How long can this go on for?

[min88cat]

MIL is now unable to eat or drink due to having lost her swallowing reflex since yesterday.

The doctor has visited today and prescribed painkiller patches as she can no longer take liquid paracetamol, she has also left a prescription at the Nursing Home for morphine to be used when needed.

Hubbie asked how long she thought his Mum had, And she said it would be a matter of weeks and to spend as much time as we could with her.

How on earth can someone survive weeks without water?

 

[Butter]

I am so sorry. I don't know how the body works, so I cannot explain it. But when I asked the same question, I was told my mother might die in 24 hours or in 22 days. That was the longest the carehome manager had known someone survive with nothing.

It is good you have the morphine - I had to keep demanding it and make a big fuss. It made all the difference as my mother became comfortable and free of stress for the first time for years.

 

[grobertson62]

My dad was 3 days without anything but he had morphine. The home made sure he wasnt in pain
We used mouth swabs with cola and he made an attempt to suck the first couple of days. Hope you mil is comfortable
GILL

 

[Sunbell]

Hello min88cat,

So sorry to hear your mum-in-law is so ill, I hope dearly that she is comfortable. My thoughts are with you, as you know I am experiencing the same with my dear mum.

Like you, I ask how long can this go on but there is no answer.

Big hugs to you and keep strong, I am thinking of you and your family.

Love Sunbell xx

 

[FifiMo]

What you will find is that the body starts to react to protect the vital organs. It will conserve energy and draw on the fluid in the body. So you will find that the balance between waking and sleeping will change with more and more time asleep. You will find that urine output reduces. You might find that the body tries to protect the liver by surrounding it in fluid. On the food side when food is not taken at all, keep your eye open for pain, especially from cramping or excessive wind (they may, for example, draw the knees up towards the chest) and get the staff to use the pain medication. Also use Chapstick to stop the lips cracking as this can be extremely painful.

In my personal experience doctors are always conservative when they predict how long someone might last. In nearly all cases it has been half what people were told. I only mention this because people have delayed spending time with the person thinking they have a month left only to find they get the phone call after just 2 weeks. Unfortunately this is a one way street and there are no second chances to do something differently, so make sure that everyone is comfortable with how they choose to deal with things.

Hope this helps,

Fiona

 

[Mamsgirl]

It's so hard to know what to do because you're not asking about time remaining so much as "how long can their body cope with this much morphine? Do I let my heart start breaking yet? Is it too soon to be frightened? Should someone be here at all times yet? Do I call family in? Do I go to work/on holiday/to the dentist?

There are of course no answers, well only in retrospect. Perhaps the most useful thing to decide is whether it's acceptable for Mil to pass away without family present. If the answer's no then some arrangements/accommodations that are robust enough to stay the course probably need to be put in place very soon.

My father lived two weeks longer than anyone expected ,my stepfather died within six hours of the director of nursing telling me SF was in the last week or days, but was definitely not about to go....

An excruciating time, and I'll be thinking of you, your husband and your poor Mil.

Sending hugs and wishes for strength,
Toni x

 

[min88cat]

Thanks very much everyone.

Well against all odds MIL started eating again yesterday evening, not a lot, but more than we thought she was capable of. What a bl**dy awful rollercoaster this is! Reading between the lines, from what the docs have said, this won't make much difference to the prognosis. They are mixing and matching drugs at the moment to get the right 'cocktail' to keep her comfortable and not agitated, without completely knocking her out.

U fortunately hubbie is the only one of his siblings who has ever taken any interest in his Mum. Sister lives a distance away, and has visited her Mum once in 2 years. Brother pushed off to a other county when his mum went into the NH. He hasn't visited once.

So it's down to hubbie and me- looks like our holiday is out the window (it's been booked since Feb). I don't mind, we can always organise another one - I just wish the end would be quick for her sake, she has no quality of life whatsoever...

 

[angelface]

In my aunts case it was 4 days without drinking.

You must be going through an awful time. Sending love and support.

Gx

 

[Mamsgirl]

Would never get on a roller coaster, they frighten me witless so it's the perfect analogy for this stage. It's exhausting, isn't it? Every "this could be it" time means lots of adrenaline using up energy you can't really spare, and leaving you with the post adrenaline dump to deal with as well.

My stepfather ate until the last two days, only enough to feed a sparrow, but he was determined to wring every second out of his time on this earth and in a more lucid moment told us that was why he kept trying to eat. I ache now to write that but at the time felt much like you do now.

In another parallel, everyone else in the family felt their visits were a bonus and weren't remotely troubled by a sense of family obligation. Makes it harder, but not within your control. I too cancelled my first overseas holiday in twenty years to be with my SF, a family reunion in Ireland. Tough decision at the time (only in terms of wanting to go, not whether it was the only option), but the right one for me then and now.

Stay strong and concentrate energy by culling everything not strictly essential to sanity, nutrition and hygiene.

Toni x

 

[min88cat]

After the awful fraught weekend with the sudden death of my Uncle, and having to tell his wife who has Vas Dem and is in the last stages, that he had passed, it's back to visiting MIL also in the last stages of Mixed dementia.

