Just low in general I think. Need to snap out of it. Just had a couple of hours in the chair. Right here I go. xoxo
Emotionally shot
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lost
You took the words out of my mouth,I thought I was the only one in this world that could not cope.My world as it was has crumbled around me.Hope to see the so called light at the end of the tunnel soon.
You took the words out of my mouth,I thought I was the only one in this world that could not cope.My world as it was has crumbled around me.Hope to see the so called light at the end of the tunnel soon.
I have been caring for my wife who has vascular dementia and LBD for 9 years and for the last 5 years she has been bedridden. Since she is totally dependent on me I find the effort and constant attention needed to maintain even a modest intake of food, drink and medication very draining. The sudden onset of totally irrational refusal to cooperate and the long wait for any level of stability to return which might allow food /drink / medication to be given is my most stressful situation. Responsibility for a loved one's welfare and, ultimately, survival is one that keeps me awake at night.
It would be surprising if carers didn't experience despair, exhaustion and mental overload for quite a lot of the time - particularly as this cruel disease progresses. I wish I could offer more than sympathy and acute understanding.
It would be surprising if carers didn't experience despair, exhaustion and mental overload for quite a lot of the time - particularly as this cruel disease progresses. I wish I could offer more than sympathy and acute understanding.
Know how you feel
The way I cope is to seize every glimpse of the "old"mum and be grateful. Then treat each day as either a "good" day or not so good day. I agree it can be a roller coaster. I am so grateful that my mum is always polite and can smile even though she is at the the beginning of the later stages of Alzeihmer's
The way I cope is to seize every glimpse of the "old"mum and be grateful. Then treat each day as either a "good" day or not so good day. I agree it can be a roller coaster. I am so grateful that my mum is always polite and can smile even though she is at the the beginning of the later stages of Alzeihmer's
find life again
What is this magical plan you have I would like to hear something good about this life we have to lead.
What is this magical plan you have I would like to hear something good about this life we have to lead.
Breaking Point
I reached breaking point and decided it was time to do something about it as I was beginning to feel ill myself. The only respite is a few hors at day care on Saturdays, but I know I need more. Sometimes I want to get in the car and keep driving, but I know I cannot leave as my husband cannot help the way he is and I still love him to bits. I find little things set me off and I find myself shouting, I don't like myself as I feel I should be more understanding but how do you get over those moments. I have started to investigate respite for a couple of days so that I can recharge my batteries.
I reached breaking point and decided it was time to do something about it as I was beginning to feel ill myself. The only respite is a few hors at day care on Saturdays, but I know I need more. Sometimes I want to get in the car and keep driving, but I know I cannot leave as my husband cannot help the way he is and I still love him to bits. I find little things set me off and I find myself shouting, I don't like myself as I feel I should be more understanding but how do you get over those moments. I have started to investigate respite for a couple of days so that I can recharge my batteries.
Do you think it is worse when the problem is a partner than a parent? Mine is my husband so I can't discuss it with him. I discovered this morning that he has no memory of falling down the stairs and spending ten days in hospital in 2008. When I spoke about it he smiled and said, "You are making this up". I showed him the diary entries of that time to show it was true. He doesn't want to go out anywhere, so the carers who come three times a week are his only social life.
I have been looking after my Dad full time for over 4 years and I know exactly how you feel. I cry every day...where has my Dad gone. He was always the mildest mannered man now he is argumentative and awkward.....I get no help from my brother apart from him being nasty to me bcos my Dad has helped me a bit with money....but hey he lives with me and my solicitor says I am doing nothing wrong. I had to consult one bcos my brother started threatening me. But listen hang in there you are doing an amazing job....and never feel guilty. The one person I always used to talk to is now the person I can't talk to about this bcos it's my Dad...that is really sad. A book that has helped me is the one written by John Suchet about his wife....brilliant book. Good luck to everyone out there
Hi, I find what you say comforts me 1954. It sounds so familiar.
I know I couldn't have any elderly person live in my home. I need to put my happy marriage and 2 children first, they and I had suffered terribly for years, auntie first them mum.
I am a nurse and love my elderly patients, I have a real rapport. But with poor little mum... I feel so resentful.
I couldn't cope overseeing and coordinating her homecare that I brought her to live in a home near me, heading off a breakdown (for me ). She blames me of course and just cant understand why she is in the home. I chuckled when my bro tried to make her understand, cos she was impossible with him too. Mum is fit enough to run down the corridor of the home !
