Thank you all, truly, for your suggestions. But they won't work
.
Dad is a lovely, loyal, wonderful man. You couldn't meet a better man if you searched the whole world over. He is also incredibly stubborn - in the nicest possible way.
When mam was in respite a couple of weeks ago, and he was ill with vertigo, I gently suggested that mam stay in respite at least one more night until he felt better. He said no, and I had to go and bring her home. If I had refused, he would have gone himself, and he really wasn't well enough to drive.
Believe me, I've tried all the approaches mentioned, to no avail. Dad nods and says yes, I know what you mean, I understand; and then carries on as normal. It's frustrating but I do understand. He loves her.
Mam becomes a lost soul when in respite and dad can't bear to see it. So the regime that we have is probably the best it's ever going to be. It's a very good regime, actually - overnight respite in a nursing home every Monday morning until Tuesday evening, then daycare in the same nursing home every Friday. I know many people would love to have this sort of support, and we're grateful for it.
Hey ho. Perhaps I just need to stop moaning. Sorry folks.