Hiding money

[Linbrusco]

I have POA for Mum as well as authority on Mum & Dads bank a/cs. (mum always used to manage the finances)
For some time now I have been withdrawing a weekly sum for both Mum & Dad.
I only give Mum about GBP10-20 at the most, because she has lost money before.

Tonight I gave her her cash, she put in her pocket.
I told her to put it in her purse.
Not an hour later she came over (lives behind us) 9pm in her dressing gown. She had lost her money. She told me that sometimes she hides money because she doesn't want Dad to get it.
When she loses things she literally makes herself ill looking for whatever it is.

She went home, had a good look in the places I suggested and found it hidden in her underwear draw

Does anyone have any strategies when it comes to hiding places, especially money.
Mum likes to have a little cash in her purse as she still goes out 3 x a week to daycare activities so she can buy a coffee, cake etc.

 

[loveahug]

Hi, my mum doesn't go out much but still likes to have cash to give the great grandchildren their pocket money (they're all grown up now lol!). She hides her purse though and has a complete trauma about it at least 3 times a week. She runs the carers a merry dance every time. The hiding places are so varied they can never guess. Poor you being the only ones who have to help her search, it must drive you all frantic together.

Best wishes x

 

[nicoise]

Beware of tissues - my mum used to wrap money and anything she regarded as valuable and needing taking care of in tissues, and then tucked them away in drawers and so on... then it's all too easy to throw away a wadge of them without realising.

 

[Linbrusco]

I suppose its worth asking Mum to show me all the places she likes to hide things.
She loses her glasses quite regularly.
I bought one of those chains to slip around the handles so doesn't actually have to take them off, and just hang around her neck but she didn't like it.
Thankfully I have her spare pair here.

 

[Mamsgirl]

Lin I really hope you come up with some ideas and then post them on here!

Mum's also a bit secretive about money and tends to obsess about bill payments, but the secrecy aspect means she keeps semi-managing her finances with me doing any mopping up needed. She did go through a stage where she was losing money from her purse, which I suspect it went into the pokies.

But I swear there's a Bermuda Triangle at her place where all the lost cards, accounts and correspondence are entombed. As a lapsed archivist I keep all Mum's filing and documents in good order. A couple of months ago there was a blow up with my oldest sister (CC), and Mum removed the file marked "Legal" from the file holder because CC still has a key and Mum doesn't want her to see the new arrangements. Fair enough, in a complicated, slightly nutty way, but the bank now needs to see my SF's will to prove Mum was his executor.

Yep, the wills etc., old and new are in the "Legal" file....in the Bermuda Triangle

 

[elizabet]

I found £3000+ money hidden all over my Mum's house -some under her mattress - a potential burglars paradise, but the rest squirreled away in all sorts of odd places -weeks worth of pension money all hidden away. Thankfully now all safely deposited in her bank . As she is currently in a care home and as I now have POA all her pension etc is paid directly into the bank .She could not remember hiding her money .-so I would suggest you check out every nook and cranny in your Mum's place to check for money tightly folded up and squashed into any container or under furniture etc.

 

[Anongirl]

I used to obsess over this. I would put a small amount of money in mum's purse and put a bit extra in a drawer for "emergencies". Mum has always had a thing about "emergency money" where she would put money away in case she needed it for something important. I have had to let it go a bit now because she takes money out of her purse and wraps it up in kitchen roll and hides it. Or sometimes she hides the purse. I got tired of checking and hunting for things. I noticed the emergency money is dwindling too. I'm assuming she's removing it and hiding that too. She's wrapped the remainder in an elastic band. I tried to advise her of simple ways of keeping money safe but to her her own ways make more sense. Wrapping money up is a huge thing. I found some money inside a glove!

A few weeks ago she pulled out an old purse stuffed with money carefully wrapped in paper and elastic bands. There were hundreds of pounds. She says she's saving for Xmas presents for the grandchildren. I assured her she's got money in her bank to pay for presents but keeping these little stashes of money seems to reassure her.

The best thing I did was take her cash card away. I was a nervous wreck worrying about her "hiding it in a safe place".

Not much help to you but it seems a common issue.

X

 

[Nebiroth]

Does your mum actually use the money or anything, or just "want" it? Many people in her situation do not actuall yhave any use for the money, but having it comforts and reassures them - they have money should they need it, if they have it then they have not lost it, they are still 'independent' etc.

If your mum does not use money for anything, the next question is, does she recognise it for what it is?

If she only wants the cash as a reassurance, but does not recognise it, then play or fake money is a possibility; the advantage is that it does not matter if it goes astray (there is a real possibility it is not only being hidden in odd places, but disposed of, in bins or even down the loo).

Also, you could simply keep some to hand and conveniently "finding" the "lost money" after a quick look and sneaking it out of your bag.

If Mum does use money, for example in local stores, you might be able to reach a private arrangement with them to accept her "money" and for them to simply keep a tab for you to pay off later.

Sadly, in dementia, it is usually necessary to just cope with the consequences of problems, because the root cause - your Mum losing stuff - is insoluble.

I should have read your whole post! I would ask the daycare centre if they will just go along with accepting play money and keeping a tab for you to discreetly pay. If that is the only place she pays for anything.

