I woke up this morning feeling very sad as I have just realised I am losing my much loved husband. He was diagnosed on Monday and will soon be starting treatment with tablets, after he has had his heart checked out. I was alright up until now but it has really hit me today. It is just the start of Alzheimer's but I am feeling so overcome with grief, I lost my first husband 22 years ago when I was only 50 and know this is now happening again. How long have I got with him? I live about sixty miles away from my family.
Help! It has just sunk in
- Thread starter Billy's Girl
- Start date
Hello Sue
Well at least you have found Talking Point [ TP ] early on in your husband`s diagnosis and although it can`t make him better I hope the support and friendship you will receive here will help see you through.
I came to TP one year after diagnosis and it has been the best help I could ever have hoped for, exchanging feelings and experiences with others in similar situations.
No one can tell you how long you have left with your husband. The illness progresses at different rates with different people and different forms of dementia.
My husband was diagnosed in 2005 and I still have quality time with him even though the illness has taken it`s toll in other ways.
Just try to live from day to day if you can. Easier said than done I know but really it`s as much as we can do.
There are many Factsheets available which you will find here.
Perhaps the one which will help you best at this stage is After a Diagnosis.
Well at least you have found Talking Point [ TP ] early on in your husband`s diagnosis and although it can`t make him better I hope the support and friendship you will receive here will help see you through.
I came to TP one year after diagnosis and it has been the best help I could ever have hoped for, exchanging feelings and experiences with others in similar situations.
No one can tell you how long you have left with your husband. The illness progresses at different rates with different people and different forms of dementia.
My husband was diagnosed in 2005 and I still have quality time with him even though the illness has taken it`s toll in other ways.
Just try to live from day to day if you can. Easier said than done I know but really it`s as much as we can do.
There are many Factsheets available which you will find here.
Perhaps the one which will help you best at this stage is After a Diagnosis.
i know the feeling,i remember back 3/4 years ago when my wife got diagnosed,i got caught up in the rushing here there and everywhere for the various stages of diagnosis and then when the diagnosis came it hit me like a ton of bricks.the reality that my 40 year old wife has alzheimer's,it does become easier to live with,don't sit waiting for the last stage of this awful disease because it will screw you up,try to enjoy the time you have left and accept the help that's available.
I am so sorry your husband is disappearing...mine is too, after recent diagnosis, and in retrospect, I must say, that it has been happening gradually over the past few years.
We will be grieving always now at this devastating loss....I cried every day at first, and still do from time to time, when I think about it quietly, or when he behaves abnormally.
No-one knows how long you will have with your husband...if he is fit, like mine, it could be quite a few more years than 3 score and ten!
It is important to build a support network with people close to you, nearby, and with understanding family members, who can spend time with your husband to give you much-needed 'time off'. I am lucky today as a friend has taken my husband out in the car, and I am able to think clearly alone at home, and get comfort from this excellent website.
Do start to build in 'me' time to your day and week. I hope you can get all the help you need, and don't feel guilty about that - your health is paramount for you both to enjoy the rest of your time together, as we try to do. love and hugs, Lilian
Oh Malc, I completely agree with you. I try to arrange things we can both enjoy, my husband and me together. It is not wise to spend too much time on trying to work out the stages and getting depressed by it all. Every day is different, and is a steep learning curve. i wish you every good wish that you can enjoy your days together. Building a support network also helps, for you to have some 'me' time too. love and hugs x
Dear Sue,
I would like to offer you a warm welcome to Talking Point. I remember when my late husband was diagnosed. I had no idea what the progression would be. In his case there was no medication because he had a different form of dementia. I do know that we were able to have a really good life, even with dementia, and we made the most of the good times. There are members of Talking Point who have this disease and they are marvellous, contributing members and they are living proof that it is possible to have a life. You might want to read their threads as a source of encouragement. One member is CreativeSarah and the other member is Barry. There are others but you do not need overwhelming
.
