To artificially rehydrate...or not?

[Witzend]

Thank you. I had not considered that the GP was perhaps doing it by the book and protecting himself. I can see this might be the case.

In discussions with the nursing sisters at the home they have pointed out many times, almost apologetically, that they have to offer mum food, or they would be failing in their duty of care. So small meals, biscuits, cups of tea etc etc are all placed next to mum and then taken away an hour later. Cold and untouched.

Offering is one thing, my aunt was offered, but I have seen a poor lady at my mother's care home being pestered and badgered to eat - albeit with the best of intentions and the carer is lovely - but the poor lady has lost all intelligible speech and just kept crying and whimpering and turning her head away. I know they see it as 'duty of care' but this poor lady is in an even worse state than my mother, which is saying something. If my mother ever gets to the stage of refusing food and drink, I will be very forceful in insisting on allowing her that choice, which is after all about the only one she has left.

 

[AHG]

Bedsores

Mum in a care home.
A syringe river inserted yesterday.
The staff insist on turning her every two hours to avoid bedsores.
If she was at home I would not be moving her at this stage.
Palliative care is a minefield still I think.

 

[FifiMo]

Hiya AHG,

Your mum should be on an air mattress to stop anyone having to move her. The CH should have them or if not then the District Nurses or GP can arrange for one to be provided as a matter of urgency.

On one hand they use a syringe driver to reduce or erode pain and agitation or distress then the humans come in every 2 hours and do just that! I'm sorry but it is wrong and so easily resolved.

Fiona

 

[Botanic]

Dad is at this point

Dad has been in Hospital now for 15 days. I can't fault the nurses. He is on a ward for the elderly which I guess helps. He went in with a UTI (how often do we hear that!), dehydration and an eratic heart rate.
We lost Mum late last year and he had a UTI in mid January. I went to look after him and after 2 weeks managed to pull him round but it was clear he couldn't manage by himself any more. He never wanted to be looked after by strangers so we brought him home to be with us but that was only for about a fortnight before the hospital stay.
Almost immediately his appetite has reduced away to nothing. He has been eating only a few spoonfuls a day and just sipping when he has any tablets. He doesn't want to be here anymore and while it's hard to take, it's something we have to come to terms with.
I suspect that they will speak to me today about taking him off the drip. He is perfectly comfortable and in no pain so that is a relief.

No doubt like many, I have scoured the internet for information and I think the most useful quote I found was:

"they are not dying because they are not eating or drinking, they are not eating or drinking because they are dying".

It is a natural process but it's hard because we are driven to nourish those we love. It feels cruel to 'with-hold' food and water when it seems so easy to give it, but certainly in my Dad's case, I now know it would be cruel to force it upon him.

Who knows how long he has left. All we can do is hold on to that time.

All the best to everyone coping with this sort of situation.

 

[nicoise]

Dear Botanic,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad's decline.

This is a very tough time to go through; many on here have been where you are now, and will be with you in spirit, sending you strength to cope, and peace and calm for your dad.

Keep in touch x