 

[ancient&modern]

money matters

one time, rarely, thank goodness, father was unwell at daycentre and an incident occurred. we brought him home and, not used to this scenario, eventually managed to sort him out. I then flung the trousers in the bin, glad to be rid of them. some time later, I wondered if I ought to check them, so armed with latex gloves, retrieved them. luckily the pockets area was unaffected. nothing either side, only tissues, as expected; about to fling them back , I noticed a back pocket, zipped, wherein was over k1 in 50s....that was a close shave.
no idea where/ when he got it, or put it in there. had no doubt it was his; my only concern, not much using 50s, was whether they were out of date. this had happened before, necessitating a trip to the bank of England where we were grilled in a little cubicle by a large fierce man, ex-police, who demanded my i.d. as well as father's, then took it away and made a copy, of mine, which slightly alarmed me.
it took on shades of comedy noir when the man asked him if he was sure it was not the proceeds of crime, specifying gun-running, drugs, prostitution. my father carefully considered all of these options and concluded, somewhat sadly, as if sorry to disappoint, "no, just a bit of painting and decorating really ". he was allowed to exchange them for current notes.
that was when he was still compos mentis; I dread to imagine such an interview now...

 

[Witzend]

My FIL used to hide both money and his (defunct) bank books in books, in them or between them or behind them. And we have an awful lot of books in this house, and he would go mad when he and we couldn't find whatever it was. I well remember frantically searching at well past midnight, because he simply wouldn't wait till morning.

Having said that, my OH once made the mistake of giving him the £50 someone had paid as a deposit for buying FIL's car. We went mad with the blasted ****ing books for hours, only to find eventually that he had put it in the pocket of his pyjama top, which he had then hidden under his mattress. Talk about nerves at screaming pitch!

Don't know what you can do about it, to be honest,except give them as little as poss and rely on hidden treasure turning up one day. A colleague of mine found loads of cash when clearing an old uncle's house. He had hardly anything in the bank but IIRC she found about six grand stashed away. Of course it goes without saying that you throw NOTHING away without checking thoroughly, and that includes anything remotely resembling a container, old shoes, books and mags, . and especially bins. My aunt wrapped a valuable ring in manky tissues and put it in a bin, where it was found later by pure luck.

 

[Hengell]

We now have a safe she puts the money in and I have the key if she wants money out, this was brought about due to our unwanted burgler who had been stealing the money, over the years coming in via the bathroom window for more info see my past posts. we thought mum was just hiding it due to thr dementia she could have been at it for years its only since mum has moved in with us now we have a rough idea of her spending apart from the bills i was paying for her, she used to be a heavy smoker but not that heavy obviously as thr money was being spent by the thief

 

[Linbrusco]

Mum definitely likes some money in her purse, and she still uses her ATM card to pay for groceries when I take her shopping. I only keep a minimal amount in her bank account and know her PIN. Although I know I'm not meant to as I work for a bank

Which brings me to another tricky area. As Mum always managed the finances with my input, Dad was always oblivious. He has gotten them into financial difficulty before and if he has any extra money in his pocket it will quite easily go on the poker machines or lottery tickets.
Hence why she hides some of her money I suppose.

As Mum declines he is now asking where his money is, where his ATM card is....
Dad 75, I suspect has cognitive impairment. This is just from my own observations.
Legally he is entitled to half of what is in their joint accounts, but Mums fear is that he will withdraw every last cent.
Although my POA has been enforced for Mum, it isn't for Dad.

What would any of you do in this situation?

 

[Nebiroth]

As far as I am aware, joint owners of an account are legally entitled to all of it. In essence, the content of a joint account is owned entirely by both holders. It is not in any way divided and it doesn't matter who put what money in - it simply goes into the pot which can be accessed without limit by either joint holder.

 

[clio_7]

Hi


Ive went through this with my dad.. he said there's thief's and he wanted to hide the money. Now got him a clock thats a safe. Its screwed onto his bedroom wall and I just pop money in a wee clear bag . I call him in the morning x to let him know again where it is . if u want I xan mail u the link for it


C xx

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Nick99]

I've been in a similar situation and the best advice, which came from talking point, was to give my FIL a bag of £1 coins. This is much harder to lose and he is much happier. The calls about money have reduced significantly as we can mostly direct him to the draw where the bag is kept. We always say to him to leave the bag where it is but there has been the odd occasion when he has move it. Previously when we gave him notes for his wallet they were lost in a matter of hours and it took all day to find where he had hidden them, along with lots and lots f phone calls.

 

[tiggs72]

I have POA for dad and every few days he asks for money - I have no idea what he does with it (I do all his shopping) ?? But I figure it's his money so draw small amounts to give to him to keep him happy. I'm sure it will all turn up in a stash one day but until then I just think I've got bigger battles on my hands with him than the odd £5 or £10 here and there - not sure if that makes me irresponsible but just trying to keep him happy!

T x

 

[elizabet]

I find it fascinating to read how so many families are experiencing this and also how so many older folk bundle up their money and hide it to keep it safe - I kept finding elastic bands on the floor and then realised that all mum's money was rolled and secured with elastic bands .
Will the generations used to plastic debit and credit cards repeat similar behaviour if they develop dementia in years to come and store money away?