The rudeness of strangers...

queenquackers

Registered User
Oct 2, 2013
19
0
One thing I've noticed a lot when out with my mum is the negative, often downright rude way people act towards her (for instance the people on the tills in shops). I believe this is because she doesn't look like most people's idea of a dementia sufferer (too young for one thing), and so when people do realize something is 'wrong', they don't know how to react. Having worked in retail myself, I know it's not always possible to maintain the patience of a saint when you've a long queue of disgruntled customers to deal with, and the woman currently at the front of the queue can't work out how to get her credit card in the PIN machine, but what they might not realize is that the more frustrated they get, the more agitated and unable to function Mum will become, and while they can just go home and forget about it at the end of the day, Mum will still be convinced she was 'being stupid', long after she's forgotten about the event itself, and take days to get back to her cheerful self.
It's times like these I really miss the supermarket my parents used to use before they moved (in the days before the diagnosis, when we assumed Mum's memory loss was just down to the stress of moving house). The staff there were all very friendly and helpful, and would always talk to my mum like she was human, even on her worst days. Now, no supermarket I know of in the area can be relied upon to provide such outstanding service - most just usher you off to the self-service checkouts (which my mum really can't handle) if you only have a few items.
Does anyone else get this with relatives or friends suffering from EOD? Is it just because they look too young to be a stereotypical 'confused elderly person'? Or is it just society's unwillingness to confront mental illness as a whole? It may well be a combination of both, but I can't help feeling it might be alleviated a bit if my mum had grey hair and wore glasses. Perhaps this just means I'm prejudiced?
:confused:
 

pippop1

Registered User
Apr 8, 2013
498
0
Waitrose

Waitrose, are v polite and staff take especial care in my observation. Not so cheap though.
 

Jaycee23

Registered User
Jan 6, 2011
383
0
uk
I know what you mean. In this day and age when we go shopping its all to do with getting in the shop and getting out as fast as you can. The supermarkets are not concerned with having a nice experience of shopping but to spend as much as you can and once you have done that to get out. I often wonder how we are going to cope when we get to that stage of either developing dementia or just getting plain old forgetful. I think we are all guilty to some extent when we are in the queue and someone is taking a little longer than normal to pay or remember their pin numbers. You get a lot of huffing and puffing in the queues and the eye rolling. Maybe we should all stick together and support one another when we go shopping and take our time and be helpful. The shops may not like it but we have the power if we have the time!!!! This has made me think and I am going to make sure that I have more patience with others.
 

cobden28

Registered User
Jan 31, 2012
442
0
Public lending libraries are introducing a self-service system for taking books out and returning books, too, which I imagine elderly folk or those with dementia would find very confusing.

I don't have dementia, I simply do not like such automated systems and refuse point-blank to use any library that has such a system in place. Unfortuantely it seems to mean that pretty soon I will be unable to use any library operated by Hampshire County Council as automated systems are being introduced everywhere, it seems :( .
 

optocarol

Registered User
Nov 23, 2011
315
0
Auckland, New Zealand
Where I live (NZ) we have had automated library systems for years. Some people use them, some don't, but I've never seen an assistant be other than kind and helpful to those who don't.
 

Nanak

Registered User
Mar 25, 2010
1,979
0
64
Brisbane Australia
Customer Service seems to have gone downhill in latter years. You can't always blame youngsters either as some more "mature" assistants are no better.
I have often felt like asking them if they think they should be in another job if theirs makes them so unhappy!
Just had a thought.... Most supermarkets/larger shops these days have a wide aisle for strollers/wheelchairs and have a confectionery free aisle for Mums with children so why not an aisle for people who are 'not in a rush' for want of better words?

Kim
 
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sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
0
I agree about Waitrose, they even did my shopping for me when mum refused to walk any more in there one day. And they had patience while she chose what she wanted in their cafe and brought our coffee over etc.
I have found that the vast majority of people are very understanding and increasingly that they have personal experience of someone with dementia. I think things will get better on that score, not worse.
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,034
0
74
Durham
I have always found Sainsburys staff very polite friendly and patient in any branch I have been to, I always say to my daughter they must go on regular customer relationship courses,
 

Brannybob

Registered User
Jun 20, 2013
24
0
UK
My husband saved up his money to by me a Birthday present, he doesn't have a lot because he loses it , but he went to a local store got to the check out and became confused, the people behind him in the queue were so impatient I wouldn't mind but the vast majority where elderly. Because he's young people are so impatient. He left the shop without anything he was so upset.:(
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,541
0
I have to put in a good word for Morrison's. I got "stuck" in an aisle as was in absolute agony. Being Mum and carer you have to keep going. They got me a wheelchair and a lovely young man to push me around and load my car.

They've always been really good and even let me use the disabled bays without a Blue Badge while I was getting back to walking (very slowly and painfully) again.
 

ITBookworm

Registered User
Oct 26, 2011
456
0
Glasgow
FIL (with dementia :() was the impatient one in our case!

He couldn't cope with waiting for anything ! He used to go to the self-service tills in the supermarket because they didn't have a queue. He couldn't even start to work them himself but he had realised that if he stood there 'lost' one of the staff would go and help him (and he would skip any queue at the manned tills :rolleyes:)

Apparently he used to do the same at the doctors (thankfully, from the embarrassment point of view, we didn't see him do it). He couldn't cope with making an appointment and knowing when to go so would turn up and make a fuss until he was seen 'there and then' :eek: :eek:

We couldn't help (book an appointment, take him etc) because we only ever heard about it after it happened.
 

nimbus11

Registered User
Apr 22, 2011
79
0
Hampshire
I think it would be good to get a lapel pin like the marie curie daffodil - to signify either alzeheimers awareness or assistance needed? - something like that would be great. What do you think?
 

CeliaW

Registered User
Jan 29, 2009
5,643
0
Hampshire
One of the.problems for shop assistants on the till is that they are given a quota of items they.must aim to scan (per minute I presume) and in some stores they are given warnings if they don't hit the target x% of the time. :-(
I am sure I have recently read more.detail on it so will post the figures if I find them.
Presumably this is based around the "average" shopper, whoever they are, and won't.really allow for those who need calm and a little more time.

Sent from my GT-I8160 using Talking Point mobile app
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
5,680
0
Midlands
I think it would be good to get a lapel pin like the marie curie daffodil - to signify either alzeheimers awareness or assistance needed? - something like that would be great. What do you think?

A butterfly would be good- Its a symbol that is becoming more associated with dementia , easier for women to wear than men I guess but....
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
In some parts of East Anglian and Scotland we support Alzheimer's soc by wearing a lapel pin representing a forget-me- not, which seems apt.
 

artyfarty

Registered User
Oct 30, 2009
267
0
London
After I read this thread this morning I started wondering if any of the supermarkets have any policies or training for staff when they might be serving customers with dementia (or any other vulnerable person for that matter). I did look at their charters and policies online but couldn't find anything.

Just to see what they said, I emailed Sainsbury's and Tesco. No answer as yet but I'll let you know if I hear anything from them.