My Father'care

[kindle]

My Father who is nearly 94 has dual dementia and was put into a care home (CH) in June last year. Last week he was moved into the more severe area of the home as they said his dementia had worsened and he would get better care in that area as they were dementia trained.
Yesterday Mother, who is extremely frail herself, visited, on her 84th birthday, to find he had 3 pullovers on and was smelling badly! She took nearly an hour to sort him out. I asked her if she spoken to the staff about how she had found him, she said she had but they said they could only do so much and sometimes he would not cooperate!
Over the last few months I have had discussions with the CH deputy manager about the same issues / situations, which was one of the reasons they transferred him upstairs for the more supposed specialist care!
As I live 3 hours away, I cannot help on a day to day basis (which I would love to do), and am so frustrated that the care, we are paying dearly for, seems so fundamentally lacking! How can this be classed as being cared for with dignity and respect?
What do I do? I feel so helpless!

 

[stanleypj]

How can this be classed as being cared for with dignity and respect?

It can't.

I would think that anyone would find this intolerable. I think you would be well advised to put your concerns in writing to the care home and ask for a formal meeting. Take someone else with you if you can and make it very clear what you expect in future. All care homes should be aware that they are now under very close scrutiny and some references to the Care Quality Commission would not go amiss. Try to get a firm assurance that the issues you have raised will be addressed and ask them to put this in writing.

Good luck

 

[kindle]

It can't.

I would think that anyone would find this intolerable. I think you would be well advised to put your concerns in writing to the care home and ask for a formal meeting. Take someone else with you if you can and make it very clear what you expect in future. All care homes should be aware that they are now under very close scrutiny and some references to the Care Quality Commission would not go amiss. Try to get a firm assurance that the issues you have raised will be addressed and ask them to put this in writing.

Good luck

Thanks for the suggestion. I never actually thought to put it all down in writing, just assumed speaking to the deputy manager would do the trick!

 

[jaymor]

My thoughts are which battles to fight.

Having three jumpers on is unusual in our world but in dementia world it is common. If it is not affecting his health, then is it a problem? My husband though always smartly dressed can sometimes be seen to have a tee shirt on under his polo shirt. It is I fact his pyjama top that he has insisted on having put back on after his shower. If he cannot be persuaded to not have it on then his carer won't upset him. I will accept that.

As to not being changed then that is not acceptable. That is a health issue. It does not take long for the skin to break down if cleanliness is not a priority. Then one problem causes another problem that may be neglected too. If they have no time to address one problem they certainly will not address two. It must be so uncomfortable for the resident concerned and unpleasant for those around. I would not accept any excuse for soiled pads or clothing not being dealt with and if incontinence is there then creams are to be used after changing. This is basic care and there is no excuse to it not being done that should be accepted by us.

I hope your meeting with the home goes well. They are failing in their care as simple as that.

Jay


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[virg]

We've accepted that Mum is regularly oddly dressed. She still has enough of a mind to be awkward and determined with what she is going to wear. If she has decided, there is no changing her mind (e.g. pyjama trousers on under a skirt, several skirts on, mismatched clothing). The carers apologise about it and say that they keep trying to get her right but there's no convincing her.

Also, when she needs cleaning, it's a big battle as she doesn't believe there is a problem and won't stay still for long enough for anything to be done. The carers try hard, I believe that but she just doesn't allow for more than a basic clean and that is with her hitting them. Trying to put creams on her (as in the last post) would be impossible. I was embarrassed when I saw her hitting out at the carers but on thinking about it, I realised that it's probably a natural reaction. If someone tried to remove my underwear when I didn't think there was a problem (which is how she is), I would hit out.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that whilst it's wrong for the person to be left smelly, if the person has a certain degree of mobility, then that job is difficult and the carers may be doing their best. Short of holding them down (which I would object to), I'm not sure what could be done.