubby. When hubby went down to talk to him about it he replied with "who would be daft enough to have an affair with her?". Bless him we had to laugh.
My mother has never accused me of prostitution, though she has accused me of theft and trying to get her out of her house so I can take it for myself (I think that has come from a comment I made many years ago to the effect I'd like to take her bungalow on when she dies and not before!). She has accused her poor sister of everything under the sun, from theft to making a mess of her kitchen. My auntie has only stayed there once, two years ago!
She has also accused the next door neighbours of various nefarious activities (but only to me, never to them) from interfering with her TV aerial, through prowling around her house at night, to interfering with her mail (which the wife went to prison for, according to her) - when we go out anywhere she comments on the freesat dish lead coming out of her house and asking who put it there and why. She had told me that the woman next door had killed herself and I was most amused when this woman came up to say hello while we were in Sainsbury's just before Christmas.
She has also accused my cousin Richard of doing something to her TV - all it was was the Freesat box going on to standby after being on for too long so I fixed that by changing the settings. She was all for calling the police for that one - I wish I'd let her do that now - I'd love to see what a big hairy copper made of that one. It is funny in a batty kind of way, but at the time it can be upsetting.
My poor auntie is so upset by mum's dementia (she's older than mum at 87 but sharp as a knife) - she keeps going on about how intelligent mum used to be and I have to remind her that she's still intelligent and always will be, it's just this horrible disease affecting her memory and reasoning abilities.
She has also accused the next door neighbours of various nefarious activities (but only to me, never to them) from interfering with her TV aerial, through prowling around her house at night, to interfering with her mail (which the wife went to prison for, according to her) - when we go out anywhere she comments on the freesat dish lead coming out of her house and asking who put it there and why. She had told me that the woman next door had killed herself and I was most amused when this woman came up to say hello while we were in Sainsbury's just before Christmas.
She has also accused my cousin Richard of doing something to her TV - all it was was the Freesat box going on to standby after being on for too long so I fixed that by changing the settings. She was all for calling the police for that one - I wish I'd let her do that now - I'd love to see what a big hairy copper made of that one. It is funny in a batty kind of way, but at the time it can be upsetting.
My poor auntie is so upset by mum's dementia (she's older than mum at 87 but sharp as a knife) - she keeps going on about how intelligent mum used to be and I have to remind her that she's still intelligent and always will be, it's just this horrible disease affecting her memory and reasoning abilities.
I made a great effort to take my mother from her nursing home to lunch yesterday. I was a bit worried how she would manage. The minute we arrived at the quiet restaurant she needed to go to the loo. When I helped her back to the table she said "what are we doing here? why are we waiting?"!!
No more lunches out - just coffee and cake!!
There was another woman in the restaurant with her confused older relative, being very patient. I wondered whether she was on of the talking point members. We might pass each other and never know!
I took my mum to a Costa a couple of weeks ago - when we sat down a little old lady sat down at the next table. She was a lovely sweet old lady, and trotted off to get me some napkins when I spilled my coffee. We struck up a bit of a conversation which my mum didn't like (because it took attention from her) but she was just a lovely, shy, little old lady. She didn't stay long and didn't drink all her drink and I wondered if she was suffering from dementia too and if so, whether she remained as sweet and shy and lovely with her family as my mother will be like that in front of strangers.
It's just me she gets the ache with.
It always is. I am guilty of everything and should be locked up. In fact Mum took great delight in telling everyone I had been to prison for stealing from her. I have been on the game for years and I want to do very inappropriate things with ducks.
. She also thought all the men were 'up for it' including the manager. Where all that same from I have no idea. I was just very shocked and embarrassed.
Was out with MIL y'day, at the till after a bit of shopping she asked if she'd had her pension this week, I said no I would get it for her today, she said have you got yours yet? I'm 53, probably looking a bit haggard with the lack of sleep etc but not that bad surely. I pulled her leg about it & at least she had a good chuckle!
I was doing some ironing in my bedroom watching tv. Mum was asleep downstairs in the sitting room or so I thought. I heard her coming up the stairs so I pushed the door open a bit. She was peeping over the bannister. I asked her if she was ok because she was looking very worried. She said "Have you got men in there?" I couldn't help laughing but I said no, I wish.
Lemony, where did the ducks come from??!!! That's the funniest thing...Sorry, I couldn't help but laugh at that!
CJW - spec-waggling is exactly the way to go. What else can you do? I've often felt like a walk on part in an Alice in Wonderland world. MIL calls me her angel, then every name under the sun and guilty of all perversions! Mum was delighted by my false teeth (I don't have any) and boob job (didn't do that either). She also played Ronnie o"Sullivan at the Crucible in a final though I was never quite sure whether that was before or after David Beckham called round to see her....
CJW - spec-waggling is exactly the way to go.
What else can you do? I've often felt like a walk on part in an Alice in Wonderland world. MIL calls me her angel, then every name under the sun and guilty of all perversions! Mum was delighted by my false teeth (I don't have any) and boob job (didn't do that either). She also played Ronnie o"Sullivan at the Crucible in a final though I was never quite sure whether that was before or after David Beckham called round to see her....
My mother said to me last night 'I've slept with every man that's come into this house'
My mum's on the lookout for a sailor
My mum's on the lookout for a sailor
Hi Perdita, I hope you replied "aren't we all"!