I find the recent antidepressants, CBT and acupuncture all help me, and I am well again.
The time is coming for you to enjoy your own family, this must be done with a sense of entitlement.MIL would want you to put yourselves first.
Chris
I know I couldn't have any elderly person live in my home. I need to put my happy marriage and 2 children first, they and I had suffered terribly for years, auntie first them mum.
I am a nurse and love my elderly patients, I have a real rapport. But with poor little mum... I feel so resentful.
I couldn't cope overseeing and coordinating her homecare that I brought her to live in a home near me, heading off a breakdown (for me ). She blames me of course and just cant understand why she is in the home. I chuckled when my bro tried to make her understand, cos she was impossible with him too. Mum is fit enough to run down the corridor of the home !
I find the recent antidepressants, CBT and acupuncture all help me, and I am well again.
The time is coming for you to enjoy your own family, this must be done with a sense of entitlement.MIL would want you to put yourselves first.
Chris
I know exactly how you feel. My mother has Alzheimers and vascular dementia and lives with me full-time. I have no other family to support me and, to be honest, sometimes it is just relentless. I feel a rotation of anger, frustration, distress and compassion, and seem to be permanently tired and stressed. Mum has just had two weeks' respite care and went quite significantly downhill afterwards, which I didn't expect. I think the sheer effort of trying to help people with Alzheimers, and to keep them occupied at all times is very draining, so what you are feeling I would think is perfectly understandable. We can only do the best we can ... no-one can expect more.
Respite and Carehomes aren't 'giving in '
My mother who had vas. d. has recently died. She had been in a (good) care home for 19 months. She lived in sheltered housing near us for 4 years with carers calling 3 times a day, and us visiting 6 days a week, and taking her out at least once a week. She wasn't all that badly affected really, but as I have a long term illness myself, we couldn't do more. She agreed fairly happily to go into residential care, as she liked the company and ever-present care when she went into respite and was losing interest in her own home. After a struggle she got funding from the county council; but what I now wish is that we had arranged more respite earlier on, and that I'd heeded sooner the hints that she had given that she liked care home life too.
It's only now, 2 months after her death, that I'm getting more problems with my own health. As others have said, it's often only afterwards that the strain of responsibilty hits you.
Get any help you can is my advice. My county provide carer's telephone support...see if yours does. If your GP isn't supportive, try others till you find a better one. Local charities sometimes have funds for respite if funds are low. Arrange respite for your loved one, and use the time to hunt high and low for help.
In their heart of hearts, your relative would want the best for you.
Love to you all,
Night-owl
Hullo everyone who's posted on this,
My mother who had vas. d. has recently died. She had been in a (good) care home for 19 months. She lived in sheltered housing near us for 4 years with carers calling 3 times a day, and us visiting 6 days a week, and taking her out at least once a week. She wasn't all that badly affected really, but as I have a long term illness myself, we couldn't do more. She agreed fairly happily to go into residential care, as she liked the company and ever-present care when she went into respite and was losing interest in her own home. After a struggle she got funding from the county council; but what I now wish is that we had arranged more respite earlier on, and that I'd heeded sooner the hints that she had given that she liked care home life too.
It's only now, 2 months after her death, that I'm getting more problems with my own health. As others have said, it's often only afterwards that the strain of responsibilty hits you.
Get any help you can is my advice. My county provide carer's telephone support...see if yours does. If your GP isn't supportive, try others till you find a better one. Local charities sometimes have funds for respite if funds are low. Arrange respite for your loved one, and use the time to hunt high and low for help.
In their heart of hearts, your relative would want the best for you.
Love to you all,
Night-owl
No you are not alone! My Mother has always been an extremely difficult person, self-absorbed hypochondriac, never shown me any love or affection. She lives next door to me, I have no-one else to care for her, no siblings, no relatives, no-one., I am shot to pieces. I cry every day, can't even be bothered to talk to her much these days because the conversation is exactly the same as it was yesterday, and the day before, ad infinitum. If she hears something she doesn't like she goes hysterical and either throws things around or tears her clothes to shreds. She refuses all help, refuses respite, refuses day centre. I am now very ill, emotionally drained, and resent caring for her. Does SS care, of course not. I have 5 wonderful days away next week with carers coming in, so they will get a taste of how her flat is like bomb has hit it when they come in because its usually me who clears it up. It's sounds uncaring but I really do hope she goes into one of her frightening tempers at them whilst I'm away or has a fall then they can deal with the fallout and not me.
