Oh I hate myself for coming on here and whining but I'm going to anyway...
This weekend I've just been so sad about my mum. I think for the last four years I've been running on adrenaline - trying to get the diagnosis, battling with dad to a large extent, mithering every doctor in sight to get them to take us seriously.
I think we've finally reached a point were the adrenaline stops and it was the stupidist thing but I was playing a computer game that my mum and I used to play together years ago and suddenly all the anger was gone and all I could remember was how things used to be before mum was ill. We lived together, worked together, socialised together and sat up til all hours of the night watching crappy B movies about murderous wigs and such like (the Toupe from Hell if you like that kind of thing!)
There are hardly any glimpses of the mum I loved anymore although I'm lucky that she still likes to hug me and likes me holding her hand. She brought me a present back from her recent holiday with dad which was lovely (although it was jam and I've never liked jam - even as a child!), so I know I shouldn't complain but I just miss her so much you know?
This is the dynamic woman who looked after me when my fiance died, comforted me when my dog died, helped me with job applications and promotions and organised my beautiful wedding.
I know I should be grateful for the wonderful memories I have but thinking about them hurts so much. To be honest I think I found the anger easier to deal with.
I'm sorry I'm whinging but I didn't want to burden dad with this stuff - he has enough to contend with as he's only just learning to accept this himself but I needed to get it out...
Kate P
XXX
This weekend I've just been so sad about my mum. I think for the last four years I've been running on adrenaline - trying to get the diagnosis, battling with dad to a large extent, mithering every doctor in sight to get them to take us seriously.
I think we've finally reached a point were the adrenaline stops and it was the stupidist thing but I was playing a computer game that my mum and I used to play together years ago and suddenly all the anger was gone and all I could remember was how things used to be before mum was ill. We lived together, worked together, socialised together and sat up til all hours of the night watching crappy B movies about murderous wigs and such like (the Toupe from Hell if you like that kind of thing!)
There are hardly any glimpses of the mum I loved anymore although I'm lucky that she still likes to hug me and likes me holding her hand. She brought me a present back from her recent holiday with dad which was lovely (although it was jam and I've never liked jam - even as a child!), so I know I shouldn't complain but I just miss her so much you know?
This is the dynamic woman who looked after me when my fiance died, comforted me when my dog died, helped me with job applications and promotions and organised my beautiful wedding.
I know I should be grateful for the wonderful memories I have but thinking about them hurts so much. To be honest I think I found the anger easier to deal with.
I'm sorry I'm whinging but I didn't want to burden dad with this stuff - he has enough to contend with as he's only just learning to accept this himself but I needed to get it out...
Kate P
XXX