I broke down over a stupid hand bag !!

[blandford516]

Hi All ,

Feel very sad today we have just emptied my parents bungalow and it has sold ready to pay for my mums care . Dad passed away last May from a brain tumour and mum was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia at the same time !!
The saddest thing of all was going through my mum's personal stuff with my sister .Although mum always said she wanted us to do this job not our brothers . Absolutely silly really but I totally broke down when my sister brought out this hand bag of mum's . Bin or charity she said , which she is right we had a job to do and I totally broke down over this stupid hand bag !!
I explained that in this hand bag was a purse , mum's purse and in this purse was a simple shopping list in mum's writing and a note on the back in dad's writing !! I now have the purse and the note which I will cherish !! silly really . The bag I told my sister was a heart breaker (one of many we have had over the past 18 months !) I had gone down to check on my mum one day and arrived at the bungalow to mum sitting on the settee with her hand bag full . I asked mum what was in the bag ,mum told me to look . She has put her slippers , nightie and toothbrush in there . I asked her why and she replied well I am coming to stay with you . That is to me the most saddest heart breaking moment I will ever remember and grateful that my lovely mum will not remember ! I just wanted to share my silly sentimental moment with you all .

 

[MeganCat]

It's so hard, you're not being silly. When I cleared mums flat I found my brothers (necessary due to time constraints) matter of fact - keep, charity, tip attitude upsetting at times.
Well done on doing a hard job x

 

[mancmum]

So sad for you

So sorry for you.

I am carrying the grief of not being able to clear the house after my mother died. Because I was looking after my Dad I had to try and do it by remote control with my 20 year old son actually doing the work with some assistance from my husband. It was a difficult situation for all of us but he was not able to understand what should be saved and what shouldn't. An 80 year old silk christening gown, my school prizes, my dad's apprentice lines were just thrown on a skip.

I had wanted to try and involve my Dad but he just couldn't do it.

I can't be angry with them because my husband has given my Dad a home and the kids are so helpful in looking after him but I am so so sad about that christening gown. Can I just have my little rant here.

 

[jugglingmum]

I am in the process of clearing my mum's house and it is so hard - due to her hoarding habits(pre dementia), heaps and heaps to sort through.

In speed I have binned stuff I wish I had kept (pencil box I made age 11 at school is the biggest regret - which sounds really silly). I am very sentimental about things - and have paused to read letters I have binned - which described my grandfather's multiple cruises he took in his retirement written long before I was born etc. Many letters were from the 50s.

Such a hard hard task - and I also am conscious every minute longer I spend keeps me away from my children

 

[CollegeGirl]

It's not at all silly, it's very poignant. I'm pleased you rescued the shopping list with both your mum and dad's handwriting on it, that to me would be a particular treasure to be kept forever, a memory of their life together.

I have a birthday card that was given to me by my granddad when I was very little (he died when I was five) and to touch the words he wrote, and imagine him writing them, bring him back to me in a way that nothing else can.

Big hugs.

 

[blandford516]

Thank you all again for listening and nice to know in a way that you understand and of course you all do because you are all going through the same thing as myself . We are like one big huge family in a way . Thank you it is all really appreciated x
ps my mum is still doing ok ish but to be totally honest I want her nightmare to be over and then my nightmare can be too !! and she can at last be with the one man she truly loved . Soppy but true . x Good night all and wish you all the best and thinking of you all x

 

[flower1]

Hi, I did the same, had to clear out Mum's bungalow to pay for Mum's care when she went in to the nursing home where she has been for the past 4 years (she in now in last stage vascular dementia - heartbreaking). I kept her last handbag and shopping list which she tried to write after having her stroke. It's such a hard time and I feel for you. Hope your Mum settles well in the Nursing Home

 

[Jessbow]

Hi All ,

Feel very sad today we have just emptied my parents bungalow and it has sold ready to pay for my mums care . Dad passed away last May from a brain tumour and mum was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia at the same time !!
The saddest thing of all was going through my mum's personal stuff with my sister .Although mum always said she wanted us to do this job not our brothers . Absolutely silly really but I totally broke down when my sister brought out this hand bag of mum's . Bin or charity she said , which she is right we had a job to do and I totally broke down over this stupid hand bag !!
I explained that in this hand bag was a purse , mum's purse and in this purse was a simple shopping list in mum's writing and a note on the back in dad's writing !! I now have the purse and the note which I will cherish !! silly really . The bag I told my sister was a heart breaker (one of many we have had over the past 18 months !) I had gone down to check on my mum one day and arrived at the bungalow to mum sitting on the settee with her hand bag full . I asked mum what was in the bag ,mum told me to look . She has put her slippers , nightie and toothbrush in there . I asked her why and she replied well I am coming to stay with you . That is to me the most saddest heart breaking moment I will ever remember and grateful that my lovely mum will not remember ! I just wanted to share my silly sentimental moment with you all .

