Mum doesn't know me anymore

Pottingshed50

Registered User
Apr 8, 2012
514
0
Amber - no one but no one can describe how you feel. My Mum is just a shell, no emotion, no recognition and boy does it hurt. It cuts right through you and twists as it is going in. Pray God someone finds and answer to all this before long and especially for our children's generation.

It seems life is just a lottery. Whether you are good bad or whatever if you pull the right strings out of the bran tub then you are healthy and can live to a ripe old age and continue to be you. Those of us who pull the wrong strings the end is no quality of life. I know which string I shall be looking and hoping for.
 

Resigned

Registered User
Feb 23, 2010
223
0
Wiltshire
Hi Amber

I'm sorry that you were upset about your mum not knowing you, its devastating when it happens, no matter how prepared you think you are.

My mother, I think, hasn't known who I am for about a year. Nothing concrete to go on, just a lack of interest in her eyes when I visit. Now, she doesn't know anything about anyone, she responds sometimes because I am smiling at her, otherwise, she walks off and ignores me as nothing to do with her.

You do get sort of used to it, but its very hard.

take care
R
 

Lizjg

Registered User
Dec 29, 2011
101
0
Near Newark / Grantam
It's a horrible feeling isn't it. My mum first didn't recognise me on Christmas day 2010, which you could imagine really made my Christmas. She had had a major TIA a few days before Christmas, but as I had been away for a week and had come back on the 24th, Dad hadn't really had the chance to tell me just how bad she was. I think also he was in denial, hoping that she would start to remember who we were. My birthday is just after Christmas, and on Christmas day I can remember my Dad saying to her do you want to go out for a meal with your daughter for her birthday, you know your daughter Lizjg, and even though I was sitting next to her she had no idea who I was. She also asked how the man (her 20 year old grandson) who had come with them was going to get home, and where was she, she was at my house where I have lived for 24 years at the time.
 

kenaidog

Registered User
Apr 8, 2013
164
0
Reading this just make me feel sick and sad at the same time. My mother isnt recogn:(ising me at the moment, i think now maybe she will not at all, she seems to be in a time frame about 20-30 years ago, all very mixed up. I have sat in front of her and she says im not who i say i am, my face has changed, I dont know if she is thinking of the young me or not but her face is blank when i say who i am, she is full of anger and aggression all most all the time now. Its very stressful sometimes to go see her, but i still do. I will still go even when she is in the last stage , she is in the moderate to severe at the mo.I never thought id see this and its took me months to try and come to terms with the way she has become. I cant even take her out anymore , the behaviour is too mad and would draw attention to herself a lot, and i never know what she is going to be like from one min to the next
 

Hedgy

Registered User
Aug 7, 2013
33
0
Hugs, Amber! I'm crying while reading these posts. This damn disease is so unfair.

My gran is heading towards that. Today I challenged her and asked if she remembered how we were related but she could not. Then I asked her who my dad was to her (i.e. her son). She thought for a moment and said "brother" (but she never had any brothers). Couple of weeks ago she asked me since when I knew that my dad was indeed my dad.

I dread the day when she won't recognize me. :(
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,667
0
Hi Amber. The day I was told mum's diagnosis my first and lasting fear is that she will forget me. It took me a while before I could face this thread for that reason.

I went out with mum this week and she continually confuses my brother with her brother (who has died). I know she still recognises him but in her mind she sees her brother not her son. A couple of times she called me her sister though I know she knows who I am. It's just a mess.

Over lunch I asked her to promise me she would never forget me. She looked at me and said "don't be silly, you're my daughter!". I wanted to cry so much, as I do most days recently. I wish she could guarantee that but I know she can't. This disease is cruel in the extreme.

Huge ((hugs)) to you xxx
 

kenaidog

Registered User
Apr 8, 2013
164
0
I know how you feel anongirl, on the odd occasion my mother has been her old self it has made me almost break down, i dont know which is worse the good or the bad, both are so sad and no comfort either way.
 

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,694
0
Auckland...... New Zealand
These posts really break my heart.
Mum 72 mid stge AD, is not quite at this stage yet, but yesterday 3 of her sisters came to visit whom she hadn't seen in some months.
2 of her sisters as they walked down the driveway towards the house Mum asked who they were :eek: when I told her she said "Oh".
As they got closer, then Mum seemed to click.
Nothing wrong with her eyesight either.

As everyone says I look like my Grandmother (Mums mum) I wouldn't be surprised at some point if she starts calling me Mum. I would rather that, than her to have no recognition at all.
 

kenaidog

Registered User
Apr 8, 2013
164
0
My mother shouts for her mother too, i was trying to tell her she wasnt here anymore but now i dont, its easier not to try and fight it, i just say ok and let her think was she does, if its some comfort in her mind, well at least that is something isnt it.
 

Vesnina

Registered User
Aug 25, 2013
179
0
what is actually in her head?

... if she starts calling me Mum. I would rather that, than her to have no recognition at all.
My mother lost her eyesight, so she recognizes me - or not - after my voice.
Not if I am tired, exhausted - which I tend to be - or so.

Trying to make her happier, and finding her cute and dear, I hug her a lot, and call her in different gentle words while helping her to stand or sit, to undress or dress, to do anything she would be very unhappy not to do by herself without these special distractions and comfort.

Sometimes, however, after this she asks for her mother, maybe because childhood memories were touched, maybe because looking for consolation.

But when she is full awake, she knows I am her daughter, her sunshine etc.
and she may be sorry I spend too much of my time on her etc.
I say this is my pleasure as she is so dear and kind and...
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,958
0
Brixham Devon
Hi

Please accept a big hug from me as I know only too well how upsetting this is.

My Husband hasn't known me as his wife for over a year and has totally forgotten my name. A couple of weeks ago he said 'who are you' when I visited-yet only a few days before he had a cruel (for him) glimpse of the past and was saying how he had hurt people (no idea what he was talking about) and how he hadn't realised how 'wonderful' I was.

So sorry for you

Take care (and a deep breath)

Lyn T
 

21citrouilles

Registered User
Aug 11, 2012
561
0
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
I'm sorry for your mother not recognising you, for this loss.

My mother started confusing me with her sister two years ago, even once asking me if I was her mother. She doesn't remember me anymore as her child, as I've become to her a hybrid of myself and her sister. When she speaks about my chilhood it is her sister's and the adulthood part is my own.

But she always recognise my voice and is so happy to chat together - the love is still there.
 

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