how often to visit

[annii1]

Is it better to carry on visiting mum at carehome twice weekly or go less, more? When we visit she says no one has come for ages but then will gradually remember previous visit. It does upset her to see us, and she is sad, agitated wanting to come home. Sometimes wonder if it's kinder to not visit for longer periods if mum forgets us in between?? Or should it be more??

 

[angecmc]

Hi, it is so hard to know what to do, I have tried doing less visits and every day visits, for my Mum it makes no difference what we do, she always greets us as though she hasn't seen us for years and unfortunately she still occasionally is in an agitated, angry state, wanting to come home. Personally if it was down to me, I would only visit my Mum once a week, but my Dad insists on going every other day and as I have to take him, I also see her that frequently too. If my Dad is unwell and can't go, I don't always visit as frequently, I usually phone the care home to make sure all is ok. I wish I could do this all the time as I find it very difficult, she doesn't usually know who I am and sometimes I feel she doesn't want me there. You must do what is best for you really xx

Ange

 

[janma221]

Hi it is a difficult situation. My mother doesn't really understand how long between visits so is quite laid back about our visits now. I used to get stressed out visiting her as we brought her up here to live nearer to us as she was wandering about at all hours of the night and the police were ringing me then I had to get up for work and ended up collapsing. So I feel guilty if I don't visit very often although we have never really got on that well. I am sorry your Mum gets upset but if depends how aware she is of time. Have a word with the staff there you may hear that she is quite contented in general and only thinks of going home when you visit. Sorry I can't advise you on how often to visit but perhaps try going a little less often and gauge her reaction.
Best wishes
Jan

 

[peppapug]

I am going through this just like you! My mum has 2 or 3 visitors a day but I believe this is too intense for me, my family and the extended family including my dad.

The sense of duty is unreal. Mum gets so distressed when we leave. Last week I got Dad not to go in at all for a day. I went in the morning and told her he was at a council meeting and would be there in the afternoon. He didn't go and the next day she was none the wiser.

I can't bear her feeling shes been abandoned. She seems fairly lucid in the morning but lucid is miserable and angry.

I have no idea how to make this situation better but I feel your pain x