“I’m annoyed”

[Eleonora]

Thank you.

Barry, Thank you!
You have enabled me to have a glimpse behind the , 'iron curtain' of my husband's almost closed mind.
I am his , 'dear wife', trying to understand his unexpressed feelings now that he is struggling with Alzheimer's.
He used to be the chief copy writer in a big London Advertising Agency; and we used to joke that they were happy to pay him five pounds a word when he wrote his prizewinning ads for fast cars, dog food and motor bikes.
How it breaks my heart to find him struggling to find the correct word for, 'watch' or , 'razor'. And to see the pain in his eyes when he can't remember our daughter's name.
You have helped me to understand a little of what is happening, 'inside' - and for that I thank you.

 

[Gerita]

Barry, I found your most articulate description of the frustration with your illness incredibly moving and it brought tears to my eyes. My husband too suffers from this cruel disease which I too hate with a vengeance for what it is doing to him, changing his personality and turning him from a most active man with a wanderlust to one who no longer has any interest in his painting, his model railway and even in truly following his once beloved football team. Your description has made me sit up and take note of the fact that when I occasionally become impatient with him, I should remind myself that his brain is receiving all sorts of confused messages about everyday matters. Why can't 'they' find a cure for this horrendous illness which takes such an enormous toll on the sufferer and their loved ones. Thanks again Barry - clearly you are a brilliant example for every one of us here.

 

[cjr5555]

Thank You!

Wow so many fantastic words of support so it’s difficult for me to name everyone of you individually but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, True some days are great but as Tony said maybe I’m just having a few bad days which hopefully will pass by, in-fact it helps just to have put things down onto paper and get it off my chest and not only that as I’m sure there’s many other people who have some type of dementia that eel the same way but maybe due to the illness have a problem of expressing it...

God bless each and every one of you
Barry

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart! Your post helped me to understand what my mom must be going through. I'm going to print your words and hang them up where I can see them so that I remember to always be patient with her struggles. She has been so angry, and now I understand a little better. I will also share your words with my step-dad. This disease has been hard on both of them and a lot of times he gets impatient and just wants her to be back to normal I think. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

[blandford516]

Thank you Barry so much . My mum has Dementia and is in a care home but she gets angry and very frustrated because she cannot express or tell us how she feels . Now I understand why she is angry some days .You have given others a real insight into how the dementia suffer is feeling and will help me to understand this awful illness more and be more patient and understanding in future . I am going to print it off to show my sister and together we will understand so much more .Wishing you all the best and keep posting very interesting to many x

 

[itsmeagain]

Excellent initial post here Barry. Truly great. So enlightening to see it from a "sufferer"'s viewpoint, first hand, it is great how you can express yourself. More power to you sir. Best wishes.

 

[Barry]

My dear friends I am rather overwhelmed by all you incredibly kind remarks which make me feel very humble, but I am very pleased that my few words have seemed to hit the spot ‘so to speak’ with so many of you, it was strange as I was having an off-day when I wrote that ‘yet’ the words and thoughts just seemed to flow, such can be the ambiguity within this terrible illness!

Again thank you all for the kind remarks

Barry

 

[Starshine]

Releived.....

[Barry forgive me as a stranger for responding to your rant....I just wanted to say I am soooo pleased that you are not giving up! I was first on TP some years ago and find myself yet again finding support and insight. And right from the start you totally inspired me with your positiveness, purpose, and helpful responses. I am so happy to see that you are still not giving up and continuing to show others the way.

 

[penquins waddle]

well done you hope there is more to come pam xx

I’m disturbed by the constant horrific nightmares night after night,

I’m maddened at the constant unyielding bewilderments day after day,

I’m frustrated at the complete unawareness of my illness around me,

I’m annoyed at people staring at me when we go out shopping,

I’m infuriated at the difficulty I have walking that makes me drag my feet as though I were wearing concrete boots,

I’m frustrated at not having a scrap of ‘On the spot’ support for my dear wife and myself,

I’m exasperated at people not letting me finish a sentence when specking and then trying to finish it for me,

I’m aggravated at not always being able to comprehend what people say to me,

I’m irritated by other people that keep interrupting when I’m speaking or typing so that I forget what I was talking about or typing,

I’m wound up at my body constantly shaking like a leaf,

I’m frustrated at no sooner has my dear wife told me something than I’ve forgotten what she said,

I’m annoyed at other people saying to my dear wife (What’s wrong with Barry! He looks alright to me!) but they can’t see or feel the daily confusions in my brain,

