A new stage in my life...................

[CollegeGirl]

Dhiren lives on in your heart; he always will. You did remember, and I hope you indulged in some happy memories of your wedding day rather than beating yourself up.

One of my work colleagues lost her partner to cancer last year, and I was talking to her about him the other day. She told me that 'they never really die, you know. He's always there, he's never far away.' Not having suffered a close bereavement myself, this really surprised me, but I take comfort from the thought.

I'm not too sure why I'm telling you this, Sylvia! But it seemed appropriate.

xxx

 

[Loopiloo]

It`s strange really.

I had an email from Paul this morning. He had remembered but had forgotten to mention it when he came round. He said;

I dont think either of us feel like dad has died and maybe he hasn’t really....so we just carry on living life as normal (in a good way)

I don`t think this is denial, we know Dhiren has died, it`s just how we both seem to feel.

I don't think it is denial either, Sylvia. Dhiren has physically died but for each of you he lives on in so many other respects. We are more than our physical bodies.

Loo xx

 

[sunray]

I can understand you forgetting your anniversary, just being with Dhiren would have reminded you.

I think because Ray was in a nursing home the last year of his life and before that in hospital my mind didn't grasp the fact that because he was not here he must have died. It was like he was in a room somewhere waiting for me to visit. So that lead to some of my muddled thinking about him. It wasn't denial so much as a sense that he was just somewhere else for a while as he had been many, many times before.

Sue.

 

[Saffie]

I would imagine that losing a partner to death is a continuation of the loss we have already experienced by losing so much of them already to dementia and, in many cases to another home. It doesn't make it any more sad and upsetting but well, just different.

Anniversaries are just days which pass but marriages are made up of so many days and the memories associated with them will last forever. x

 

[Grannie G]

I do think there is something in the length of time Dhiren lived in care. Four years. Even though I visited so frequently it was just that, a visit, not living with and sharing a life.

It might be why I have no wish to visit the home even though staff have invited me not to be a stranger.

On a happier note, I got my new glasses yesterday . The world has been spring cleaned.

 

[kd7279]

On a happier note, I got my new glasses yesterday . The world has been spring cleaned.

OMG! I won't be able to kid you that I look like Brad Pit now.
Keith

 

[Grannie G]

OMG! I won't be able to kid you that I look like Brad Pit now.

You never know. They might be rose coloured.

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Dear Sylvia, in popping back to catch up on all my dear ones I see your beloved has left this world. How terribly shocked and saddened I was to hear this. It's heartening to see you are handling things with your usual strength and grace but I know it must be the most difficult of times. Regardless of their state, such a loss is no less of a sting, I'm sorry, I feel so clumsy trying to express myself. I hope you have your "reading between the lines" glasses on to read this.
My deepest condolences to you and your loved ones.
Love, Stephanie

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Dear Sylvia, I hope you have managed to enjoy more walks in the sunshine and seeing the newly polished world. I think the magpies took the eggs of a blackbird in our garden a few weeks ago, but the blackbird is singing again, and that brings me cheer.

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you Stephanie and Anne.

I`m off to London to the Theatre today, with two TP friends to see Fiddler on the Roof. One friend is coming back with me for the week. She is going to try to create a Japanese Garden for me.

 

[Saffie]

Oh how wonderful! The Fiddler on the Roof too - but more essentially, the Japanese type garden.
Will you post some pictures of it later please? I'd love to see them. x

 

[kd7279]

Thank you Stephanie and Anne.

I`m off to London to the Theatre today, with two TP friends to see Fiddler on the Roof. One friend is coming back with me for the week. She is going to try to create a Japanese Garden for me.

Aah so.
Enjoy the theatre trip Sylvia.
I have been trying to restore my garden. Dorothy was the gardener, I was just the labourer, but over the past 5 years, all I have done is the basics as she didn't like me out in the garden while she was indoors.
So, over the past few weeks I have taken over 20 bags of garden rubbish to the tip, spent a fortune on bedding plants and grass care and now it is looking better, though never as good as when she did it.
As a centre piece I have a rose bush, the type is called Dorothy.
Keith

 

[jeany123]

Oh I hope you enjoy the theatre and Fiddler on the Roof, The Japanese garden sounds lovely that is something to look forward to, Yes we must have photos ,

Jeany xx

 

[flowerpot]

Enjoy your theatre trip Sylvia and the Japanese garden sounds lovely

Sent from my XT1032 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you all so much.

Fiddler was wonderful. We all enjoyed it.

The garden is marvellous. I don`t think it`s a true Japanese garden , but does have a significant oriental flair. It won`t be complete until the spiral pagoda arrives . I`ve taken lots of photos and will certainly post them.
And of course some plants will need time to establish. There are acers in the garden which may not even show in the photos but they are there.

I watched, and cleaned out the shed.

On a more sombre note, I received a letter from Kings College London who have completed the neuropathological report on Dhiren. The findings are Alzheimer`s disease with various other pathologies.

On Monday 14th. April I will be having a memory test with Kings College. I was last tested in 2011.

 

[BeckyJan]

Your garden sounds lovely. I look forward to seeing some pictures soon.
I would love to inspect your shed - how many spiders did you turn out or did you just leave them in peace :

I hope amidst all this hard work you have time to sit, relax and enjoy.
(Memory test ).

 

[Rageddy Anne]

We saw Fiddler on the Roof not long ago, and loved it. One scene keeps running through my head; when Tevye is asking his wife, after many years of marriage, ""Do you.....love me?" I look at my husband and imagine him asking me the same question after all these years, and it helps me to be more patient when his behaviour is driving me up the wall.

 

[Haylett]

I watched, and cleaned out the shed.

That is deeply impressive!
I'm going to have to lie down.

 

[kd7279]

"On Monday 14th. April I will be having a memory test with Kings College. I was last tested in 2011. "

Can't remember the last time I had a memory test!

 

[garnuft]

I'm looking forward to the photos too Sylvia and I'm as impressed as Haylett by you cleaning out the shed, mine is desperate to be sorted out but I will avoid it until I need something at the back.

Sorry to hear you're going for a memory test, I hope it proves to be a wasted worry. x