Just lately I feel as though I’ve been drifting even further away from the reality of life, it’s as though I’m falling deeper and for longer into the dementia abyss each day. Now when I wake up at 4m every morning I instantly feel lost and extremely bewildered and thoughts start to bombard my brain such as, where am I, why am I here in Indonesia, what are we doing today, who are all these people around me... and then the normal daily dementia questions to my dear wife Sumi of, what day is it, what’s the time, have I had breakfast yet, did you give me my tablets, did I have nightmares again last night as I have no idea?
As the days and weeks progress I feel as though I’m become even more confused and by midday I seem to be in a world of my own without any knowledge of what’s going on around me and no recollection of what’s been said to me during the morning, and even if I do recall some conversations I then think that they were conversations of long ago, memories of my past keep pounding in my brain and all getting entwined with long-term and short-term memories but I can’t define which is which... and then as my day reaches early afternoon I start to feel the diminishing of the sun towards the horizon and the influence of Sundowning starts to take hold of my mind and body even more powerfully now making me sink even further into the dementia abyss and every sound around me becomes a warped anguishing noise and all I want to do is to hide away (out of sight and out of sounds)
To say that after over nine years that each day is now becoming an even mightier battle of wills between me and the illness would be a major understatement as my mind and body just wants to immediately give up and go to sleep so that I can get away from the bewilderment of the whole day “YET” from somewhere deep, deep down inside of me there’s a continua’s echoing voice saying (Don’t give up, Don’t give in... Keep fighting) which I’m doing my best to accomplish.
As the days and weeks progress I feel as though I’m become even more confused and by midday I seem to be in a world of my own without any knowledge of what’s going on around me and no recollection of what’s been said to me during the morning, and even if I do recall some conversations I then think that they were conversations of long ago, memories of my past keep pounding in my brain and all getting entwined with long-term and short-term memories but I can’t define which is which... and then as my day reaches early afternoon I start to feel the diminishing of the sun towards the horizon and the influence of Sundowning starts to take hold of my mind and body even more powerfully now making me sink even further into the dementia abyss and every sound around me becomes a warped anguishing noise and all I want to do is to hide away (out of sight and out of sounds)
To say that after over nine years that each day is now becoming an even mightier battle of wills between me and the illness would be a major understatement as my mind and body just wants to immediately give up and go to sleep so that I can get away from the bewilderment of the whole day “YET” from somewhere deep, deep down inside of me there’s a continua’s echoing voice saying (Don’t give up, Don’t give in... Keep fighting) which I’m doing my best to accomplish.
