Cannot get help or diagnosis

[gentiandaisy]

My husband is 75 years old
For quite some time he has been very forgetful, not getting washed and dressed till late in day (which is not usual)
Is up and down ALL night.
And is very aggressive towards me becoming violent on occasions.

Two years ago person came to house and did "test" Who is Prime minister etc and apparently scored 28 out of 30!!! And went away.
I felt this was not helpful
My daughter asked him to go to Doctor and she will go with him but he refuses as he says nothing wrong with him .
Myself and daughters have tried speaking to Doctor who says cannot do anything unless he asks and seems reluctant to discuss Dementure.

Things are so bad we are actually living separately in our home

Forever accusing me of taking his things
Talking about him
He buys endless amounts if food
If I go out and gone for more than an hour he is phoning my daughter saying if I don't get home he is phoning police.
Has locked me out of house on several occasions.
Following outbursts behaves as if nothing happened.

Police are aware of situation because of incidents.
Most recently calling the police out last week.
Following which because he had threatened me they said one if us must leave before they left. Husband refused to go, so I took my little dog and spent the day roaming about.

Police phoned later that evening to say he had lodged a complaint against officer, because she had said if they were called out again on day, they would remove "someone from property"

Next day as if nothing happened.

I am absolutely at my wits end.

Would appreciate any help or advice

 

[pamann]

So sorry you are having problems my heart goes out to you, it is not easy getting your husband to go to the Dr l had the same problem, l got my Dr. to write to him saying you are due for a health check up, l went with him she did a memory test which was very poor, she thought it was the start of Altzhiemers he was diagnosed 1yr later, she told me to ring the police if l feel threatened , you must go and see your Dr. If he is a thret to you They may be able to section him, l am sure you will get some more advice from other members of this wonderful forum you will have plenty of support take care

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[Grannie G]

Hello gentiandaisy

Yes you must see your doctor by yourself. If possible make a short diary of behaviours and events so the doctor can see the frequency and severity.

That 28 out of 30 score does not always show the whole picture and I would imaging the score will be lower two years later.

You cannot continue to manage this behaviour without help. You have to ask though and tell it as it in.

 

[BR_ANA]

Protect yourself. Have a room with bolt on door and a telephone to ask help.

 

[gentiandaisy]

Yes you must see your doctor by yourself. If possible make a short diary of behaviours and events so the doctor can see the frequency and severity.

That 28 out of 30 score does not always show the whole picture and I would imaging the score will be lower two years later.

You cannot continue to manage this behaviour without help. You have to ask though and tell it as it in.

Thank you for your advice

 

[gentiandaisy]

Yes you must see your doctor by yourself. If possible make a short diary of behaviours and events so the doctor can see the frequency and severity.

That 28 out of 30 score does not always show the whole picture and I would imaging the score will be lower two years later.

You cannot continue to manage this behaviour without help. You have to ask though and tell it as it in.

Thank you for your advice.
I do keep a diary of events and have given a list of the very strange behaviour and events to his Doctor.
Police have advised that when my husband is being very angry and violent I should ring them and that they then can then depending on what happens police doctor may be able to make a recommendation.

 

[chick1962]

My husband has score of 27 and on a bad day 15! They go up and down all the time but 30 is borderline for dementia. You must see a doc or mental Heath team as medication can help a lot. Hope all goes well


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[chick1962]

Ps he was diagnosed 3 years ago


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[optocarol]

If you're talking about the MMSE, it's scored out of 30, the borderline score is 25 i.e. that's what would start to cause concern. From what I've read, other longer tests are considerably more reliable e.g. ACE-R or ADAS.

 

[lu]

You certainly have my prayers....this really is a difficult thing for you to handle without some cooperation from you husband. You need to get him to a doctor for medication that can quiet him and help him. They just lose their reasoning power. My husband has a twilight problem and thus has really bad nights. Upon discussing these crazy things he does, the next morning he actually cannot remember doing them. So sad they have to experience that. He really needs help to quiet his anxiety so he will be more cooperative. Beyond that, I have nothing to suggest. Take care of yourself too, which is imperative. You sure have a challenge and I hope the next time we hear from you things will be so much better.

 

[gentiandaisy]

You certainly have my prayers....this really is a difficult thing for you to handle without some cooperation from you husband. You need to get him to a doctor for medication that can quiet him and help him. They just lose their reasoning power. My husband has a twilight problem and thus has really bad nights. Upon discussing these crazy things he does, the next morning he actually cannot remember doing them. So sad they have to experience that. He really needs help to quiet his anxiety so he will be more cooperative. Beyond that, I have nothing to suggest. Take care of yourself too, which is imperative. You sure have a challenge and I hope the next time we hear from you things will be so much better.

Thank you for your help and advice it helps to know that I am not going mad.
I have had another really bad few days, where he is accusing me of carrying on and threatening to kill me. When what I was actually doing was taking my little dog to dog training.
I have an appointment with a police lady who was very helpful following
another by nasty incident and she is hoping to try and get a referral.

 

[Dagne]

Just thinking laterally here, you can go to Social Services and ask for a carer's assessment. The absence of a diagnosis does not mean you are not a carer! You should describe the behaviours on the worst days, and clearly spell out the impact on your own health of the fears for your safety. No guarantee that this will spur them into action, but it's one more agency you are involving. You could also go to your own GP and again, spell out your fears for your safety, and give an honest account of the impact this anxiety has on you.

