Dear Sylvia, I'm very sorry that things went awry. But as people have said, at least you tried. Glad you are anyway home safe and sound. Love Deborah
A life in the day of.........................
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Sylvia,
I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience. You must have been imagining the worst in those 4 hours. Glad that Dhiren was found safe and well.
On the positive side hopefully Dhiren is glad to be 'home'? Mission accomplished? I hope so.
I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience. You must have been imagining the worst in those 4 hours. Glad that Dhiren was found safe and well.
On the positive side hopefully Dhiren is glad to be 'home'? Mission accomplished? I hope so.
Thanks everyone. I think [I hope] good will come of this.
Dhiren has been dreadfully confused, even more than usual, and said he doesn`t know where his is, who he is and can`t even remember the names of his parents.
I hope this is just because of all the upheaval, and he isn`t now losing his long term memory too.
This morning he said he wishes he could just be normal, and not a freak.
One member of my family suggested it might be time to consider `putting him in a home.` I`ll say no more.
Dhiren has been dreadfully confused, even more than usual, and said he doesn`t know where his is, who he is and can`t even remember the names of his parents.
I hope this is just because of all the upheaval, and he isn`t now losing his long term memory too.
This morning he said he wishes he could just be normal, and not a freak.
One member of my family suggested it might be time to consider `putting him in a home.` I`ll say no more.
Grannie G said:This morning he said he wishes he could just be normal, and not a freak.
One member of my family suggested it might be time to consider `putting him in a home.` I`ll say no more.
Oh Granny G
I am so sorry that your Manchester trip was so stressful for both of you.
I think it is soo sad that Dhiren has enough capacity to know that things are not right. This is the most heartbreaking part of this disease. Probably, I have worded the above sentence wrongly, but you will know what I mean
I've said before, I don't know what is worse, coping with spouses, or parents.
For what it's worth, I don't think Dhiren should be in a home yet, but only you can tell, when you have had enough and only you can make that decision, as I'm sure you know.
But please think of yourself also. Don't do as I did in trying to cope regardless, when I was nearly a wreck myself.
Until Mum and Dad went into care, I didn't really realise how much stress I was under. Things aren't perfect at the moment in the care home (teething troubles) but I am so much more relaxed now. I am eating, sleeping and gradually living again
Take care
Alfjess
Sylvia, I'm so sorry you had such a frightening time. I can't begin to imagine how frantic you were. But you did make the attempt and that's the most important thing.
I suspect Dhiren's current confusion is a hangover from the trip. Travel is so disorienting for AD patients. It will take a week or two but I think he'll be back to his previous state of mind.
Take care.
Joanne
I suspect Dhiren's current confusion is a hangover from the trip. Travel is so disorienting for AD patients. It will take a week or two but I think he'll be back to his previous state of mind.
Take care.
Joanne
Absolutely!Grannie G said:
This was what I always said about respite as well.
I didn't even contemplate the thought that Jan would ever go into a care home for a minute...... until the day when it became the only possible solution.
Until that point, my search for solutions to keep us together was endless.
It would be nice to think that we could map out our futures in this regard, calmly, and to seamlessly merge a normal life into one in a care home.
Doesn't happen.
You are doing really well, Sylvia, though I very much doubt you would agree at this stage.
Sending you both hugs.
Glad you are safe at home, it must have been so frighting for you both.
Thinking of you, Janet.
Glad you are safe at home, it must have been so frighting for you both.
Thinking of you,
Janet.
Brucie said:You are doing really well, Sylvia, though I very much doubt you would agree at this stage.
I'll second that!
It was amazing of you to take Dhiren to Manchester in the first place, in the hope that it would settle his anxiety about 'home'.
You've been under huge strain recently, coping with his desire for home, and his 'lapses'. And through it all you've given so much to this forum.
You're doing brilliantly and I'm sure you'll know when the time has come to accept some help.