There is no telling how this will affect your husband. I personally believe that the more informed and supported you are, the better chance your husband has of getting the best. It is vital that you find support. Apart from Talking Point, your local Branch of the Alzheimers Society can be immensely helpful to both carer and career. You might want to think about ringing them and asking to meet with one of their support workers Sue. If your husband is able to be left, it might be an idea to meet without your husband so that you can talk freely. These support workers are very knowledgable about local support and services.
Of course this news will have touched the fear of losing your husband as you have experienced this once before. Again, you might find it helpful to feel supported through this.
Talking Point has much to offer. It was an absolute lifeline to me and it still is. I do hope you are able to benefit from all that TP has to offer. There is room for the serious matters as well as the Tea Room where we can have fun and just gather to have tea and a chat - virtually of course When I was caring for Alan, I was unable to have holidays because Alan didn't like them so we had virtual retreats and at the time, it was as good as the real thing I will look for you and will help you to settle here if that is what you choose to do.
Love
I would like to offer you a warm welcome to Talking Point. I remember when my late husband was diagnosed. I had no idea what the progression would be. In his case there was no medication because he had a different form of dementia. I do know that we were able to have a really good life, even with dementia, and we made the most of the good times. There are members of Talking Point who have this disease and they are marvellous, contributing members and they are living proof that it is possible to have a life. You might want to read their threads as a source of encouragement. One member is CreativeSarah and the other member is Barry. There are others but you do not need overwhelming
. There is no telling how this will affect your husband. I personally believe that the more informed and supported you are, the better chance your husband has of getting the best. It is vital that you find support. Apart from Talking Point, your local Branch of the Alzheimers Society can be immensely helpful to both carer and career. You might want to think about ringing them and asking to meet with one of their support workers Sue. If your husband is able to be left, it might be an idea to meet without your husband so that you can talk freely. These support workers are very knowledgable about local support and services.
Of course this news will have touched the fear of losing your husband as you have experienced this once before. Again, you might find it helpful to feel supported through this.
Talking Point has much to offer. It was an absolute lifeline to me and it still is. I do hope you are able to benefit from all that TP has to offer. There is room for the serious matters as well as the Tea Room where we can have fun and just gather to have tea and a chat - virtually of course
When I was caring for Alan, I was unable to have holidays because Alan didn't like them so we had virtual retreats and at the time, it was as good as the real thing I will look for you and will help you to settle here if that is what you choose to do.Love
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Hi Sue,
You've had great advice already and you will find loads more as you start to explore TP.
Most people seem to find that, after the first shock, it is possible to gradually adjust to the new situation. Everybody's experience is very different, as you'll discover, and the more support you can access, the more chance there is that you will be able to look after your husband, and yourself, well.
Your distance from your family does not help but you may find that there are local services and organisations that can offer support. A good starting point would be to contact the Alzheimer's Society for information about what is available locallly.
You should also speak to an admiral nurse:
http://www.dementiauk.org/what-we-do/admiral-nursing-direct/
This link gives you a direct phone number.
The most important thing to remember is that you haven't lost your husband yet.
Take care,
You've had great advice already and you will find loads more as you start to explore TP.
Most people seem to find that, after the first shock, it is possible to gradually adjust to the new situation. Everybody's experience is very different, as you'll discover, and the more support you can access, the more chance there is that you will be able to look after your husband, and yourself, well.
Your distance from your family does not help but you may find that there are local services and organisations that can offer support. A good starting point would be to contact the Alzheimer's Society for information about what is available locallly.
You should also speak to an admiral nurse:
http://www.dementiauk.org/what-we-do/admiral-nursing-direct/
This link gives you a direct phone number.
The most important thing to remember is that you haven't lost your husband yet.
Take care,
Thank you
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply. I feel much more positive and will now take each day as it comes and make the most of this wonderful site. I am pleased to have found it.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply. I feel much more positive and will now take each day as it comes and make the most of this wonderful site. I am pleased to have found it.
