Brian now in care home

[Lilibet1]

Just an update re Brian. After spending 2 weeks in hospital with a chest infection and pneumonia it was decided by the social worker Doctor and nurse from the hospital that Brian now needs 24 hour care and the only way was a CH. Well after lots of worries over finance etc i found a CH. By goodness they are not cheap!! good job we can afford to self fund for a while but after approx 10 weeks the LA have said that they should be able to take over his payments (i worry about this but have been reassured by the CH that all will be well)
Anyway Brian has settled in so well to the CH. They are great and ring me to reassure me that all is well with him. I'm really pleased but i miss him so much, even when he was at his worst i still can't really believe that he's no longer at home but has a new life somewhere else.
I feel as if i'm bereaved but of course i'm not. It's a really horrible place to be. I want him back but know that it can never be.
I feel as if this has all happened so quickly. I HATE this disease and what it does to the person but also what it does to those who love them.

 

[clareglen]

Didn't want to read & run. You are bereaved. We all are. It's a long, slow bereavement. I think we'll be surprised how much greaving we've all done when it actually happens.

 

[Izzy]

I'm so glad you are happy with the care home and that Brian seems to have settled. That must be a comfort to you.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app

 

[garnuft]

I'm glad too that you are happy with the care your Brian is having.

You must feel stunned at the change in your lives.

It is a dreadful disease, it robs the person of themselves, like an alien invader and leaves us who love them floating in the middle of giant ocean with no sight of land.

Loads of support, empathy and sympathy and remember we are all here, whatever time of the day or night, there will be someone who listens and knows. xxx

 

[Scarlett123]

The very fact that you are happy with Brian's standard of care, must be a huge relief, and so important to you. We are all midows, neither married or widowed, and are in mourning for the strong, happy and lovely spouses we had, only to be left with a shell of that person.

I hope you can take full advantage of your new situation, and get some much-needed rest. Take care.

 

[LYN T]

Lilibet -I'm so glad that Brian is settled and you are happy with the CH,

I understand how you feel; I feel as though I have been grieving for many years-it's a nagging pain in my heart which won't go away.I've kind of got used to it now but I often think that if P had actually passed away I could have started to 'rebuild' my life to some extent. Selfish I know.

You will get used to Brian being in a CH and you will have a new routine with visits etc. I missed P's presence in our home even though he was no longer the person I met all those years ago. I was at a loss, and still am in some ways, but I can't change what;s happened-even though I sometimes dream that I can.

Take care and try to catch up on your sleep

Lyn T

 

[60's child]

Dear Lilibet
It must be so hard for you but lovely that Brian has settled in well. Hopefully you will now get some rest and be able to enjoy quality time with him, when you are not so exhausted.

 

[sunray]

I found after a few months of Ray being in the nursing home I got into a new routine. I felt as if I had two homes, one where I slept and had breakfast and one where I relaxed with Ray for morning tea and lunch. I stayed with him while he was alert and then when he had got ready for his afternoon nap I came home here and went on with the day.

With only a 20 minute drive in between it was not that hard to visit most days. Some days were better than others of course, rainy days when he wanted to go outside and couldn't were difficult and then later the days when he was kept in bed for various reasons. Make the most of the good days when you can.

Sue.

 

[Lilibet1]

Thank you to everyone for your comments. Brian is settled and i visited for the first time today. On seeing me he said "what are you doing here" which just goes to show how happy he is.
I must say the CH is lovely and so far all the staff that i have met have been really nice and kind. I just really miss him even just having him in the house. I make myself remember some of the bad days and nights just so that i can make sense of why he's in there.
I think the staff all get on so well with him as only being 63 he's quite a novelty as most of the other residents are in their 80's.
So thanks again for your thoughts. xx