I've started to consider care homes for mum, letting my head rule rather than my heart. Such a hard decision to make. I always said only when she didn't know me would I make the decision, I don't get any time with my husband or grown up daughters, I always thought that when it got bad you wouldn't know you had dementia, for the past weeks mum is really scared, doesn't know where she is but tells me that there is nothing in her head and that she is loosing her mind. I always though she wouldn't know, today has been particularly difficult she hasn't known who I am or my children, she even makes things up or has hallucinations. She has been awake since 7am today and still can't go to sleep because she is afraid of being in a strange room (its her own room) I'm up every 15 mins reassuring her. Does anyone know how homes cope? Do they medicate people to sleep or do they sit and comfort them, I couldn't bare the thought of her being left afraid at night,
struggling
- Thread starter yoyo
- Start date
Hello yoyo
I don`t know how homes cope but they do.
They are not allowed to medicate without a doctor and medication is frowned on these days.
What the homes can do which you can not is provide a team of experienced carers who will take turns in caring for your mother, whereas you are doing it all by yourself.
I have seen the care and comfort in a good home. You need not worry. You can always visit and see for yourself.
I don`t know how homes cope but they do.
They are not allowed to medicate without a doctor and medication is frowned on these days.
What the homes can do which you can not is provide a team of experienced carers who will take turns in caring for your mother, whereas you are doing it all by yourself.
I have seen the care and comfort in a good home. You need not worry. You can always visit and see for yourself.
thank you, I guess I don't want to give up, only to find that they are giving her something. I've just asked my husband to stop closing all the doors as he's unsettling her, she really is fretting and scared. then I feel awful for telling him off. Its so sad to see her this way
Hi yoyo
Would Mum get some comfort from a soft toy / teddy bear that was hers to keep with her at all times? Others have also found that some people can be comforted by something like a baby doll. The sufferers maternal instincts can kick in and they believe the doll is a baby which they then care for.
It doesn't work with everyone but soft toys can be such a comfort at any age.
I hope you manage to find some way to reassure Mum.
Would Mum get some comfort from a soft toy / teddy bear that was hers to keep with her at all times? Others have also found that some people can be comforted by something like a baby doll. The sufferers maternal instincts can kick in and they believe the doll is a baby which they then care for.
It doesn't work with everyone but soft toys can be such a comfort at any age.
I hope you manage to find some way to reassure Mum.
My mum sometimes doesn't recognise that her bedroom is her own room and she thinks she is staying in someone else's house. We just say to her that she will be staying here tonight and we will sort something out tomorrow. When tomorrow arrives, she has forgotten about the night before. We leave a night light on and the hall light as well so if she does wake during the night she is not in the dark. My mum does take sleep aids though which help.
Really? I will give it a try, she loves having a white teddy by her bed. its just that she is aware of how she feels, and says I am a cry baby I'll try and stop. will let you know how I go. xx
Yes I've left a light on tonight, she's the same in the day though. I think its taken me by surprise because you hear of people being diagnosed and then the final stages - its this middle bit that's hard, I really believed they wouldn't experience realizing it, she says 'I'm loosing my mind' I keep telling her its the tablets that she's taking for pain and that all will be well soon. what are sleep aids? thank you for responding x
I agree the middle bit is hard. My husband never had much insight but he used to speak of feeling 'lost'. And all he had to do was 'get his memory back'. So heartbreaking.As far as CH's go my Husband isn't overly medicated-he still wakes up at night (he sleeps between 1/2 hour-2 hours at a stretch. so he doesn't disturb the others he's taken downstairs where he wanders around until he nods off sitting in a chair.
I have nothing but praise for my Husband's CH.I visit everyday at different times to see everything is ok. I've even listened at the front door when I've left the building and I hear the carers reassuring P that I will be back tomorrow.
Perhaps you could try some respite? I know it's hard.
Take care Lyn T
I have nothing but praise for my Husband's CH.I visit everyday at different times to see everything is ok. I've even listened at the front door when I've left the building and I hear the carers reassuring P that I will be back tomorrow.
Perhaps you could try some respite? I know it's hard.
Take care Lyn T
Hi Yoyo,
I am at exactly the same stage as you in considering care homes and totally agree that it is such a hard decision to make. I live with my 87 year old mother. Over the past month she has become increasingly anxious and frequently does not want me out of her sight. Even when I leave her with a sitter or a good friend to go out for an hour, she has a panic attack and I have to come home immediately. I have been worrying how being in a home would help her and have found some of the responses to your post comforting. I have been asking her doctor/ mental health team if her medication can be increased or changed so that I can cope for longer with having her at home but it is difficult because mum refuses to go to hospital to see the consultant. I too do not want to think of mum being upset in a CH, when all she wants is me but if I cannot get any rest at all I know I will not be able to continue being her sole carer indefinitely. I do hope you are able to find the best solution possible for your mum, you and your family.
