Feeling desperate - police called three times in 24 hours

[Isabella]

Hi everyone

I haven't posted in a while. A new care agency was brought in for my mother (severe vascular dementia, MMSE score 7, living alone at home) at the end of Jan and things seemed better. I actually thought we could cope with this.

Then yesterday I arrive at her house and she isn't there. The scenario I have always feared the most. Keys and handbag inside, one red shoe missing (she took just the one!) and all coats still on their hangers.

I call the police in a panic, and turns out neighbours have called twice already (it's only 10 am at this point) as she has gone out wandering twice already so far that day.

Police bring her to me, tell me they have been called six times since Feb - no-one had told me! and that they had made adult protection referrals to SS each time. No action taken! I had known about wandering in Jan and reported to SS but had no idea of the number of incidents or police involvement. Police also said neighbours (who have key safe code) have said they have taken her back home many times and not reported to police or SS.

Police were very firm with me that she cannot live in her home alone as clearly not safe and promised to make their views clear to SS on Monday (tomorrow).

So this morning I find eight missed calls on my phone, nearly have a heart attack when I see this, and discover she has done it again! A member of the public found her and called the police.

I am desperate. I have now made a formal complaint to SS about their failure to act on the AP referrals, but let's face it they can do whatever they want and they know it.

I don't know what to do.

For more than six months I have begged SS to put her into residential care and they told me in Jan (two days before the first known wandering incident) that she was "fully independent"- despite having a MMSE score of 7 at the time!

I have reported every concern to them, every wandering and safety incident, providing photo evidence when I could, but they have always acted like I'm some kind of nut who exaggerates everything. I contacted my local MP who suggested I "continue to press them". Waste of space.

How do I make these people listen and actually do something! She has the mental capacity of a four year old. No-one would dream of letting a four year old live alone so how can they let her? It's crazy.

I feel so desperate and depressed tonight.

How much longer can this go on? Why isn't there anyone who will help us?

Sorry I don't mean to sound dramatic, but really feel so hopeless.

 

[susy]

I don't have the right advice but didn't want to read and run. Many people on here will know the phrases to use to get SS to take action. I'm sure there is a safeguarding team and some SS person on call 24/7. Call them now (when you hear advice from others) and try and get the ball rolling.
Totally disgusting how you and your mum have been treated!
Good luck x

 

[juniepoonie]

hi Isabella what a difficult time your having . I don't really have much advice other than to say next time police call you couldn't you say you cant cope anymore an suggest they call SS as you cant care for your mum any longer. does she have a phychiatrist could you call them if she does an ask for your mum to be admitted to a assessment unit as a matter of urgency an explane you can not cope or care any longer. this may work im not sure but you really need some help. what about your mums gp have you spoken to them. also if you get to speak to SS say they have a duty of care to your mother an if anything happens you will be holding them guilty for not caring for your mum as they should be. good luck im sure others will have some good advice to offer you soon. xx

 

[LYN T]

I'm so sorry that you are so worried-I would be in your position. I had to make a formal complaint to the head of the local SS's when I was refused any help.I was desperate. Pete was violent/hallucinating and delusional. Got the help in the end. Let's hope the phone call from the Police will spur them into action. Get in touch with Adult Safeguarding as SS's should have offered help pronto.

I hope you have some better news tomorrow

Take care

Lyn T

 

[Lottie134]

How awful & worrying for you. We also had issues with MIL wandering, not on the same scale as you but it seemed to me that I was the only one really concerned.
Really SS should be acting on police information. I would threaten them that if anything happens to your mother you will hold them solely responsible. Has she had a capacity test ? A best interest meeting ?
I would definately request a review on your mother. Or are they just waiting for you to hit crisis point....like they do before they will act.

 

[Nebiroth]

There is really not much more you can do yourself, I think you have done just about everything humanly possible. It is shocking that neither social services nor doctors have elected to act - although I do begin to wonder whether these incidents were ever referred to your mum's GP or assigned consultant/CPN.

I doubt veyr much that they will be able to evade complaint sbeing laid by the emergency services. If nothing else, it is a waste of police resources to keep having to respond to critical situations that should not be allowed to happen in the first place. Essentially they are fire-fighting because social services aren't acting.

Perhaps it is time for the police to consider using their own powers to temporarily detain your mum "in a place of safety" and to have her assessed by an independent doctor, rather than simply returning her home. The police can do this if your mum is found in a public place and this is deemed necessary for her own safety or that of others.

I would say that an MMSE score only provides supportive evidence. MMSE and similar tests are really only a crude guide to someone's cognitive abilities and the score can vary from day to day and even when given by different people. It is possible for someone to have a low score and still live relatively independently, with support, whilst someone else with a higher score would be placed in a care home.

 

[Noorza]

You can ask the police to give you a print out (they'd probably email these days) of all of the call outs they have been alerted to, so would get this as further evidence.

I would link your phone number to the emergency services in the meantime so that if there is a call about your mum you are immediately notified. It can be done we have this in place.

I would ask the neighbours to call the police AND you if they see your mum wandering as it will have an official police record of her behaviour which endangers herself and makes it harder for social services to ignore.

I wish you the world of luck.

