Not Eating

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
Just recently I saw a lady at my mother's Ch being badgered and pestered to eat when she clearly didn't want it. This poor lady is in an even worse state than my mother, which is saying something, is very elderly and has gone downhill very fast in the past few months. The Ch is very good and the carer who was trying to get her to eat is lovely,,but as I watched I couldn't help thinking it was bordering on cruelty - however well meant - to badger her like that. The poor lady no longer has intelligible speech so is unable to say, as we would, please, just leave me alone! I really, really don't want it! All she could do was to keep crying and whimpering and turning her head away, but still the carer persisted.

If that were my mother, I would not allow them to do this. I would say, by all means offer, but if she doesn't want it then please allow her that choice.

I know the CH staff feel that it comes under their duty of care to get someone to eat, and often this is all well and good, but sometimes I do think it goes too far.
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
my mother is at home with 4 visits from carers a day..she will only drink hot chocolate with full fat milk all day and have tomato soup for meals...this has been so for a while and the carers keep ringing me to tell me she isnt eating....they know I know and the dr knows but I feel so pressured and like its me that should fix it, I weigh her every visit and it is not going down drastically......so I have told everyone to support her in what she does want to eat/drink and keep her comfortable at home, no hospital and they keep asking if I want them to call the dr as she didnt want to get dressed and stayed in bed all day, I called him in on Tueseday... but I have said let her be in bed if she wants. she is tired but not in any pain...but I feel I am seen as callous and I also am on my own...I am going to see her today and worrying I will cry on the train or in front of the carer, when Ineed to stay strong untill I get home... not sleeping well last night doesnt help...what a fool!!!

To be honest, meme, if that were my mum I'd let her have what she wants and stay in bed, too, if that's where she's comfortable. When someone's old and tired and not bothered about food I really don't think it's very kind to keep badgering and pestering them 'for their own good'. You don't seem in the least callous to me. In any case I'd have thought a lot of hot choc with full fat milk plus tomato soup would provide quite a few calories.
 

jellied

Registered User
Oct 10, 2011
3
0
Problem here- mother not eating a great deal over the last 2 weeks but still drinking, but last few days simply not fussed and will not open her mouth to get any more than a few spoons down her. various ideas tried and worried about her not getting her pills down her plus all the other effects.

matters taken out of hands when she a had a stroke and is now in hospital and on a drip but no idea what next stage could be - feeding tubes ? I know these are an option for some conditions but can't see it working for her at her current stage.

help!
 

meme

Registered User
Aug 29, 2011
1,953
0
London
my mother is not eating and hardly drinking now other than water...her cough is terrible and is worse after 2 lots of antibiotics..I think she may have lung cancer....she says she is not in any pain but the constant coughing upsets me for her...I have called for a gp visit today...dont know who it will be which is a worry ...I am worried about her ending up in hospital and force feeding/tube too...I keep saying no intervention and hope we (her and me) are heard at all stops
 
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PeggySmith

Registered User
Apr 16, 2012
1,687
0
BANES
MIL in nursing home has pretty much stopped eating over the last week or so - I think it's a UTI as her hand is shaking and she's "doing that thing with her mouth" (My SIL would know exactly what I mean). She also appears to be very uncomfortable, but can't say where she hurts or even if she does have any pain.

The nurse made her some Complan this morning and she complained that it tasted disgusting (no it didn't, I tried some) and only managed about half of it with a lot of coaxing.

Yes, they're going to try and get a urine sample.
 

CAW

Registered User
Mar 4, 2008
27
0
Worcs
I have been through the full 'eating' journey

The eating problem is a major concern, I fully understand. My Mom seemed to enjoy drinks such as fortisip, for quite a time. You can get many different flavours to try to find the most acceptable (mom loved the chocolate one!). I was buying these myself initially, but after a while, the care home started to provide them. My thoughts are with you on this journey.
 

meme

Registered User
Aug 29, 2011
1,953
0
London
my mother is still just drinking water..she is in bed and manages to use the phone to call me all through the day till she goes to sleep around 6pm when I am not with her.., ...I am going to see her with my 22yr old son tomorow, he has not seen her for a couple of years ,the selfishness of youth, but he has stepped up now and I am so glad...she asked me when I was with her on Monday was she dying..I said "I think so" she said "c'est la vie" she is amazing so weak now but such a strong strong woman...she keeps saying "I don't know if I'm coming or going"!!!
 