Love, xx
Just to add my sympathy to all the previous ones. How incredible that Dhiren could walk so far and for so long!! (I wonder how he felt at that time, lost and alone). Maybe some good will come of it - if Dhiren can accept he is better where he is , but only time will tell.
Thes are my thoughts exactly and one really bad incident cannot justify moving him - only you know when you have had enough and AT THAT TIME it will be the right time. (I say this for myself too).
Take care Sylvia - it is sad that the break will have done you absolutely no good at all and maybe you need to think about a couple of days respite ! - just a thought as I know it is easier said than done.
Beckyjan
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Thes are my thoughts exactly and one really bad incident cannot justify moving him - only you know when you have had enough and AT THAT TIME it will be the right time. (I say this for myself too).
Take care Sylvia - it is sad that the break will have done you absolutely no good at all and maybe you need to think about a couple of days respite ! - just a thought as I know it is easier said than done.
Beckyjan
Sylvia,
Did you see This morning breakfast .
They had a phone in I miss it , but my daughter said that a woman rang saying that her mother had put her father in care home , he had Parkinson and Alzheimer's .
The presenter said someone once told her , that now the Wife can stop being the carer and be his Wife again .
as in care home she see to his emotional side rather his Physical needs , so become his wife again .
my daughter was surprise when the person burst out crying on TV .
when told that.
The other day someone intrude me as This is isabel Daughter , I said No I am her daughter Margaret
I feel I have lost being her daughter , with the view of society and now am her carer.
So they saying if I put my mother in care home I became the daughter again, Not her carer
Just wondering what are other people perception of this
Did you see This morning breakfast .
They had a phone in I miss it , but my daughter said that a woman rang saying that her mother had put her father in care home , he had Parkinson and Alzheimer's .
The presenter said someone once told her , that now the Wife can stop being the carer and be his Wife again .
as in care home she see to his emotional side rather his Physical needs , so become his wife again .
my daughter was surprise when the person burst out crying on TV .
when told that.
The other day someone intrude me as This is isabel Daughter , I said No I am her daughter Margaret
I feel I have lost being her daughter , with the view of society and now am her carer.
So they saying if I put my mother in care home I became the daughter again, Not her carer
Just wondering what are other people perception of this
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Thank you so much everyone.
This Forum is truly amazing. Each and every one of you, a group of `strangers` from all over the world, know and understand more about the position we find ourselves in than any member of my family, apart from our son.
My sister was indignant, unable to understand why I didn`t `tell him off` for causing so much worry. My cousin couldn`t understand why I wasn`t cross with him.
Both showed concern for how they think it would have affected me, because they could only relate it to how they, themselves would have been affected. They could try to put themselves in my shoes, but had no way of trying to put themselves in Dhiren`s shoes.
Somehow I feel he was on `automatic pilot`, walking in a familiar direction, but without a purpose, just walking, because he`d trodden this route so many times before.
We slept well and woke late but both have dreadful colds and sore throats, courtesy of an overheated railway compartment. Our isolation from public proximity has affected our immune systems.
I know it`s early days, very early days, but if this incident does anything to reduce the almost daily `going home` performance, and the unhappiness caused by living where we do, I will have achieved my objective, and it will all have been worthwhile.
It remains to be seen........................
This Forum is truly amazing. Each and every one of you, a group of `strangers` from all over the world, know and understand more about the position we find ourselves in than any member of my family, apart from our son.
My sister was indignant, unable to understand why I didn`t `tell him off` for causing so much worry. My cousin couldn`t understand why I wasn`t cross with him.
Both showed concern for how they think it would have affected me, because they could only relate it to how they, themselves would have been affected. They could try to put themselves in my shoes, but had no way of trying to put themselves in Dhiren`s shoes.
Somehow I feel he was on `automatic pilot`, walking in a familiar direction, but without a purpose, just walking, because he`d trodden this route so many times before.