My dad died of undiagnosed bladder caner almost 18 months ago.
Mum has had to go into residential care a month ago
Sorting out their bungalow, I wept about the bread board!

They were married just short of 60 years and it was a wedding present

 

[Thrippy]

It's sad. Haven't had a proper clear out yet but me and dad bagged some items up because we had relatives staying in the spare room. Found lots of pairs of similar Clarks shoes, brand new, and handbags too. Guess I take after mum then and she kept a few of mine and my brothers old little toys. A James Bond car, a troll doll and a paddington bear statue that I used to have in my room. She also kept every Xmas and birthday card from us and every card to us from her sister.

 

[blandford516]

Hi all ,

It is strange to think that a simple thing such as a hand bag or chopping board or a single shopping list can evoke such emotions , but I guess we are just clinging on to these things as they are reminders of our parents before they became ill . Off happier times before it it all became a bad dream . Such an awful horrible disease this dementia . Thinking of you all in the same boat x

 

[Witzend]

When we were clearing my mother's house, one of the things I got most upset and sentimental about was a very old wooden spoon - so well used it was worn right down on one side. She had had it for ever. Needless to say that was one of the things that did NOT go to either tip or charity shop.

Having had to do both, I think it is almost worse clearing a house while someone is still alive, than after they've died. You feel as if you are throwing their life away. A lot of my mother's things went up in our loft, since I couldn't bear to get rid of them. But now we have had to clear the loft since OH is putting in more insulation, and some of the stuff really will have to go now. But it is easier now, after over 6 years.

Someone mentioned an old silk christening gown - that's one of the things I've got - it was my father's so around 100 years old now - and a matching cloak - both beautifully made with tiny pin tucks, probably by my granny and great-granny. My mother used to say she wanted to use them for the four of us, but we were all too fat to fit into them!!!

 

[60's child]

This has brougt back menories of when we cleared my Grandparents house. I always remember as a child we went to the January sales each year after christmas so Gran could buy new bedlinen. I always thought it was a nice idea to have new linen every year. When we cleared the house we found all the linen that she brought, unopened, still in the department store bags that she brought them from. I felt really sad that she had never used them. I expect she was saving them for "best" .
It was very emotional, the whole clearing out of someones life. I am dreading doing it with my Mums house.
xx

 

[Jess26]

Some very touching stories. I didn't get the chance to go through mum's things as my brother lived with her and cleared everything without offering anything to me.

 

[Neph]

blandford I know exactly how you feel as this was exactly what happened to me. When it came around to clearing the house I got so emotional over so many things, but had to be ruthless. I still have boxes of stuff here in the attic that I couldn't bare to throw away.

Sending you hugs.

 

[Il Gufo]

Oh Witzend - how very true what you say about clearing your loved one's home while they are still alive! We've had to sell Mum's home to pay for her care home fees, and all the things other posters have said ring true. I've said many times to my sister "It's as if Mum has died but she hasn't", when we were bagging things up. Sis very pragmatic, let's just make three piles, keep, charity shop or tip. Me a soggy mess over little cards and ornaments mum had cherished. All cleared now, with stuff in my garage or loft that I really can't let go of yet. And yes, I can truly say I will be glad when Mum can finally join Dad up there, and be free from this God awful disease!

 

[scared daughter]

I have to completely agree, having to clear out mums home and then go see her is horrific, it is all part of the grieving we have to do whilst loosing our loved one to dementia.

I kept the oddest things too, the things mum used all the time, things of no value to anyone else - those are the real treasures - all those lovely memories. xx

 

[KazzyF]

It's so hard, you're not being silly. When I cleared mums flat I found my brothers (necessary due to time constraints) matter of fact - keep, charity, tip attitude upsetting at times.
Well done on doing a hard job x

Hi. I know how you feel. I found it hard to clear the house. My nephews "helped". Well they took what they fancied. I was especially hurt by the casual attitude, one of them doesn't even visit my mum in the CH!!!


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[KazzyF]

Some very touching stories. I didn't get the chance to go through mum's things as my brother lived with her and cleared everything without offering anything to me.

That's awful jess people can be heartless. Sorry but sometimes I think that men don't get it!!


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