Sitting with father now

tarababe

Registered User
Sep 9, 2012
192
0
Durham
Lizzie I am thinking of you and wishing you strength to see this difficult time through with your dear father. He must be so proud of you and the fact you are with him I'm sure brings him great comfort and peace. :)
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,992
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Dundee
Thinking of you too Lizzie. I hope your father finds peace soon. Wishing you much strength.
 

grobertson62

Registered User
Mar 7, 2011
581
0
Sheffield
Thinking of you and dad. In times to come you will look back on this time and be grateful you were there
A few months ago i was where you are now and am thankful we had the time with dad. The opportunity to tell him he was and is loved. To tell him it was ok to let go with our blessing.
There was a peace in the midst of it all. I pray you too will find the peace
Gill
 

LizzieT

Registered User
Apr 10, 2013
53
0
Father was not expected to last the weekend, and yet somehow he is still with us.

Out of nowhere this afternoon he opened his eyes and said hello. He then told us what a lovely life he had had. I have not know him like this for a long time.

It is the strangest feeling, having said goodbye to someone and then for them to come back to you a little.

It is a strange calm time, but truly he is clinging on to this life.

I am comforted greatly by your understanding.

Lizzie
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,703
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Wiltshire
Lizzie,

If you feel that your dad is clinging to life then there is normally a reason, Maybe he needs to know that you will be fine and that your husband will look after you, for example. Where there is a strong bond like you have with your dad, often it is like they need to be given permission to leave.

Just something for you to consider...

Fiona
 

SisterAct

Registered User
Jul 5, 2011
2,255
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71
Liverpool, Merseyside
Hi Lizzie
You are doing everything exactly right. We were in a similar position with Dad this year and we were blessed to be with him to the end.

He too refused food and drink but always took the hugs, his music, us chattering away and even dancing with him (he was bed bound but we held his hand). We couldn't of wished for a better final goodbye.

His community matron said that his refusal to eat and drink would be the hardest thing for us but it was his decision not ours. We used the mouth swabs, a mouth spray and one of his favourites, Vaseline on his lips (he always used it!).

Just treasure the time you have now with your Dad as he will with you, his beautiful caring daughter.

Luv
Polly x
 

LizzieT

Registered User
Apr 10, 2013
53
0
Thank you for your kind words and advice. My brother whom he rarely sees- usual story arrived yesterday evening. I think father may have been waiting to see him.

The carers think this rally is temporary, but it is so strange and really hard to take.

We are making the most of every moment we can, but I am not ashamed to say that I hope this torment is over soon. It has been a long long time since I had any peace.

Lizzie
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
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North East England
I know things are really tough for you during this time, but how wonderful that your dad was able to tell you he'd had a good life. Trying to reassure you, even now. What a lovely dad. Thinking of you xx
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,731
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South
your dad sounds like a diamond and I bet you can feel the love there. It will help you get through this difficult time and you will be glad that you spent so much time with him, despite the circumstances. Wishing you a peaceful time with him.
 

LizzieT

Registered User
Apr 10, 2013
53
0
Well I am still here - actually I have given myself a couple of hours off to feed my family, but generally I have been with father for most of every day.

My brother has gone home, but was really helpful, which was a nice surprise.

Pa seems to be surviving on 3 teaspoons of food or drink every 2 days. We aren't sure how, and he really does seem to be at the end now. He is praying and saying that he has seen his father, who died in 1956.

I find that comforting, but he is such a shadow, and I am filled with dread about how I am going to manage afterwards.

I have given him reassurance that all will be fine, and it is fine to let go, but I can't help but feel that he is waiting for my next visit. Hard to visit, hard not to. I have no regrets about the decisions I made about his care, but I really don't want to get this last bit wrong.

I think a small sherry may be needed to counterbalance all the tea and tears.

Lizzie
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,703
0
Wiltshire
Hiya Lizzie,

Your dad really is a marvel isn't he. Glad your brother's visit went well. You are doing everything right. There is no wrong for you to do. Your being there with your dad will be very much appreciated by him. You're a gem!

Fiona
 

dizzywizzy

Registered User
Mar 23, 2012
143
0
Glad your brother was helpful and spent time with you both. Your Dad is real fighter isn't he? Good that you are getting a break and I hope things stay peaceful and calm. Thinking of you x
 

LizzieT

Registered User
Apr 10, 2013
53
0
We are both still here, but father can't manage any liquids, thickened or otherwise without great pain and distress so no one is going to try any more.

I am not sure I am mentally or physically strong enough to stay through the night, but we will take it one step at a time.

Poor pa.

Lizzie