I am at exactly the same stage as you in considering care homes and totally agree that it is such a hard decision to make. I live with my 87 year old mother. Over the past month she has become increasingly anxious and frequently does not want me out of her sight. Even when I leave her with a sitter or a good friend to go out for an hour, she has a panic attack and I have to come home immediately. I have been worrying how being in a home would help her and have found some of the responses to your post comforting. I have been asking her doctor/ mental health team if her medication can be increased or changed so that I can cope for longer with having her at home but it is difficult because mum refuses to go to hospital to see the consultant. I too do not want to think of mum being upset in a CH, when all she wants is me but if I cannot get any rest at all I know I will not be able to continue being her sole carer indefinitely. I do hope you are able to find the best solution possible for your mum, you and your family.
My Mum has been in a care home since last November. She wakes at night and gets up. The carers try to get her to go back to bed but if she won't then they settle her in a recliner in the lounge and she usually drops off to sleep again. The care home manager said they don't like giving sleep medication because of the risk of falls.
Mum also gets very anxious at times and isn't sure what she should be doing and the carers are all aware of this and will reassure her.
Mum also gets very anxious at times and isn't sure what she should be doing and the carers are all aware of this and will reassure her.
I really don't know how to put this Today has been most unusual!! woke mum the same as usual, washed, dressed and toileted her, my girls all around getting ready for special days out so lots of rollers and hairspray. Took mum for a walk in the wheelchair along with my 2 grandsons. when we settled back home she was well.. just different, less demanding. one of my girls sat with her tonight to give me a break and while she has been confused and telling stories there has been none of the anxiety and wanting drinks etc. suggested sleep at 10 and she's gone straight off, cannot believe the past 4 weeks. I'm going quick to get an early night. will answer all the lovely post tomorrow. night night and love to you all x
Today has been most unusual!! woke mum the same as usual, washed, dressed and toileted her, my girls all around getting ready for special days out so lots of rollers and hairspray. Took mum for a walk in the wheelchair along with my 2 grandsons. when we settled back home she was well.. just different, less demanding. one of my girls sat with her tonight to give me a break and while she has been confused and telling stories there has been none of the anxiety and wanting drinks etc. suggested sleep at 10 and she's gone straight off, cannot believe the past 4 weeks. I'm going quick to get an early night. will answer all the lovely post tomorrow. night night and love to you all xHi Dunkery. Its hard isn't it. Are you on your own caring or with family? I do have a very supportive family, I often wonder how families on their own cope without the family support. I have requested a home visit for mum from the mental health team because of her mobility but I don't see why you can't do the same. surely getting a nights sleep is better for both you and your mum, hope things settle soon for you. x
Yes I am on my own in terms of having no other relatives but do have good friends, who support me as much as they can. However, mum will not let them do anything for her. I am lucky in that although mum will not usually go to bed until 10.30/11.00pm, once she is in bed she usually sleeps through the night. The mental health team do visit, but again mum just tells them she is fine and that I can go out whenever I like! I am thinking of asking them to come when I am out and the sitter is here so they can see just what happens. They are advising me to start looking around at care homes, and to see a solicitor about getting Power of Attorney,but if I cannot go out that too is going to be difficult. I am hoping they will phone tomorrow.I am going to ask if they think a change of medication is needed. She is on Trazodone Hydrochloride and Lorazapam for depression/anxiety. I'm glad to see you had a better day yesterday. Actually mum was a little less anxious as well-perhaps there was something in the air-lol! Hope you are having a good day today as well. Take care. x
Welcome Vesnina. I hope you find it helpful to view posts on this forum. It can be sad to read other posts but hopefully you will find it a small source of comfort too, being able to communicate with others who have similar challenges to your own. I have just started using music a bit more on the advice of the support worker from the Alzheimer's Society, and agree with you that it does help mum and myself. Take care.
Music (and food) are my Husband's only remaining pleasures. Music is something we can still share.
Take care
Lyn T
Hi and welcome Vesnina. I am quite new to the group too but have found it really helpful, gives you a clearer picture of things. The other night was a one off, last night being one of the worst when she got out of bed and snapped the catheter. I have been to see a home not far and it was lovely all seemed really supportive I was surprised and comforted by the visit. I am going to try a week for now, I have some money through direct payments that was for a holiday for me, but I think I'll use it to give me a break and to see how mum copes with a little trip. Thank you for all your comments advice and support. love to all out there tonight x