I’m wound up at my dear wife having to constantly explain about my illness to our neighbours and other people,

I’m frustrated at not being able to eat my food properly with a knife and fork,

I’m infuriated at not being able to go out alone,

I’m aggravated at looking outside the house at our new car but now can’t drive it,

I’m exasperated at my lose of attentiveness and concentration when trying to type at the computer,

I’m depressed at my lost ability to communicate coherently without stammering,

I’m furious at my absent-mindedness of people I once knew,

I’m angry at my condition and my personality changing more than the weather,

I’m incensed at the illness constantly warmongering upon my daily intent,

I’m annoyed at the constant noise around me and then causing affray in my brain,

I’m feed-up at having to take medications 3 times a day and day after day,

I’m frustrated that the romance part of my manhood has disappeared and yet I can still feel the inner emotions and desires that no longer respond,

I’m up-set at looking at the deep anguish in my darling wife’s eyes all the time and seeing her cry as she knows not what our future together holds,

And I’m annoyed at this illness taking my once fruitful life away from me...

“BUT” as of yet, I’m not giving up on life...

Barry ©

 

[penquins waddle]

well done barry pat on the back its a great deal of info to us carers be proud and keep active thinking of you xx pam

 

[Barry]

Very many thanks for your kind supportive comments (Starshine) and to the rest of as I am pleased that this has been so helpful to others

 

[blandford516]

Hi Barry ,

How are doing how are you feeling ? speak to us we are all waiting to hear how you are these days . You helped us to understand this awful illness better , so just to let you know we are all here for you too . x

 

[Barry]

Thank you for your very kind comments (Blandford516) Yes I am OK although have been very busy for the past month or so as I’m in the process of writing a new Bakery recipe book, plus having to make all the products and then do the photography which I am doing all by myself.

But I do still come onto TP every day and try to keep in touch with what’s happening and do make some Replies...

Again thank you for your thoughts
Barry

 

[wilderness]

I’m disturbed by the constant horrific nightmares night after night,

I’m maddened at the constant unyielding bewilderments day after day,

I’m frustrated at the complete unawareness of my illness around me,

I’m annoyed at people staring at me when we go out shopping,

I’m infuriated at the difficulty I have walking that makes me drag my feet as though I were wearing concrete boots,

I’m frustrated at not having a scrap of ‘On the spot’ support for my dear wife and myself,

I’m exasperated at people not letting me finish a sentence when specking and then trying to finish it for me,

I’m aggravated at not always being able to comprehend what people say to me,

I’m irritated by other people that keep interrupting when I’m speaking or typing so that I forget what I was talking about or typing,

I’m wound up at my body constantly shaking like a leaf,

I’m frustrated at no sooner has my dear wife told me something than I’ve forgotten what she said,

I’m annoyed at other people saying to my dear wife (What’s wrong with Barry! He looks alright to me!) but they can’t see or feel the daily confusions in my brain,

I’m wound up at my dear wife having to constantly explain about my illness to our neighbours and other people,

I’m frustrated at not being able to eat my food properly with a knife and fork,

I’m infuriated at not being able to go out alone,

I’m aggravated at looking outside the house at our new car but now can’t drive it,

I’m exasperated at my lose of attentiveness and concentration when trying to type at the computer,

I’m depressed at my lost ability to communicate coherently without stammering,

I’m furious at my absent-mindedness of people I once knew,

I’m angry at my condition and my personality changing more than the weather,

I’m incensed at the illness constantly warmongering upon my daily intent,

I’m annoyed at the constant noise around me and then causing affray in my brain,

I’m feed-up at having to take medications 3 times a day and day after day,

I’m frustrated that the romance part of my manhood has disappeared and yet I can still feel the inner emotions and desires that no longer respond,

I’m up-set at looking at the deep anguish in my darling wife’s eyes all the time and seeing her cry as she knows not what our future together holds,

And I’m annoyed at this illness taking my once fruitful life away from me...

“BUT” as of yet, I’m not giving up on life...

Barry ©

Hi Barry can I please post your post to my facebook page to help others understand the frustration you feel as I'm sure it will help those looking after relatives and friends x

 

[Barry]

Hi (Wilderness) no problem please feel free to post this on your Facebook page

 

[blandford516]

Hi Barry,

Glad you are busy and perhaps we could have a recipe of yours ,sounds like hard work doing it all yourself photos etc .You sound a very positive and determined man keep it up and wishing you all the best x