Hi
I'm sorry to hear about your Mum and for you too as this situation is making you sad. It must be very difficult trying to get to visit etc living all that distance away.
My situation is similar to yours in that dad has had dementia for about 12 years but not formally diagnosed till about 8 years ago. He started at around 67 and is 79 now. He has been in residential care for about 8 years.
Like your Mum, he sleeps much of the time. He can't walk, talk, see very well, is unaware of is surroundings, doesn't recognise or even acknowledge anyone, can't sit up and is doubly incontinent. His arms and legs are contracted and he suffers from pressure sores. The worst thing is his swallowing mechanism is deteriorating and despite pureed foods and thickened drinks he coughs and chokes on his meals. He's been like this for about 4 years and is very gradually getting worse, but when I ask how long he can go on like this, I'm told he's fine! In fact one carer told me he could go on like this for years to come yet. Everything I've read says that this illness is very unpredictable and I have become quite distressed by this limbo-state where he's neither alive, nor dead.
If I'm honest the thought of this going on much longer leaves me in despair. He has no quality of life at all and it doesn't seem fair on him.
But at least I am fortunate that I don't have any health problems or live a long distance away so I'm able to visit him quite regularly. I do understand how difficult this stage of the illness is though and I really do sympathise.
Sending you hugs and hoping you get lots of support by posting on here.
xx