She has now stopped eating, and is hardly drinking. She looked so frail today, pale and drawn and her eyes were opaque and blank. I don't think she has long left. They have her meds at the right level and she is calm thank goodness. I just hope she doesn't longer too long........

I just feel surrounded by death, it's not a nice place to be.

 

[Noorza]

I don't know if this will be comforting but I hope so. I had kidney failure after childbirth, and they thought I was going to die, they were going to amputate 2 of my fingers as I had swelled so badly the rings were making my fingers blue. I had full blown eclampsia, they gave me morphine every few hours, I don't know how often time was lost to me.

The morphine made me feel euphoric, they could have amputated my fingers I would not have cared.

So long as your loved one is kept happy, kept out of pain, which can be achieved as I know first hand, then it will take as long as it takes but keeping them relaxed, pain free, unagitated, is really what counts.

Fortunately for me I was young woman, with a new baby, who recovered and to be honest have hardly thought about it since. But having been treated with morphine, I hope that sharing my experience will comfort you knowing I had no fear, no worries, nothing just felt at peace.

Thank goodness I made it clearly so my only advice is for as long or as short as he has left make sure she is comfortable.

 

[tarababe]

I don't know where I read or heard it but apparently when someone stops drinking it's actually not a painful or stressful way to pass. The body seems to send endorphins which help shut of the thirst mechanism in the brain so it's not unpleasant for the person so they don't suffer. That's what I heard so try not to worry about that aspect if I am right.

Try to stay strong and do what you feel is right and you will get some comfort when the time comes. My heart goes out to you, your MIL and husband at this awful time.

 

[CollegeGirl]

Thinking of you min88cat xx

 

[Noorza]

I don't know where I read or heard it but apparently when someone stops drinking it's actually not a painful or stressful way to pass. The body seems to send endorphins which help shut of the thirst mechanism in the brain so it's not unpleasant for the person so they don't suffer. That's what I heard so try not to worry about that aspect if I am right.

Try to stay strong and do what you feel is right and you will get some comfort when the time comes. My heart goes out to you, your MIL and husband at this awful time.

When I was close to passing the thirst was incredible, but I had kidney failure and they could not give me fluids, they put water on cotton wool to my lips which was like heaven.

It is so very hard and each case needs to be treated individually.

 

[Sunbell]

Hello min88cat, sending you big hugs, we are riding this rollercoaster together.

Sunbell xx

 

[LYN T]

Hello Min88cat

I hope your MIL remains pain free and unagitated

What a roller coaster as you say.

Here's a big hug for you

Take care

Lyn T

 

[Katee]

Thank you, Fiona. I've been worried that my mother can go hours without urinating (despite her intake of fluids) but has bouts of incontinence as well. She is sleeping more and more and it's the only time she is at peace. I

What you will find is that the body starts to react to protect the vital organs. It will conserve energy and draw on the fluid in the body. So you will find that the balance between waking and sleeping will change with more and more time asleep. You will find that urine output reduces. You might find that the body tries to protect the liver by surrounding it in fluid. On the food side when food is not taken at all, keep your eye open for pain, especially from cramping or excessive wind (they may, for example, draw the knees up towards the chest) and get the staff to use the pain medication. Also use Chapstick to stop the lips cracking as this can be extremely painful.

In my personal experience doctors are always conservative when they predict how long someone might last. In nearly all cases it has been half what people were told. I only mention this because people have delayed spending time with the person thinking they have a month left only to find they get the phone call after just 2 weeks. Unfortunately this is a one way street and there are no second chances to do something differently, so make sure that everyone is comfortable with how they choose to deal with things.

Hope this helps,

Fiona

 

[min88cat]

Well MIL is still with us, goodness knows how. Today she keep saying "please" the first word she has spoken and that we could understand for weeks, although she still has
her eyes shut. Hubbie gave her some thickened juice and she drifted back off to sleep again. She is now on morphine patches.

How on earth is she managing to still be here? Surely to god she cannot continue for much longer.........

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Hi mincat, these vigils are emotionally exhausting. My dad survived 7 weeks with very little food, and the final 6 days without any fluids. He slept most of the final couple of weeks which was a blessing. It seems everything is being done to keep your MIL comfortable and I hope you and hubby are getting some rest too.

What a shame about the rest of her family, but that's something they will have to live with, you are doing something wonderful. I spent virtually every day of his final 7 weeks with Dad, 4 weeks in hospital and 3 in a nursing home, and I regard it as the most precious time and a real salve to my aching heart now he's gone.

As utterly draining as it is, I think it such a privilege to be a part of someone's journey from this earth. I wish you and hubby much strength and endurance and your MIL peace and comfort.

Stephanie, xxx

 

[Sunbell]

Hi Min88cat,

So sad to hear about your MIL still suffering. I know exactly what you and your husband are going through and I empathise with you. It is unbelievable where the strength to carry on comes from isn't it. I really hope she has a pain free passing.

Sending you hugs and support, keep strong.

Love Sunbell xx