Mmmm. Acceptance versus Surrender? Acceptance is the deep duvet that takes our long fall. Surrender is the duvet that suffocates us.
(I b%oo&y despise dementia).
Twiddler.
(I b%oo&y despise dementia).
Twiddler.
Acceptance?
- Thread starter gringo
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Gringo if I reply it is because your post has caught my interest not that I'm bored.
Hi, grumpy old git, you're doing fine
Refusing to toe the party line.
You love, you care, though on the brink
And always give us pause to think.
xxxxx
I agree with Gwen. When my grandson was diagnosed with Downs Syndrome at 6 weeks old, people said to my daughter she must ask herself "Why me?".
Her reply was "Why not me"? She was 29, older than Gwen but a young age to have to learn that this is life and, struggle though you might, you have to get on with it.
Is that acceptance? I guess it must be but that doesn't mean you just sit back and do nothing about it. You do the very best you can to make life a good as it can be. Just like my daughter, like Gwen and like the countless other people , many of whom are here on TP, often in despair but struggling every day to make that happen for both themselves and the people they love.
I disagree, absolutely. Accepting the reality does not mean we give up the fight.
Acceptance is facing facts. Then doing something about it.
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With respect Garnuft, you do not know what cards I have been dealt during the 60 to 70 years of my adult life, prior to appearing on TP., so you aren’t really in a position to make a judgement call on how lucky I may be.
I like to think of myself as the frog (a grumpy frog) in Aesop’s fable of the frog in the milk pail.
Hello Hazel,
I’ve been on the point of contacting you. Lost my nerve!
Like the verse.
Sorry GG. Life is not going according to plan at the moment, and I’m having a 'poor me' moment. I shouldn’t have been so quick.
It’s not the first time though is it!
I feel a lot stronger than that.
As it was my comment rather than Gwen's that you quoted Gringo, I feel the need to elucidate that comment somewhat. In saying I agreed with what Gwen had said, I did not mean it meant it as a personal judgement on you and your life. It was just when we are young, if we are lucky and I know not everyone is, we expect life to treat us fairly but as we go through life, we learn that it seldom does so. It is a hard lesson learnt at any time but especially so when still young.
I was originally writing to say that I agreed with Sylvia about accepting what has happened to our husbands but saw Gwen's post and I felt in tune with that too. Both posts spoke of accepting the blows that life deals us and then dealing with what has to be dealt with.
What is the alternative? Without acceptance how can we use our energies to ensure that the care our relatives receive is the best we can find? How can we fight against the injustice meted out by the authorities if we are still fighting against accepting this disease.
I also feel for the sufferers. How much harder for them to find acceptance, than for us.
I hope you are able find some peace Gringo.
Can I go further here and say I think some people fight life for the whole of their lives. This means they fight whatever is unsatisfactory or whatever is imperfect.
A good example of this (I think) is Tolstoy. He died at a railway station when he was well into his 80's. He was running away from his wife. She was not allowed into the waiting room where he died.
A good example of this (I think) is Tolstoy. He died at a railway station when he was well into his 80's. He was running away from his wife. She was not allowed into the waiting room where he died.
I think they do - but accepting something doesn't mean giving in. Perhaps I am seeing things wrongly here but if you can't accept what has happened in life, I can't see how you can fight it. omho of course!
Whatever happened to you in your life....it led to you to still being here in your mid 80's, with a bag full of marbles, pretty darn lucky don't you think?
I hope I learnt my lessons sooner than some, to count my blessings, to enjoy and make the most of what I have and that I can thrash around in the bucket as much as I like....I'll never make butter.
I'm absolutely exhausted, heart and head weary but not down and out.
My old school friend's husband was killed on his motorbike on a sunny afternoon this summer, she is 53. He went out and won't come home anymore.
She is unlucky but not as unlucky as him.
My nieces's schoolfriend died at 21 from Melanoma....pretty unlucky......
I could go on and on and on about the reasons to be cheerful but it won't make a blind bit of difference.
So, I'm a frog that can't make butter but has learnt not to give a scorpion a piggy-back....
XXX
I hope I learnt my lessons sooner than some, to count my blessings, to enjoy and make the most of what I have and that I can thrash around in the bucket as much as I like....I'll never make butter.
I'm absolutely exhausted, heart and head weary but not down and out.
My old school friend's husband was killed on his motorbike on a sunny afternoon this summer, she is 53. He went out and won't come home anymore.
She is unlucky but not as unlucky as him.
My nieces's schoolfriend died at 21 from Melanoma....pretty unlucky......
I could go on and on and on about the reasons to be cheerful but it won't make a blind bit of difference.
So, I'm a frog that can't make butter but has learnt not to give a scorpion a piggy-back....
XXX
No Gringo, now that is giving in. We can't change what happens in life but we can change what we do about it - that is just what I think.
You are as entitled to your opinion as anyone else.
You are as entitled to your opinion as anyone else.
Acceptance.
I have read and sympathise with so many others struggling against this awful disease. It is one of massive proportions and seems bigger than society itself. I think at every stage, This is where we are at. We share an insoluble problem, to which we each find what comfort we can. But reading the "The request" by Owen Darnell make me wonder if I am good enough. So frustrating.
I have read and sympathise with so many others struggling against this awful disease. It is one of massive proportions and seems bigger than society itself. I think at every stage, This is where we are at. We share an insoluble problem, to which we each find what comfort we can. But reading the "The request" by Owen Darnell make me wonder if I am good enough. So frustrating.
