Hi, my first post here.
My Dad has not been diagnosed with anything, and lives at home with my Mum. I moved back in with them last year (doesn't matter why, for some peace and quiet etc) but this will be temporary. Dad is late 70's, Mum is early 70's.
Dad has been going 'downhill' for 3-4 years now, initially it was a short term memory issue (he'd forget a conversation 20 minutes after having it etc), later it became a general cognitive issue (difficulty solving simple problems etc), he also does stuff like puts salad in his soup or wears gumboots into his bedroom. Lately he's become fearful, he sees problems where none exist and panics over them and it's difficult to persuade him that there's nothing to worry about.
So far we (my Mum, me, and my brother who lives nearby) deal with issues at face value as they present themselves, i.e, fix Dad's attempt at 'fixing' something, or repeatedly tell him that the thing he's worrying about doesn't exist. [An example: It's early spring over here, and the firewood shed is getting low although there's enough to last the season. Dad goes into the woodshed every day to bring in some wood for the stove and is the one who burns it. But, this morning he told me the firewood has disappeared. I told him it's gone up the chimney. He insists it's been removed, or been stolen and it's difficult to persuade him otherwise.]
So this brings me to my question. Is there ever any advantage telling someone with dementia (whether that's the correct term for my Dad or not, I'm not sure, either way it's a very significant age-induced reduction in cognition) that that is the real issue? What I'd really like to do is tell my Dad something like this...
"No dad, the firewood has not disappeared, it's been burned this winter by you, and your memory of what should be in the woodshed probably relates to the way it was 5 months ago in autumn. That's because you're nearly 80 and your memory has become very poor, it's a common thing to happen to people as they age. It's sad, but there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it and it's not your fault at all. So in future you should take other people's word for it when they disagree with you on a fact, they'll very likely be right and you'll very likely be wrong."
...or something like that, but I don't know if it's a good idea.
Some other points:-
a) My Dad has pride issues, he believes his Celtic genes are better/stronger than most and will have great difficulty believing that his brain could be degenerating, as it's not what's supposed to happen, it's what happens to other people, not him.
b) My Dad believes health issues are to a very large extent a result of lifestyle choices (he's very wrong, they're mostly genetic and/or random). Hence he would think dementia was his own fault.
Dementia for my Dad is incompatible with both those beliefs, this is in spite of the fact that my Dad's dad had dementia and had forgotten who my Dad was by the age of 78 (Dad went to visit his father overseas at that time and got the "Who are you?" treatment).
My Mum believes that Dad would find if extremely upsetting to be told that he's losing his marbles. It's not something that he would have considered even a remote possibility.
My Mum is coping at the moment, the dramas don't happen all the time, but it is getting worse and we all know it's going to keep getting worse.
So, should we tell him his mind is degenerating? Will that 'help' in any way? Or are we better off continuing to deal with issues at face value one at a time?
My Dad has not been diagnosed with anything, and lives at home with my Mum. I moved back in with them last year (doesn't matter why, for some peace and quiet etc) but this will be temporary. Dad is late 70's, Mum is early 70's.
Dad has been going 'downhill' for 3-4 years now, initially it was a short term memory issue (he'd forget a conversation 20 minutes after having it etc), later it became a general cognitive issue (difficulty solving simple problems etc), he also does stuff like puts salad in his soup or wears gumboots into his bedroom. Lately he's become fearful, he sees problems where none exist and panics over them and it's difficult to persuade him that there's nothing to worry about.
So far we (my Mum, me, and my brother who lives nearby) deal with issues at face value as they present themselves, i.e, fix Dad's attempt at 'fixing' something, or repeatedly tell him that the thing he's worrying about doesn't exist. [An example: It's early spring over here, and the firewood shed is getting low although there's enough to last the season. Dad goes into the woodshed every day to bring in some wood for the stove and is the one who burns it. But, this morning he told me the firewood has disappeared. I told him it's gone up the chimney. He insists it's been removed, or been stolen and it's difficult to persuade him otherwise.]
So this brings me to my question. Is there ever any advantage telling someone with dementia (whether that's the correct term for my Dad or not, I'm not sure, either way it's a very significant age-induced reduction in cognition) that that is the real issue? What I'd really like to do is tell my Dad something like this...
"No dad, the firewood has not disappeared, it's been burned this winter by you, and your memory of what should be in the woodshed probably relates to the way it was 5 months ago in autumn. That's because you're nearly 80 and your memory has become very poor, it's a common thing to happen to people as they age. It's sad, but there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it and it's not your fault at all. So in future you should take other people's word for it when they disagree with you on a fact, they'll very likely be right and you'll very likely be wrong."
...or something like that, but I don't know if it's a good idea.
Some other points:-
a) My Dad has pride issues, he believes his Celtic genes are better/stronger than most and will have great difficulty believing that his brain could be degenerating, as it's not what's supposed to happen, it's what happens to other people, not him.
b) My Dad believes health issues are to a very large extent a result of lifestyle choices (he's very wrong, they're mostly genetic and/or random). Hence he would think dementia was his own fault.
Dementia for my Dad is incompatible with both those beliefs, this is in spite of the fact that my Dad's dad had dementia and had forgotten who my Dad was by the age of 78 (Dad went to visit his father overseas at that time and got the "Who are you?" treatment).
My Mum believes that Dad would find if extremely upsetting to be told that he's losing his marbles. It's not something that he would have considered even a remote possibility.
My Mum is coping at the moment, the dramas don't happen all the time, but it is getting worse and we all know it's going to keep getting worse.
So, should we tell him his mind is degenerating? Will that 'help' in any way? Or are we better off continuing to deal with issues at face value one at a time?