We slept well and woke late but both have dreadful colds and sore throats, courtesy of an overheated railway compartment. Our isolation from public proximity has affected our immune systems.
I know it`s early days, very early days, but if this incident does anything to reduce the almost daily `going home` performance, and the unhappiness caused by living where we do, I will have achieved my objective, and it will all have been worthwhile.
It remains to be seen........................
Margarita said:
I saw it, Maggie. The lady who phoned in was in floods of tears because she felt guilty that she had put her husband in a home -- she had no choice, he had Parkinson's plus Lewy Body, and had just had an emergency operation for strangulated hernia.
Ruth, the host, broke down because her father had recently been placed in care, and she too felt guilty.
I immediately emailed the programme and asked that they both be given the link to TP. I've had an automated reply, but that's all. I do hope the link gets passed on, I felt so sorry for both of them. This guilt monster makes it all so hard.
One thing I hated was being referred to by professionals as "the" daughter (as if everyone had one, and only one).
But I liked it when my mother responded with "yes, she is the daughter and I am the Mummy" (proving that sometimes she remembered which was which).
Lila
But I liked it when my mother responded with "yes, she is the daughter and I am the Mummy" (proving that sometimes she remembered which was which).
Lila
Margarita said:
Thanks sky , you've explained it better to me then my daughter .
My daughter was saying that she was amazed in how many people have AZ .
I feel they really has been a big awareness going on lately on TV past year , I was going to say she only picking up on it , because its happening in our family .
But thought I better not say that , but it got her to see my side of it in looking after mum .
It got us talking about Mum in care home . I told her that my issue with it , is I don't like the home outside my area .
like Sylvia says . I can relate that to my mother
My daughter was saying how since mum been going to SS day-center , she chatting so much , having conversation with my daughter .
Its strange Its like mum going back to how she was before medication , its like she is having an awaking , maybe medication had a form of tranquilizer in it and its wearing of slowly .
So I better make the most of this time with her , as I look at an old posting when I first started on TP and I said my mother was in stage 5 , she now in 6 .
Anyway positive thing came out of conversation , she of from university for summer from Friday , so she look after mum if , where every I want , but not on weekend as she working , So I won't have to rush back on the days she go to day-center or on the day like Thursday she does not go .
Sorry I do go on
Just like to add I can so relater to the above & feel that its only my mother not my husband and should not feel like that , but I do
My daughter was saying that she was amazed in how many people have AZ .
I feel they really has been a big awareness going on lately on TV past year , I was going to say she only picking up on it , because its happening in our family .
But thought I better not say that , but it got her to see my side of it in looking after mum .
It got us talking about Mum in care home . I told her that my issue with it , is I don't like the home outside my area .
like Sylvia says . I can relate that to my mother
My daughter was saying how since mum been going to SS day-center , she chatting so much , having conversation with my daughter .
Its strange Its like mum going back to how she was before medication , its like she is having an awaking , maybe medication had a form of tranquilizer in it and its wearing of slowly .
So I better make the most of this time with her , as I look at an old posting when I first started on TP and I said my mother was in stage 5 , she now in 6 .
Anyway positive thing came out of conversation , she of from university for summer from Friday , so she look after mum if , where every I want , but not on weekend as she working , So I won't have to rush back on the days she go to day-center or on the day like Thursday she does not go .
Sorry I do go on
Just like to add I can so relater to the above & feel that its only my mother not my husband and should not feel like that , but I do
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Margarita said:
I don't think there's a tranquilliser Maggie. It's just that the medication slows the progression of the disease for a while. But when it stops working (and they all do, after a time), there seems to be a sudden deterioration.
The same thing is happening with my John. Up to last year, he was relatively stable, but now he's going downhill fast.
Maggie, please don't feel like that. It doesn't matter whether we're caring for a spouse or a parent, it's just as hard to watch them deteriorating. Not 'only my mother', but 'the mother I love', just as John is 'the husband I love'.
Love,
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