Sitting with father now

[LizzieT]

My darling father is nearing the end and I am with him as much as I can be. He was talking yesterday, albeit nonsense, but seemed to respond to me occasionally.

He has eaten or drunk almost nothing for a week, but still manages to make his feelings known if he doesn't like something. He squeezed the hand a carer this morning who was trying to give him breakfast.

Anyway, my question is, dear friends, should I stop trying to give him anything as he do clearly doesn't want it? He appears to have a swallowing reflex, and is obviously thirsty but no one is having any success.

It is so hard to give up on him. I remember so well how difficult he was six months ago. What I wouldn't give to have him like that now.

Thanks lizzie

 

[janma221]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad and wish I could offer advice but can only send virtual hugs to you at the moment. Please keep us updated on how you are and I'm sure you will do everything right as you follow your instincts.
Big hugs
Jan xxx

 

[rajahh]

could your father suck on an ice lolly, or ice cube if you held it. That at least would moisten his lips. I can well imagine how distressing it is to just sit there and watch.

Jeannette

 

[LizzieT]

Thank for replying so quickly. He can't seem to bear anything near his lips and either pushes us away or wipes at his mouth. Amazing what he can still manage really.

He is asleep now, about 10 breaths per minute. We are listening to classic fm and I am just chuntering on as normal.

I have said all I need to, he knows he is loved, it is just a ghastly time.

Lx

 

[angecmc]

So sorry to hear about your Dad, I think people get to the stage when they know they are ready to go, I wish you all the best and hope your Dad is as comfortable as possible xx

Ange

 

[FifiMo]

Hiya lizzie,

If nothing else, I would continue to offer food or fluids and take the lead from your dad's response. Apart from acknowledging your dad's wishes, you will not look back with lots of questions about whether you should have done something differently. I would however get a Chapstick and keep his lips moist. I would also get someone to check that his mouth is clear and that he doesn't have oral thrush which can be very painful.

You're doing everything you can and is just a matter of time. Spending time with him is all that is needed and he will be comforted by you being there for him.

Fiona

 

[Grannie G]

Hello LizzieT

It must be agony for you and something most of us will have to face at some time so our sympathy and understanding are real.

I would offer liquids but accept a refusal. It`s all you can do really. The main thing is to keep him comfortable. xx

 

[LizzieT]

Thank you. Apparently while I went home to walk the dog he had a drink and some yoghurt which is a small comfort.

It will be his 50 th wedding anniversary on Saturday and I am praying that he will soon join my dear mother.

X

 

[chris53]

Dear Lizzie, my thoughts and all of us on Talking Point are with you may your dear dad and you, find much wanted peace, if this long journey with dementia was not in our lives maybe-just maybe we could accept things, just would love to send you a very big hug and thinking of you.
Chris xx

 

[Izzy]

Thinking of you at this difficult time.

 

[tarababe]

I think all you can do is be guided by him. I think if he wants something he will take it and if not I'm sure he will refuse. The mouth issue is a good idea as thrush seems a common issue and the chap stick is also good as dry lips can be awful.

My heart is with you and you dad. x

 

[grobertson62]

Lizzie
I know first hand how difficult this time is.
To help dad we used the mouth swabs which he didnt like at first until we dipped them in cola
So i dont know if that would work for your dad.
Sending you a hug just know we are all thinking of you both at this difficult time
Gill

 

[Rooley]

I was where you are at the end of may With my mum and it is heartbreaking. I can't really give you any advice but I didnt want to read and run.

Take care of you is all I can offer because you won't fully appreciate how this has affected you until yo have time to sit and reclect on it all. Xx

 

[CeliaW]

Thinking of you and your Dad, I hope he is peaceful and you are coping.

Hugs, take care

Celia

 

[sunray]

I've been there too with Mum. My prayers for a peaceful day for both of you.

Sue.

 

[Saffie]

Thinking of you and hoping that your father remains peaceful. X

 

[LYN T]

Hi Lizzie

I hope you are coping OK, but don't forget to look after yourself as well.

Perhaps you could try giving your Dad a few drops of liquid from a straw? Not for him to suck if he can't but by sucking on the straw yourself, put your finger over the top and let go when you get to your Dad's mouth. The chap stick is a very good idea.

Take care Lizzie

Lyn T

 

[LizzieT]

How kind you all are.
I feel a complete fraud now. For 2 weeks he has hardly eaten or drunk, yet this sfternoon he is replying to questions- also been a long time. Sadly this morning he also had the strength to hit a carer!
I have managed to get two sips of juice into him which is great.
What a roller coaster this is.
Lizzie x

 

[Grannie G]

Not a fraud Lizzie, you are on a rollercoaster and have no control or idea what is happening.

I do hope you are getting some rest. xx

 

[LizzieT]

Yesterday was a happy interlude and we are back down even further I think. He is strangely lucid, but calm and has had a few sips of water.

No one thinks it can be much longer but it is curiously peaceful here.

I am alone here and my dear husband is at work, so forgive me for needing to lean on you all a little.

Father and I used to say that there was nothing that he and I together could not do or get through but gosh this is hard.

Lizzie x