If anyone has found any ways of helping their loved ones settle in care home please let me know. Have fewer visits worked, currently someone going twice weekly, should we visit more, everyday? Mum wasn't happy, safe at home and despite medication still the same at care home, though at least safe. Very distressed, angry, crying when we visit, up and down apparently when we don't visit, doesn't seem to be an easy answer!
any tips to make mum settle in care home
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wasn't happy, safe at home and despite medication still the same at care home
You could have been writing about me and my dad and our situation! My dad has always been "challenging" and occasionally angry since he had to go into a CH. Time has helped most. I have coped by remembering that Dad wasn't happy or safe at home and knowing that I am doing the very best I can even though it never seems like its enough. Keeping visits regular, marking them on a calendar, sending little cards and notes the rest of the time so he knows he's not forgotten and making sure he's got plenty of photos, paintings and other of his favourite things. I have also spoken to the home about the way they treat Dad. Walking away rather than letting him get angrier, not pushing him if he doesn't want to get up and not speaking to him in a high pitched baby voice has all helped everyone to cope. I have used the experience gained from dealing with my daughter having toddler tantrums a lot!
wasn't happy, safe at home and despite medication still the same at care home
You could have been writing about me and my dad and our situation! My dad has always been "challenging" and occasionally angry since he had to go into a CH. Time has helped most. I have coped by remembering that Dad wasn't happy or safe at home and knowing that I am doing the very best I can even though it never seems like its enough. Keeping visits regular, marking them on a calendar, sending little cards and notes the rest of the time so he knows he's not forgotten and making sure he's got plenty of photos, paintings and other of his favourite things. I have also spoken to the home about the way they treat Dad. Walking away rather than letting him get angrier, not pushing him if he doesn't want to get up and not speaking to him in a high pitched baby voice has all helped everyone to cope. I have used the experience gained from dealing with my daughter having toddler tantrums a lot!
Same with my Mum, She is as 'happy' as she is going to get in her CH, and it is a brilliant place, I cant fault it at all. There is no right or wrong hun, just go with how you feel and do what you think is right. I guess I base my thoughts on how my Dad would want me to look after Mum, and also I try to do what feels right for me..i.e. I just try to reduce MY guilt about what I have done and also what I feel I haven't done.
I am not sure there is a happy ending for this, the best we can get is a happy medium?!
Take good care of yourself
I am not sure there is a happy ending for this, the best we can get is a happy medium?!
Take good care of yourself
Early days... If your visits are not having a lasting effect, don't worry too much over not going as much and take a breater knowing she's safe. Sometimes a visit from a loved one can even throw things - there always has to be goodbye at the end. Alternatively, if they do help and you can go daily, then do. It'd make you both feel better. The whole place is never going to make sense straight away if she cannot remember the 'why. Help her to be happy in whatever way is available. But yes, check the staff are being consistently best in how they talk to her. Has someone hit on an explanation, reply or approach that brings a period of calm? They should share this. One size does not fit all when it comes to reassurances, but most people hate being talked down to! No simple answers, but time usually softens the hard edges.
Best wishes
LT
Best wishes
LT
make them happy
My Mom has been in a care facility for a year now. The first few monthes were rough to say the least. The doctor and the care providers advised us to stay away at least two weeks. It was so hard to do, but we knew she was finally safe and we did it. That seemed to help her settle a little. She was still packing and unpacking every time we went for about 6 months. But she is now settled and I visit every two weeks or more often if I can (she isn't in the same town). Every visit she is surprised that I have found her and she is happy that I did. Hang in there, she will settle down, it just takes a while for the new "normal" to be a way of life. You also have to be conscious of your health and not worry yourself sick.
My Mom has been in a care facility for a year now. The first few monthes were rough to say the least. The doctor and the care providers advised us to stay away at least two weeks. It was so hard to do, but we knew she was finally safe and we did it. That seemed to help her settle a little. She was still packing and unpacking every time we went for about 6 months. But she is now settled and I visit every two weeks or more often if I can (she isn't in the same town). Every visit she is surprised that I have found her and she is happy that I did. Hang in there, she will settle down, it just takes a while for the new "normal" to be a way of life. You also have to be conscious of your health and not worry yourself sick.
Thank you all for your kind posts, visited again and mum very upset, angry etc, I fear for mum's physical health with all of the stress. Going to stay away for a little while.
