dont know what to do

[ollie pots]

hi to you all,i havent been on line for such a long time,as my hubby asnt been to good,he been going a day centre twice a week and its closing down,we have been to look at another one it was a lovely place.but when we got back home he said he didnt want to go and he was crying and saying to me he will be a good boy and as he will do as he told,it does upset me when he is like that i just dont know what i am going to do to get him go there,as any body out there can help me to get him to go.some days he says he will gothen later on he says he doesnt want to go,im just at my wits end olli pots

 

[Dazmum]

I am sorry Ollie, it must be so very hard for you. Would it help if you said you would go with him? You could do that for the first time just to hold his hand while he settled and then he might be better to go on his own next time? If you made it sound like a day out for you both he might feel better about going? Just an idea x

 

[Dazmum]

Bumping this for you Ollie, hopefully others will have some good ideas x

 

[petromany]

Hi. my huubby was exactly the same, so I changed tactics and called it a "Club" and he should try it. Well I didn't think it would happen, but the staff were so great that he settled quite quickly, and amazingly wanted to go back all the time (said he was bored at home) He had one to one attention and he was so much nicer to them than he was to me. Staff were absolutely marvellous, and when my hubby went into a Nursing Home 6 weeks ago, they supported me and came with me to settle him in. Cant praise them enough. Its worth giving it a try might work. Take care.

 

[rajahh]

My husband was always reluctant to go, and I never knew if he would go until the transport actually left our house with him on board.

I used totellhim he was doing it to helpme, I told him it was something he could do forme,as i needed the time off a nd that icould not go out and leave him alone as I would worry

 

[hokeycokey]

I call it Lunch Club as I think it sounds a bit moor fun

Sent from my A1-811 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Feline]

hi to you all,i havent been on line for such a long time,as my hubby asnt been to good,he been going a day centre twice a week and its closing down,we have been to look at another one it was a lovely place.but when we got back home he said he didnt want to go and he was crying and saying to me he will be a good boy and as he will do as he told,it does upset me when he is like that i just dont know what i am going to do to get him go there,as any body out there can help me to get him to go.some days he says he will gothen later on he says he doesnt want to go,im just at my wits end olli pots

Would he go if you said the two of you could go together, just for the first time maybe.

 

[small]

Hi, before John would agree to go to Daycare, the Manageress came out to our home and charmed the pants off him! She also referred to it as a club and certainly, the staff ran it as a club with special meals and events, trips to local shops, manicure sessions etc.
I could never praise them high enough, plus I saw for myself that all the regulars lit up while they were there, even though I knew from their spouses that it was a constant struggle to get them there! The comparison with children and nurseries was repeated by many of the other carers.I have to admit that the original agreement from John to even consider Daycare came before his return home from his first period in respite care.......
I would just try whatever works because he will settle there, and you need the break and he needs the extra stimulation that Daycare will provide.

Best of luck
Jackie

 

[pippop1]

You could name an activity that he hates (clothes shopping?) that you will be doing while he is gone.

I know we shouldn't compare, but I used to tell my son that I was doing ironing while he was at nursery as he thought he was missing out so that was the reason he didn't want to go.

 

[jawuk]

choice options

Your comment made me smile Pippop - for many years I used to ask my husband his preference between driving 90 minutes each way to look at kitchens at Ikea, to come to town with me to have a good long look around for a new outfit, or would he prefer I went alone while he watched TV. I got some really nice clothes that way <gg>

Sadly now he can neither be left for even a few minutes and nor can (or would he) walk even between shops let alone look around town. He's a living embodiment of that old TV advertisement where the man says that he doesn't mind what he and his wife do as long as they do it together although in our case the options are drastically limited to the house and my husband has stopped virtually all activities. It's a good day when he pulls his own trousers up.

 

[mpwhitford]

hi to you all,i havent been on line for such a long time,as my hubby asnt been to good,he been going a day centre twice a week and its closing down,we have been to look at another one it was a lovely place.but when we got back home he said he didnt want to go and he was crying and saying to me he will be a good boy and as he will do as he told,it does upset me when he is like that i just dont know what i am going to do to get him go there,as any body out there can help me to get him to go.some days he says he will gothen later on he says he doesnt want to go,im just at my wits end olli pots

I was in the same spot last year when I wanted my husband to go to adult day care. He didn't want to go. Refused to go in fact. Finally I tried talking to him and telling him from MY view point why I wanted him to go. I explained that I take care of him and if I didn't get some time to myself I wasn't going to be able to care for him. Basically I said it was really all about me. then I told him there were people there like him and he could talk to them and do things rather than sit at home all day and do nothing.

He did agree to go and he did love going 2 times a week. He has since progressed much further in the disease and is no longer able to go. Hope that helps

 

[ollie pots]

thanks to everyone

well i havent been on for a long while,but i would like to thank everybody for there messages,as made me feel a lot better im still waiting for the other day centre to take my hubby,but where he went for acessment they are keeping him on one day a week to help me out.it is so nice to here that i am not on my own,it is so sad to see how he as gone i cant belive how down bank he has gone,he seems to sleep a lot but some times i am glad when he asleep i can do what i want instead of being at is beck and call,it seems as though he cant do much,he always did breakfast but he doesnt do that anymore.and when he asleep he will sing or fling his arms about,but he like a leach he always want to be with me,i dont go anywhere unless he with me,please dont think ill of me i love him as much as when we got married but i would like to do my own thing sometimes.well thats my peace as as broken my hubby as woke up.thank you all once again i dont know what i would do without this site.