It seems that because I’m still here, in my mid-80’s with a bag of marbles(?), I’m pretty darn lucky.
Most mornings I wake up and find if it’s not hurting it’s not working. One hip replaced, the other one now needing to be replaced, I sometimes feel that old age is more of a punishment than a pleasure, with or without bags of marbles.
However, it is inferred, I should learn to count my blessings.
But what exactly are blessings? It’s a shame, but I think we must disregard groups of unicorns. ‘A thing one is glad of’ seems to be as good definition as any. The list of things I’m glad about just now is as long as my ✶✶✶✶. We’re talking about a very short list.
Yesterday, I took my wife for a run in the country. Beautiful weather, bowling along, (my bag of marbles on the back seat - can’t travel without them!). My wife singing endlessly the chorus of Clementine. A bit monotonous, but so lovely to hear her singing at all. An enjoyable day. Slowly, though, it started to become obvious that all was not well. Sure enough, my wife stopped singing and asked where all this nasty smelly stuff was coming from.
A detached colostomy bag is bad news at any time, at 60mph. in heavy traffic there is an added dimension of panic. Why is there is never a lay-by when you really need one? Increasing levels of hysteria in the car, equally shared between the two of us. Finally, thank God, (My agnosticism went into temporary abeyance), a lay-by.
I’ve heard it said that a little can go a long way. Well, I can tell you that a lot can go further than you could possibly imagine. With a bathroom adjacent this would still be a challenge, in a lay-by with no facilities, it presented problems with solutions you don’t really want to think too deeply about. But an old dog finds he can learn new tricks. At this point my partner decided it wasn’t her problem, because the stoma wasn’t hers, and, therefore, refused to co-operate. As a coping mechanism, it worked fine for her, but it wasn’t one that I could adopt. I also found that my bag of marbles wasn’t of great use in this kind of situation.
This is all evidence of God’s great love for us (who He loveth He chastiseth).
The material problem was the least of it. Much more important, longer lasting and more difficult to deal with, was the effect on my wife’s state of mind.
In retrospect, not as bad a situation as many of our members face on a daily basis, but still one that leaves it’s mark and makes you a little impatient of people telling you to count your blessings. Even if that would be a good idea.
Most mornings I wake up and find if it’s not hurting it’s not working. One hip replaced, the other one now needing to be replaced, I sometimes feel that old age is more of a punishment than a pleasure, with or without bags of marbles.
However, it is inferred, I should learn to count my blessings.
But what exactly are blessings? It’s a shame, but I think we must disregard groups of unicorns. ‘A thing one is glad of’ seems to be as good definition as any. The list of things I’m glad about just now is as long as my ✶✶✶✶. We’re talking about a very short list.
Yesterday, I took my wife for a run in the country. Beautiful weather, bowling along, (my bag of marbles on the back seat - can’t travel without them!). My wife singing endlessly the chorus of Clementine. A bit monotonous, but so lovely to hear her singing at all. An enjoyable day. Slowly, though, it started to become obvious that all was not well. Sure enough, my wife stopped singing and asked where all this nasty smelly stuff was coming from.
A detached colostomy bag is bad news at any time, at 60mph. in heavy traffic there is an added dimension of panic. Why is there is never a lay-by when you really need one? Increasing levels of hysteria in the car, equally shared between the two of us. Finally, thank God, (My agnosticism went into temporary abeyance), a lay-by.
I’ve heard it said that a little can go a long way. Well, I can tell you that a lot can go further than you could possibly imagine. With a bathroom adjacent this would still be a challenge, in a lay-by with no facilities, it presented problems with solutions you don’t really want to think too deeply about. But an old dog finds he can learn new tricks. At this point my partner decided it wasn’t her problem, because the stoma wasn’t hers, and, therefore, refused to co-operate. As a coping mechanism, it worked fine for her, but it wasn’t one that I could adopt. I also found that my bag of marbles wasn’t of great use in this kind of situation.
This is all evidence of God’s great love for us (who He loveth He chastiseth).
The material problem was the least of it. Much more important, longer lasting and more difficult to deal with, was the effect on my wife’s state of mind.
In retrospect, not as bad a situation as many of our members face on a daily basis, but still one that leaves it’s mark and makes you a little impatient of people telling you to count your blessings. Even if that would be a good idea.
Sorry gringo.
I would;
a] love to be able to drive
b] have a car
c] be able to take agoraphobic Dhiren out for a drive in the countryside.
No one is telling you how to feel. At least I hope not. I think most of us are telling you how we cope. It`s discussion rather than instruction
I would;
a] love to be able to drive
b] have a car
c] be able to take agoraphobic Dhiren out for a drive in the countryside.
No one is telling you how to feel. At least I hope not. I think most of us are telling you how we cope. It`s discussion rather than instruction
Gringo, I wouldn't want your blessings (or the task of cleaning and refreshing your car) for all the tea in China.
I think that you know that these words are sent with love.
Twiddler x
I think that you know that these words are sent with love.
Twiddler x
Kassy, I know you were speaking to Gringo, but I was so sad to read your post, I too sometimes feel hurt by some comments made when I post my thoughts and it is wrong that we should feel this way. I try to ignore those comments,hard though it is sometimes,butknow that other comments are so helpful and the support people give on here, I feel outweighs the stuff that makes me sad, so I will continue posting when I need to let off steam or need support or advise and really hope you will too. I hate to think that people on here feel let down or dare I say it bullied, perhaps that is too strong a word I dont know. Sending you hugs(()) we are all walking the same painful path xx
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