 

[Isabella]

Thanks everyone. I have a list of all the police referrals and included this with my complaint to SS. I've asked the neighbours to log with police, as they seem reluctant to and one even apologised to me for having done so!

Some people have mentioned best interest meetings on this forum. What is this? I've only been involved in assessments, which has included CPN, care broker and care agency mgr, and involved asking my mother questions about how she looks after herself (she said a load of stuff that was 100% untrue so I had to correct everything she said and was then told by the broker that I was projecting my own expectations of life onto my mother...). That is all they've done as far as I'm aware - should there be something else happening too?

Regarding capacity, there have been numerous incidents they are aware of including filling her house with smoke by trying to cook a ready meal on the hob while in packaging (cooker was subsequently disconnected) and locking herself in the house and not knowing how to get out (locksmith had to be called to break in - at cost of £90!) so they are aware that she is not coping - but is there a formal capacity assessment they should be doing too?

Any advice you could offer would be appreciated.

 

[Isabella]

Thanks Kassy. I have tried threatening everyone as you suggest but haven't always had the chance because the last time she was taken into hospital, they sent her home without even telling me. I got a call from the red cross at 9pm saying they'd taken her home and could I explain how to work the heating! It seems everyone in the so-called 'caring' professions is letting people with dementia down, regardless of who they work for.

 

[Jessbow]

Next time the police ring you ( and there will be a next time!) thank them profoundly and say unfortunately you are x miles away at the moment- what do they suggest happens now?

( YOU NEEDN'T BE ANYWHERE, JUST THROW THE BALL THEIR WAY)

 

[gerry200]

I'm just wondering what would everyone (SS, police, Red Cross etc) do if you weren't there as the contact? Sometimes I think that at long as there is someone, anyone, around who cares, then the powers that be abdicate responsibility in the hope that you will pick it up so they don't have to even if they should. Sorry if that's not helpful but I hear your frustration with it all so clearly and I feel you are both being treated so shabbily. Good luck.

Gerry

 

[Anongirl]

I'm gobsmacked Isabella.

Clearly SS in different areas are very different to each other. My mum was nowhere near as bad as your mum yet the SS in her area certainly listened when things deteriorated.

Does your mum have a social worker? If she doesn't she certainly should.

Eventually I had exactly the same scenario as you. Mum went missing with no keys or coat and ended up in an ambulance. She was reported as a vulnerable adult and things went from there. She was assigned a social worker who was my point of contact for my concerns. After more incidents, and finding that even with four carers a day, it was obvious things could not carry on like they were.

I can't believe that even after a police report they aren't listening!

 

[Owly]

Does your Mum have a decent amount of savings or own her own house that could be sold? If so, you can move her into care by making a private arrangement with a care home without SS involvement. She would then be "self-funded".

If not, then unfortunately you have to pressurise SS into agreeing to place her in care. As this is very expensive for them, in comparison to daily carers visiting, they are going to resist as long as they can.

 

[bilslin]

Hi Isabella sorry you and yopur mum are having a bad time just wanted to say good luck with the ss. Try and get your mums neighbours to report every time they are involved, it might help. Keep bring your mums case to the top. lindaxxx

 

[helly71]

I would find out if it the same person making this decision st S.S each time and if so ask for someone else to look at the case. Also try mentioning your solicitor Is on the case on the grounds of neglect on the side of S.S. Good luck.

 

[Lottie134]

Isabella
A best interest meeting is a meeting where everyone involved in your mums care gets together & decides what the next step is regarding your mothers care.
Usually a capacity assessment has been carried out prior to the meeting. MILs BI meetings have been chaired by a clinical practitioner (who have the ultimate decision) & included DN, CPN, SW, myself & OH, staff from Careline (the red button people) & care provider ( the carers who called 4 times a day).
At the meeting in Jan it was decided that it was in MILs best interest that she stayed at home, but things deteriorated so much that she ended up in hospital again & has now been in a care home for nearly 3weeks.
Every aspect of your mothers care would be discussed & it gives you a chance to let everyone know just what us happening.

 

[Isabella]

I'm just wondering what would everyone (SS, police, Red Cross etc) do if you weren't there as the contact? Sometimes I think that at long as there is someone, anyone, around who cares, then the powers that be abdicate responsibility in the hope that you will pick it up so they don't have to even if they should. Sorry if that's not helpful but I hear your frustration with it all so clearly and I feel you are both being treated so shabbily. Good luck.

Gerry

My mother's council does not have social workers for older adult care. I know this is unbelievable, but true. She has a CPN who deals with mental health side only, and a broker who ''buys" the care based on an assessment she does (ie going through a form), but is not a social worker. So basically there is no-one qualified to assess her overall care needs. I've asked repeatedly for a social worker, but this just isn't how they operate.

 

[zoob]

Financial assessment

Hi all....I would like to know if when having a financial assessment by social services, they have a right to know how much I myself have in the bank. I feel that, that should be no concern of theirs as the financial assessment is for my mother? Confused!! Any comments welcome!

 

[Jessbow]

No business of theirs whatsoever, what you have in the bank.

Assessing your mother not you - if they ask/asked , tell them to Bog off!

 

[zoob]

Thankyou....I just put a new post as I realised I had posted in the wrong place!