The key to me is this: I am going to miss my mum at Christmas, whether or not she spends it at my house, or in her care home.
While there are still very occasional flashes of the woman she once was, 99.9% of the time the woman was was my mother is not around, replaced by a lady who looks like her but whose memories and personality and preferences are wildly different.
Year 1 when she was in the home, she came to ours for the day. She didn't eat, she was anxious, she didn't understand presents. She got upset, everyone was on edge, nobody relaxed, nobody had a good time.
Year 2, we visited her in the care home for an hourish Xmas Eve. She still didn't understand what was going on, didn't understand presents - but she was relaxed in a familiar environment, and as a result so were we.
We will do the same again this year, visit her in the care home. And I will cry buckets again when we leave because I will miss my mum, my mum who has been lost to me for three years now.
Do what is right for all of you, today. Not was right for last year, or for the people who are no longer around. Remember fondly how things were and the people who once were, but do the things that are right for who you all are, right now.
While there are still very occasional flashes of the woman she once was, 99.9% of the time the woman was was my mother is not around, replaced by a lady who looks like her but whose memories and personality and preferences are wildly different.
Year 1 when she was in the home, she came to ours for the day. She didn't eat, she was anxious, she didn't understand presents. She got upset, everyone was on edge, nobody relaxed, nobody had a good time.
Year 2, we visited her in the care home for an hourish Xmas Eve. She still didn't understand what was going on, didn't understand presents - but she was relaxed in a familiar environment, and as a result so were we.
We will do the same again this year, visit her in the care home. And I will cry buckets again when we leave because I will miss my mum, my mum who has been lost to me for three years now.
Do what is right for all of you, today. Not was right for last year, or for the people who are no longer around. Remember fondly how things were and the people who once were, but do the things that are right for who you all are, right now.