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Welsh Colleen

Registered User
Mar 23, 2009
13
0
Wales
Having coped with my Mum and now my husband with dementias. I also teach dementia awareness. It is really hard to try to encourage people with dementias to eat at times. Colourful plates can help, smaller helpings, and try to tempt them by saying things like 'it's your favourite'. Emotions can come into play more than logic.
As it's been said does it matter what it is, if they like it ok. Yes, check mouth health and the problem with dentures is a real issue, as they lose weight dentures no longer fit & then new ones take ages to settle. My hubby is still swoping between two sets!:(
Dementia & AZ can effect different parts of the brain including the part that controls hunger & thirst. So they may not know they are hungry or thirst. You can only do so much, so don't feel bad.
Their tastes change as well. Mum never drank coffee but then would only drink coffee.
Hubby now says he doesn't like foods he's always enjoyed, and no, it's not just my cooking;)
I hope this helps a little. You are all doing what you can. This condition is so complex and challenging on a day to day or even hour to hour basis.
 

little shettie

Registered User
Nov 10, 2009
221
0
My mum is the same but, she will eat some cake, biscuits and loves chocolates. I bought her a huge box of Thorntons and she ate half in one sitting!! Despite me trying her with healthy meals, fruit etc, Ive now resigned myself to letting her eat what she wants. As long as she gets something inside her, at 92 years old, does it really matter? I think not. As long as she's stopped wasting away, that's all I care about.
 

Hibni

Registered User
Sep 16, 2013
46
0
At the beginning of 2011 my mother didn't want to eat and I also noticed memory problems (She was diagnosed with mild Alzheimer's later in the year.) It was rather a long shot, but her GP treated her for depression. She has a mild anti-depressant and the results were remarkable. Within a few days she got her appetite back and has been eating well ever since.
 

TALREGRER

Registered User
Mar 13, 2013
2
0
Mr mum is in CH and eating very little has lost nearly 2 stone in the last month or so, they say they try to help but she sometimes gets stroppy and pushes them away. I went in yesterday and tried to help but she wouldn't eat more than a few mouthfuls (can't say I blame her it was all pureed and looked horrible) I had taken in some trifles which she used to love but only had a couple of spoons then no more. She has generally gone down hill very quickly lately.

Question is been at CH for 5 months now took a while to settle but seems to be ok now, her Dr thinks she will be better off in a NH as will get more help with eating and has said wants to move her. I am a bit wary about another move as thinking might make her decline more but if she keeps up like she is wont last long with no food in her anyway. Have no experience of NH are they better able to get people to eat? Not even sure SS will sanction move to NH as her mobility is not too bad.

Would appreciate anyone's thoughts I don't know what to do except keep taking in bits of food when I go to try and tempt her.

Hi I have my mother in the same situation with not eating and she is now only 6 stone 5. although she is not in a CH as I am caring for her. She had recently been admitted to hospital with not eating and I have been in communication with a dietician who has been very helpful. We have got mom Fortisp drinks which I believe are 300 calories per drink and she really enjoys them, this may help your mom, is this something she maybe already having in the CH? If not its a good idea, they do different flavours and if it was not for these my mom would be having next to nothing. I try her with a little bowl of grapes, tangerines, so she can have a little pick at in her own time too. Mom may also sometimes have a little Ambrosia custard warmed up in micro. Don't make an issue of her not eating too, I think this can make things worse. I have stopped saying "come on mom eat some more" Just trying little and often as stated by dietician.

Not sure about the move but wish you and your mom well.
 

Austinsmum

Registered User
Oct 7, 2012
303
0
Melton Mowbray
I was idly stalking this thread because I have nothing else to do :rolleyes: ha ha. And it occurred to me that quite a large ratio of the posters are very new to TP. Interesting that this particular thread has attracted so much attention from the newbies - and brill that the newbies have grasped the concept of the site so well. Heartwarming to know more people are helping and being helped. :)
 

golfio26

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
34
0
Refusing food

Just thought I'd look at todays comments & there is always one I can identify/sympathise with, SIL in CH now will not eat lunch. She has breakfast & late tea but refuses lunchtime food. I have tried sitting with her at lunch to eat something but she firmly refuses. Care staff are aware that dementia patients can " opt out" of eating & this becomes a habit too easily, she has lost a stone in last few weeks, so she is being given extra fortified drinks,complan type, which she only takes half.It is a great worry watching her lose weight. I aso think that the Respiridone she is prescribed is taking its toll. All the websites I have looked at say this drug should not be given to dementia patients, any views please?
 

Pussy galore

Registered User
Sep 17, 2013
3
0
Essex
Very useful to read all the comments about eating and drinking problems. This has just started to become a problem with my mum. She has been seeing a cardio nurse recently due to heart problems and needs a blood test before she goes for her appointment. The last one was unsuccessful because she was so dehydrated so tomorrow I've got to encourage her to drink 3 glasses of water within 2 hours and then take her for another blood test. I'm dreading it!
 

Urchy123

Registered User
Aug 27, 2013
0
0
Bristol
My father is the same, he suffers with vascular dementia and dysphagia (swallowing difficulties). I was at my wits end preparing meals, which he would not eat, also my weight shot up as I ended up eating his leftovers!