Totally shot/drained/emotionally exhausted here too. Whatever you like to call it.
But I know we are not the only ones, and some people manage the most awful situations for far much longer then we have had to.
So we keep going between my mum me and my sister and give each other a little break from time to time.
That doesn't mean we don't cry a lot and feel so full up with it all that we can't function normally make every day decisions, and we crave a lovely warm sunny holiday with lots of lovely wine! But we know that day will come so we have to keep going for the time being.
In the mean time we are trying to get more home care in , more time at the day centre, and looking for respite (although virtually impossible) and full time residential home for Dad but they are all full
But I know we are not the only ones, and some people manage the most awful situations for far much longer then we have had to.
So we keep going between my mum me and my sister and give each other a little break from time to time.
That doesn't mean we don't cry a lot and feel so full up with it all that we can't function normally make every day decisions, and we crave a lovely warm sunny holiday with lots of lovely wine! But we know that day will come so we have to keep going for the time being.
In the mean time we are trying to get more home care in , more time at the day centre, and looking for respite (although virtually impossible) and full time residential home for Dad but they are all full
short and long-term memory loss.
Dear GA, I sympathise with you completely. My husband has more lucid days, but on less lucid ones, and more frequently lately, he will say the same thing about an event we were both at years ago - deny it, and say he was with someone else, as if I am not that person he was with then, or, as you say, deny it happened. I too show him evidence to confirm it happended, but don't press too much. Now I tend to agree to anything if he is in one of his phases!
I dread night-times now because he doesn't know where he is in the bedroom and bathroom area- he thinks we are in a different building. He is suspicious of losing his 'stuff' - i.e. wallet, keys, and cannot unpack them from his shorts when he has taken them off. I am constantly reminding him. A strain, but I am getting used to this need he has.
However, I think diet changes can help some if he can be persuaded to them. I have researched diet requirements and we supplement with more daily vitamins B6. B12, and minerals - the trace elements, eat more raw foods and a balanced diet, including daily licorice and dried soaked apricots to keep 'regular'! Don't want to poison the brain with constipation!
we also do bed exercises - on the bed together in the morning if we feel like it - raising arms, legs, cycling in the air, lifting bum off bed with heels up to bum...holding heels off the bed, lifting head and shoulders off bed, holding for a count, turning head from side to side to free neck muscles, whatever I can think of in counted sets, counted out loud. We feel good after, and it keeps the systems moving. I am so glad I thought of it recently, and that he agreed.
Hope this has been helpful. We are all at different stages of caring. Lots of love and hugs, Lilian.
Dear GA, I sympathise with you completely. My husband has more lucid days, but on less lucid ones, and more frequently lately, he will say the same thing about an event we were both at years ago - deny it, and say he was with someone else, as if I am not that person he was with then, or, as you say, deny it happened. I too show him evidence to confirm it happended, but don't press too much. Now I tend to agree to anything if he is in one of his phases!
I dread night-times now because he doesn't know where he is in the bedroom and bathroom area- he thinks we are in a different building. He is suspicious of losing his 'stuff' - i.e. wallet, keys, and cannot unpack them from his shorts when he has taken them off. I am constantly reminding him. A strain, but I am getting used to this need he has.
However, I think diet changes can help some if he can be persuaded to them. I have researched diet requirements and we supplement with more daily vitamins B6. B12, and minerals - the trace elements, eat more raw foods and a balanced diet, including daily licorice and dried soaked apricots to keep 'regular'! Don't want to poison the brain with constipation!
we also do bed exercises - on the bed together in the morning if we feel like it - raising arms, legs, cycling in the air, lifting bum off bed with heels up to bum...holding heels off the bed, lifting head and shoulders off bed, holding for a count, turning head from side to side to free neck muscles, whatever I can think of in counted sets, counted out loud. We feel good after, and it keeps the systems moving. I am so glad I thought of it recently, and that he agreed.
Hope this has been helpful. We are all at different stages of caring. Lots of love and hugs, Lilian.
I popped in here today wanting to say I'm running on my last trickle of adrenalin and my last dregs of willpower. And I found a whole crowd of us, all feeling the same.If all the tired Carers and all their innocent carees lined up, do you think we might stretch from Land's End to John a Groats?
Chins up everyone, we have each other!
