I have registered with this forum in the hope that I can meet with people who are trying to cope with a relative with Alzheimer's.
My mum has just been diagnosed; although it has been apparent for some time that this only needed confirmation. This is a very difficult thing to cope with, as I am sure many of you are also experiencing - you just wish you could just make everything right again. My mum and I have never really experienced a mother/daughter relationship, I was the oldest and had two brothers who were far more dependent on her - so bit of a black sheep really as I went out into the world and did my own thing. My mums life has never been easy on an emotional level and I think she enjoyed the dependency of my brothers; sadly the youngest died a few years ago as the result of an accident aged 22.
My other brother now lives several miles away and is not a regular visitor, so I have been trying to manage this myself but I am finding this increasingly difficult. To make matters worse her husband (my stepfather) has been in hospital for the past 6 weeks and it looks unlikely that he will be going home as my mum is basically not fit to look after him.
My mum now has a case worker through the community mental health team and hopefully this is going to help a little. I was able to visit her twice a week, as she lives about an hour away but I have just started a new job, which is not only demanding but needed after being made redundant about a year ago - so this has been reduced to one day. The guilt I feel is unbelievable but I can't spend any more time with her and after the time that I do I am emotionally and physically shattered.
I say that my mum now has a case worker; she actually has had for just over a month - it is just that things are starting to move on a little now. I have been trying to get someone to spend some time with her (they mentioned that this was a service they offered) and get her into day care (which they thought she needed as she had no mental stimulation at all) - and I'm still waiting for something to actually happen! I have a meeting with the case worker tomorrow as I eventually expressed my anger - I was continually being told that she needed socialisation and stimulation and what the service could offer - what has actually happened is that apart from the time I have spent with her she has basically seen no-one else!
There is also a problem in that she will not move out of her house - its hers, paid for and she's not going anywhere! Life would be so much simpler if we could move her into sheltered housing, she would be probably be much safer - and her husband would probably be able to get home (the layout of their house is not particularly suited to a person who is not steady on their feet/needs a zimmer, as he does) - but stubbornness prevails - I do however fully understand her need for familiarity/security and why she would not want to move out of the house.
I hope I have not come across as a moaning Minnie in this, my first post! I am just finding it a little difficult to cope just right now and I thought if I included some of the background I'd be providing a more rounded picture.
I would appreciate hearing from anyone. Thanks for reading my post. Take care.
Tig
My mum has just been diagnosed; although it has been apparent for some time that this only needed confirmation. This is a very difficult thing to cope with, as I am sure many of you are also experiencing - you just wish you could just make everything right again. My mum and I have never really experienced a mother/daughter relationship, I was the oldest and had two brothers who were far more dependent on her - so bit of a black sheep really as I went out into the world and did my own thing. My mums life has never been easy on an emotional level and I think she enjoyed the dependency of my brothers; sadly the youngest died a few years ago as the result of an accident aged 22.
My other brother now lives several miles away and is not a regular visitor, so I have been trying to manage this myself but I am finding this increasingly difficult. To make matters worse her husband (my stepfather) has been in hospital for the past 6 weeks and it looks unlikely that he will be going home as my mum is basically not fit to look after him.
My mum now has a case worker through the community mental health team and hopefully this is going to help a little. I was able to visit her twice a week, as she lives about an hour away but I have just started a new job, which is not only demanding but needed after being made redundant about a year ago - so this has been reduced to one day. The guilt I feel is unbelievable but I can't spend any more time with her and after the time that I do I am emotionally and physically shattered.
I say that my mum now has a case worker; she actually has had for just over a month - it is just that things are starting to move on a little now. I have been trying to get someone to spend some time with her (they mentioned that this was a service they offered) and get her into day care (which they thought she needed as she had no mental stimulation at all) - and I'm still waiting for something to actually happen! I have a meeting with the case worker tomorrow as I eventually expressed my anger - I was continually being told that she needed socialisation and stimulation and what the service could offer - what has actually happened is that apart from the time I have spent with her she has basically seen no-one else!
There is also a problem in that she will not move out of her house - its hers, paid for and she's not going anywhere! Life would be so much simpler if we could move her into sheltered housing, she would be probably be much safer - and her husband would probably be able to get home (the layout of their house is not particularly suited to a person who is not steady on their feet/needs a zimmer, as he does) - but stubbornness prevails - I do however fully understand her need for familiarity/security and why she would not want to move out of the house.
I hope I have not come across as a moaning Minnie in this, my first post! I am just finding it a little difficult to cope just right now and I thought if I included some of the background I'd be providing a more rounded picture.
I would appreciate hearing from anyone. Thanks for reading my post. Take care.
Tig