Do both your parents have dementia?

[Linbrusco]

Mum 73 has mild/moderate AD.
Dad 76 , now that we know more about dementia & alzheimers we do wonder about?
I can recognise quite a few things symptom wise to Frontal Temporal dementia.

If you have both parents with Dementia and still at home, how do you cope?
How do your parents cope with one another?

I feel like a constant referee.

My sister & I are consulting our family GP shortly with concerns.

 

[CJinUSA]

My father died in 93 from vascular dementia. My mother has a bit of that now but her main diagnosis is Alzheimer's. I cannot even begin to imagine how we could have handled two at the same time. My father was uncontrollable, even with meds. He finally fell and produced such problems in his spine that he had to be hospitalized. He died in hospital after 9 days there.

Do have consultations on this situation. I don't think anyone could handle two in the same home and keep their own sanity.

 

[may39]

Its not easy having two parents at the same time with this . I speak from experience as it was a situation we found ourselves in a few years ago. My mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia one month and my dad with alzhiemers a month later. They remained at home together for quite a few years after diagnosis. They did argue a lot! We got dad in to a daycare centre though five days a week. when he returned from this he was so tired he often went straight to bed ! We also had two excellent carers who took it in turns to come in each evening and at weekends. They never changed and that helped so much. We used respite when things were worse than usual or we ( myself, sis or bruv ) would normally take dad to stay with us while things blew over. At the time it felt like the " aggressive stage " was never going to end but it did pass eventually. The time came for dad to go into a home in the end but he died a short while later . Mum still lives in her own house though, she seems easy to see to now as before as its just her . Try to get as much help as possible and family support if you can.
Best wishes Deb

 

[doodle1]

I have two at home. My mum has more advanced alzheimers than my dad but my dad has major heart problems as well as no short term memory -already been diagnosed as having Alzheimers /parkinsons. They do not get on even after 58 years together and it is a complete nightmare. I have just got full time live in care but trust me thati is not enough.Am desperate to persuade them to go into a home where they can be "together" but separate. My mother is occasionally violent to my dad but has also developed stress incontinence when my dad eventually loses his cool.Even the carers say unusual situation. I am an only.
Talk to the doctors as much as possible and involve ss. I wish you all the best on a very rocky road

 

[Sola12]

Both of my parents have dementia too. Dad was diagnosed in October 2010 and Mum a month later. We have struggled so much. Dad has AD and Vascular and Mum just AD. Dad started getting violent last summer and hitting my Mum, Mum ended up phoning the police. Social Work insisted that they couldn't do anything and the best thing was for my Dad to go into hospital and for us to refuse to allow him home. Then in September Dad had a minor heart attack with bleeding on the brain from one of his falls neither of which could be treated. We were told to expect the worst and that he wouldn't live for much longer. But he rallied and spent 6 weeks in a geriatric rehabilitation hospital before going into a Nursing Home in November, I now feel that Dad is 'parked' and I can let go of some of the responsibility and concentrate on my mother. She has Day Care and a music group, but has now started to ask if Dad is dead even though she's just visited him at the home. It's not been easy especially as I work I had to reduce my hours, but had a carers break down last summer and was off for 7 months. I must admit I was shocked by how little people understand about dementia. So glad that I found Talking Point, I don't feel so alone now. Not really much in the was of advice, it's a horrible situation to be in.

 

[CCC]

I've just typed a load of drivel on another topic. 2 parents with dementia is the worst possibe. There are no decisions which can be made which suit both. It is a killer for carers and help and any practical advice is almost non existent. You have a hard road ahead, I'm on that road and I think I will be the one to crack first.

 

[Bod]

Mum 73 has mild/moderate AD.
Dad 76 , now that we know more about dementia & alzheimers we do wonder about?
I can recognise quite a few things symptom wise to Frontal Temporal dementia.

If you have both parents with Dementia and still at home, how do you cope?
How do your parents cope with one another?

I feel like a constant referee.

My sister & I are consulting our family GP shortly with concerns.

We're there!
MiL 86 FiL 87, married 64 years. (FiL has heart failure as well!)
Yes your right, refereeing, always wrong for one or other.
We are both living with them full time now, 24/7 care for the cost meals, appreciated?
Do they heck.
We gave up our dream, of living on our narrow boat, to look after them, appreciated?
Do they heck.

Bod

 

[lauri365]

We're there!
MiL 86 FiL 87, married 64 years. (FiL has heart failure as well!)
Yes your right, refereeing, always wrong for one or other.
We are both living with them full time now, 24/7 care for the cost meals, appreciated?
Do they heck.
We gave up our dream, of living on our narrow boat, to look after them, appreciated?
Do they heck.

Bod

I have both of my parents (Mom and Step Dad) living in an assisted care home close to me. All other siblings live out of state, this has been the case for the last 15 mos. I am at a point where I am wanting to move both of them into my home as I feel they may do a "tad" better having me around 24/7 plus the ability to feel I can give them 100% while trying to juggle a career is proving impossible. My plan would be to put my career on hold while I care for them. At this point, there is no violent tempers but mainly forgetfulness and confusion. After reading comments, it seems some are feeling this would not work out. Any help/input is appreciated. I cannot juggle both a career and be there for them as I am the one they call constantly. My career is commission only and my lack of ability to focus on it while my concerns are with them has proven to not work. My step Dad's children want to separate them by moving him 1500 miles away to an assisted care place and have my Mom live with me alone. They still know eachother, hold hands, etc. I feel this would be devastating and it is breaking my heart at the thought of it. My Mom is 76 and he is 88yrs old. They have been married for 13 years. The attached photo of my parents was taken last Weds after having dinner at my house.

 

[jawuk]

Hi Lauri. what a heartless suggestion by your step siblings! Apart from anything else they have no legal right to move their father away from his lawful wife unless he wishes to leave and to do so without his ex[ress permission is highly likely to be illegal, perhaps even kidnap! As they show their care for each other it would be cruel to both of them to even suggest it imho.

If you decide to have them come and live with you would it be possible for you to fund some in-home care whilst you work? It's always good to keep your future employment options open.

It's a lovely photo btw :O)

 

[Linbrusco]

Hi Lauri.
I forgot I posted this, and since Feb, my Dad has been diagnosed with cognitive impairment. Some short term memory issues, but after all the testing and a brain scan, they do not feel he has dementia.
I still question this though.

I was so sorry to read your post. Having your mother & step dad to live with you is a difficult decision. My concern is that if they go and live with you that your Step siblings will have even more ability to move their Dad, but while he's in care with your Mum it wouldn't be as easy.