How would he cope if you were to go away on holiday? If the answer is that he couldn't cope without you, then you could make the case that you need respite and Social Services have to make arrangements. If you think he can cope without you, then maybe you should take a break - even if only staying with a friend or relative for a few days - to give yourself a needed break, and the energy to battle the bureaucracy.

 

[gentiandaisy]

Frontotemporal Dementure

My husband has Frontotemporal Dementure And other health problems.

I joined site for information and advice
Our surgery are very good and the Alzheimers society courses have been very informative.

The community mental health nurse is very good and visits regularly and each time he visits he says there is marked deterioration.

Community matron referred John to Marie Curie for daycare which he has been accepted and will hopefully be well enough to attend one day a week for limited period.
Which I will be very grateful for as I cannot go out without someone being with John.

While I have the usual information which is useful, some days I just want to run away and then feel guilty.

 

[LadyA]

Hello again, Gentiandaisy! So, your husband has finally been diagnosed?
How have you been managing the last couple of years? I'm so glad that you and your husband have gotten help, and I do hope the Day Centre works out well. If that's for a limited period, maybe you could look around and see if there's another Day Centre that he could go to eventually? A regular break would be good for both of you.

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[AlsoConfused]

some days I just want to run away and then feel guilty

You've no reason to feel guilty about wanting to run away. You should feel very proud of yourself that so far you've somehow found within yourself the courage and love to stay. All I'd say now is PLEASE remember your safety and well-being at important too - don't allow yourself to be pushed too far into "tiger country".

 

[Maggiemol]

I really, really feel for you as I can relate to your situation. My husband had memory problems for many years and then suddenly in February he started to become suspicious of me, not knowing who I was and calling the police and neighbours because he thought I was trying to trick him out of the house. He also was adamant there was nothing wrong with him andit was me who had mental problems. Because he was determined I had problems I gave him the number of our doctors surgery and he called them.
They then realised what the situation was. It was agreed with our doctor that we would make contact through email, as I wasn't in a position to have a conversation on the phone with any external organisation. As a result it was agreed that the doctor would 'set up' a meeting for us with him and a member of the community mental health team. I just had to get my husband to the doctor's surgery which I did by telling him it was a medical review. (My husband has a few medical conditions).
The upshot was he was placed on Resperidone which helped some of his delusional symptoms. A week or so later I was able to get him to the memory clinic where he has been diagnosed with moderate to severe Alzheimers.
Life is still not easy but at least he is not having such agitated episodes. I hope you will be able to sort something soon.

 

[LadyA]

I really, really feel for you as I can relate to your situation. My husband had memory problems for many years and then suddenly in February he started to become suspicious of me, not knowing who I was and calling the police and neighbours because he thought I was trying to trick him out of the house. He also was adamant there was nothing wrong with him andit was me who had mental problems. Because he was determined I had problems I gave him the number of our doctors surgery and he called them.
They then realised what the situation was. It was agreed with our doctor that we would make contact through email, as I wasn't in a position to have a conversation on the phone with any external organisation. As a result it was agreed that the doctor would 'set up' a meeting for us with him and a member of the community mental health team. I just had to get my husband to the doctor's surgery which I did by telling him it was a medical review. (My husband has a few medical conditions).
The upshot was he was placed on Resperidone which helped some of his delusional symptoms. A week or so later I was able to get him to the memory clinic where he has been diagnosed with moderate to severe Alzheimers.
Life is still not easy but at least he is not having such agitated episodes. I hope you will be able to sort something soon.

Glad you were able to get some help for both of you. The GP sounds excellent, and obviously is well experienced in dealing with dementia, which is great, because not all of them are. My husband was also on risperidone, for several years, and it was a great help to him too.

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[Everton Annie]

I read posts every night and some nights I think myself lucky and others I realise how narrow my life has become. My husband is 67 diagnosed 2 years ago, although I can track changes back to 2010. In January he was experiencing paranoid delusions and following intervention from the crisis team he was also put on risperidone and memantine alongside the donepezil and mirtazapine he was already taking. Over the last 3 weeks he has been exceptionally sleepy for example sleeping 10 hours at night then 3 hours in the morning and sometimes another 2 in the afternoon. Some nights he is awake much of the night so I expect him to sleep in the day but he doesn't. On balance I would say he sleeps 12-13 hours a day. Blood tests show he is low in vit D and is taking supplements. Reading info on risperidone it says can cause people to sleep excessively. Also talks about changes to the way people walk i.e. stiff shuffling gait with unusual arm movements. My son commented tonight that his dad walks like an emperor penguin! Has anyone else experienced this when their pwd is on risperidone? He is on the lowest dose 0.5mg. Have asked for a review but worried that the paranoia will return if he comes of it. Sorry long post. I do find TP really helpful.

 

[LadyA]

Mention what you've noticed to your husband's doctor. Maybe there's something else they could try instead. My husband was lucky, he never had any side effects from the risperidone, and he was on 1.5mg per day, which is a high dose for an elderly person with dementia.

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[Everton Annie]

Thank you Lady A. CPN says medication not likely to be the cause so to monitor how he is. He's going into respite next week as our eldest son is getting married and I can't risk him coming. So very sad, I really do hate this disease. So I will see how he he is when he comes home.

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