Give yourself time to come to terms with it, (if we ever fully do) and then look at the practical things you can do like making sure you have Power of Attorney. Don't worry about that kind of thing right now, give yourself the time to let this diagnosis sink in. The doctor told me that it could take over a decade for it to progress, everyone is different.
This site has been a life saver for me in all honesty everyone here really understands.
Hello Sue and welcome.
My husband was diagnosed 8 years ago at the age of 62 and we too felt so devastated by the diagnosis. Time has helped, still very sad that dementia chose to torment my husband but we are coping well with the wonderful help of his carers within the nursing home. I cared for him for 7 years with him being in his nursing home for just over a year now.
Keep using the forum it really is a life saver, so much advice, support and friendship.
Look forward to getting to know something of you and your husband.
Jay
My husband was diagnosed 8 years ago at the age of 62 and we too felt so devastated by the diagnosis. Time has helped, still very sad that dementia chose to torment my husband but we are coping well with the wonderful help of his carers within the nursing home. I cared for him for 7 years with him being in his nursing home for just over a year now.
Keep using the forum it really is a life saver, so much advice, support and friendship.
Look forward to getting to know something of you and your husband.
Jay
Dear Sue Welcome to TP
I am sorry of your need to find us, but glad that you have.
TP was my lifeline, so much support , knowledge and friendship, it kept me sane.
Though you knew something was wrong probably for quite a while ,it still can come as a terrible shock when the diagnosis comes.
So give yourself the time be kind to yourself, its not only shock but grief you are going through
You will cope Honest!!!
We can help with what to do where to go next and so much more.
So feel free to ask questions.
This is a good place to come and have a rant when you need to get things off your chest, we are a hardy bunch and nothing much shocks us
As to how long. no one can say , this disease is so individual.
Take it one day at a time, and live as full a life as you can with your Husband
I have no idea how your husband is with this horrid disease,but I think if you can have a read of this thread, its about a lovey couple living life with Alzheimers, it may help you and give you some ideas, it is not an all milk and honey thread
few of our threads are but their are a lot of good times in there too
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?36598-Update-on-Bill.
I am sorry of your need to find us, but glad that you have.
TP was my lifeline, so much support , knowledge and friendship, it kept me sane.
Though you knew something was wrong probably for quite a while ,it still can come as a terrible shock when the diagnosis comes.
So give yourself the time be kind to yourself, its not only shock but grief you are going through
You will cope Honest!!!
We can help with what to do where to go next and so much more.
So feel free to ask questions.
This is a good place to come and have a rant when you need to get things off your chest, we are a hardy bunch and nothing much shocks us
As to how long. no one can say , this disease is so individual.
Take it one day at a time, and live as full a life as you can with your Husband
I have no idea how your husband is with this horrid disease,but I think if you can have a read of this thread, its about a lovey couple living life with Alzheimers, it may help you and give you some ideas, it is not an all milk and honey thread
few of our threads are but their are a lot of good times in there too
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?36598-Update-on-Bill.
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Hello Living, no I am sorry I have not heard of progress this quickly they told me it would take a decade or more for mum's to progress, this was vascular. There are many posting here I am sure others will be able to relate to this.
Welcome to TP by the way.
I can only echo what everyone else has said. Yes the diagnosis is devastating. The only way I could deal with it was to take one day at a time and not dwell on the future. We have still had lots of wonderful times since diagnosis. I just have to adapt as we go along
We have been extremely lucky as he was diagnosed 12 years ago and the decline has been slow. He's fairly far advanced now but we still do what we can.
I hope your husband's progress is slow. Use TP for help, support and advice. There will always be someone there to help, support and advice.
We have been extremely lucky as he was diagnosed 12 years ago and the decline has been slow. He's fairly far advanced now but we still do what we can.
I hope your husband's progress is slow. Use TP for help, support and advice. There will always be someone there to help, support and advice.