Then I started to give him calorie / nutrient enriched drinks. He has a daily combination of Complan, Dunn's River and Pro-Cal Shot (GP prescribed). With all the drinks he is getting around 1500 calories a day from the drinks, which given his sedentary lifestyle isn't too bad. I will mix the Complan with the Dunn's River as thickens it. Thankfully, dad really likes these drinks, he has them in banana, strawberry and chocolate flavour.

He manages a bowl of cereal in the morning and plenty of enriched drinks throughout the day. At dinner time he may have a small smooth peanut butter sandwich (providing the crusts are removed, and the sandwich cut up like small soldiers. I no longer fret if he does not eat the same food as me, as I make sure he has loads to drink.

I asked the GP for a (home visit) referral to the Speech & Language Therapist (SALT) as they may be able to offer further advice. Alas, I am still waiting to hear from SALT, but it has only been a couple of weeks.

I hope everything works out okay with you.

Best wishes

Nick
 
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Mamsgirl

Registered User
Jun 2, 2013
635
0
Melbourne, Australia
I was idly stalking this thread because I have nothing else to do :rolleyes: ha ha. And it occurred to me that quite a large ratio of the posters are very new to TP. Interesting that this particular thread has attracted so much attention from the newbies - and brill that the newbies have grasped the concept of the site so well. Heartwarming to know more people are helping and being helped. :)

Snap! My thoughts exactly about the new members AM, but quite a number have only posted a couple of times and seem to have stopped. Hoping they've got what they needed for now...
 

spurs50

Registered User
Nov 11, 2012
16
0
My mum has days when she doesn't want to eat and has lost weight. We were advised to add grated cheese to her food and this has helped. Also pouring yoghurt and cream on porridge helps her to swallow it as it is so soft and sweet. She loves sweet food. Drinking can be a problem at times as she will put her tongue over the straw. I have always found humour works as I tell her I want to hear the noise when she gets to the end of the drink and I make the sound. She is 93 and has had Alzeihmer's for about 9 years. Another though when food is puréed then keep each different food separate so the meal looks appetising. I use frozen mini meals from Oakhouse and add cheese to them. Hope this helps.
 

gingernut45

Registered User
Mar 7, 2013
29
0
Cambrigeshire
Just thought I'd look at todays comments & there is always one I can identify/sympathise with, SIL in CH now will not eat lunch. She has breakfast & late tea but refuses lunchtime food. I have tried sitting with her at lunch to eat something but she firmly refuses. Care staff are aware that dementia patients can " opt out" of eating & this becomes a habit too easily, she has lost a stone in last few weeks, so she is being given extra fortified drinks,complan type, which she only takes half.It is a great worry watching her lose weight. I aso think that the Respiridone she is prescribed is taking its toll. All the websites I have looked at say this drug should not be given to dementia patients, any views please?

I've seen the websites about Respiridone too as my hubby takes 1/2 tablet a day. GP prescribed it after a delusion about me that affected my daughter in January and I fell off my 'rope', after talking to CPN. GP says benefits of Respiridone outweighs risks of drug. Hubby says it helps keep his head under control. If delusions and hallucinations are under control with it, are you happy with SIL taking it?
As for eating, he still eats a mid-day meal, something at 4ish sometimes a cheese sandwich or a pot of rice, or a burger meal if we go to McD's or BK. I've given up asking about breakfast as he always says no, but he never has been a breakfast person because of his jobs-driving, farm work in Kent, Navy etc. Just had Tea with sugar.
 

Ovaria

Registered User
Sep 21, 2012
2
0
Try grapes and orange juice

I am looking after my 87 year old mum and 92 year old dad. I share many of the experiences that people are writing about, my mum going rapidly downhill in a care home and dramatic weight loss. My mum has dementia and in January this year we brought my mum home from hospital after she was sent there by the care home that she was in. She wasn't eating in hospital and I kept her going with red grapes and orange juice. Her appetite picked up and she eats small amounts of a wide variety of things. When she doesn't feel like eating food she will always eat grapes.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
I had the same problem a few years ago when my mixed dementia husband refused to eat. It started when I had sciatica and was on bed rest for a few days; hence unable to cook. Once I was able to get up, he would only eat fresh orange juice and high cocoa chocolate. Not exactly a balanced diet, but it was something. I and gp tried various drinks, but they were all 'horrible'. After he had dropped to 7 stone (6ft tall) I thought that this was the end. However, his mindset changed and he started to want to eat again. Only problem was, he couldn't ! His stomach had shrunk and couldn't take any volume of food. Slowly, carefully he got back to normal! It can be done!
However, he is now, once again, eating very little and has started to lose weight.
One thing I have noticed I that he eat better if we go out for a meal! Afraid I can't afford todo that every day. Also complicated by the fact that I have sciatica again ato the moment and movement is quite restricted, though it is getting better.