New to Dementia

[funkymonkey]

Hi

My dad who is 58yrs old has just been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. It has taken my mum 4yrs to finally get someone to take notice of her.

I am the eldest child and only daughter and very close to my parents. I have 2 children and one on the way and feel very guilty because i can't offer as much help as i used too.

I was just browsing the web looking for info on Vascular Dementia and came across this forum. It would be so nice to chat to people who are in a similar situation as i find other members of my family and friends don't really want to listen when i talk about my feelings.

I am scared for my dad, my mum and for me!

 

[Grannie G]

WElcome to TP.

Your dad is very young and it must have been really difficult for your mum to get a diagnosis.

Unfortunately, we are hearing of more and more younger people being diagnosed. My husband is not one of the younger ones, but I just wanted to welcome you.

You will doubtless be hearing from quite a few others in similar situations to you, who have young families and are in full time work. There is a lot of guilt around because you are unable to give the support you feel you should be giving, but you can only do your best.

It is sad , so many supposedly good friends and family members are unable to cope with the devastation that is Alzheimers/Vascular Dementia. Here, you will be among friends who do care, who understand your pain and are interested in your feelings and experiences.

Does your mother use a computer? If so, please encourage her to register. I feel sure she will be helped by sharing.

Take care of yourself, and stay in contact.

Love xx

 

[funkymonkey]

Thank you Grannie G.

My mum does have a computer and i have emailed her the web address.

Thank you for taking the time to reply and i do hope i can chat with others

x

 

[Skye]

Hi Funkymonkey

Just wanted to welcome you too. There's almost always someone here to reply tp ypu, although we're not strictly a chat room.

You might like to look at the Younger People forum, as your dad is so young, and Tea Room if you just want to relax. But you can post to any forum you like.

I hope you can persuade your mum to join us, I'm sure you'll both find lots of friends here.

Love,

 

[Taffy]

Hello and welcome, really sorry to hear about your dad, it all seems so unfair, he is still so young but sadly their are many young people with dementia.You mustn't feel guilty as your parents would expect that your responsibilities lie first with your young family,and even though hands on you may not be able to do as much as before, emotionally you'll be there and that accounts for alot.You have found a great place for help and support and I wish you and mum the very best in caring for your dad.Taffy.

 

[Tender Face]

I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's diagnosis and empathise that you - and indeed your mum - must be feeling terribly 'torn' ....I was pregnant with my only child when my father became seriously ill (not dementia) years ago .... and recall how my mum was wracked with guilt because she couldn't help ME more in his early years when other grandmas might have been more 'hands-on' because of the attention dad needed. I've admitted before, too, to an element of resentment (which I'm not proud of) that dad's illness (emphasis on illness - not my dad whom I adored) ...... probably diverted too much of my own attention at times from my child ......

I admit to finding it so difficult being 'sandwiched' between caring for two generations ..... I find the biggest stress (apart from all the emotional fallout) is constantly juggling and prioritising everyone's needs ..... and then forgetting I have some of my own!

On a more positive note, what I also remember is how much pleasure a grandchild could bring and what a 'lift' a new baby brought to the sadness in the family surrounding my dad's diagnosis.

Do you have the support of your younger sibling(s)???

Love, Karen (TF), x

 

[Kathleen]

I am scared for my dad, my mum and for me!

Hello funkymonkey

I am sorry your Dad has this horrible illness when he is so young.

At least now you have a diagnosis so can get the help you need.

You sound like a very caring daughter who your Mum and Dad must be very proud of. I hope your younger brothers are supportive too.

Don't be scared, just take it step by step and remember there is always someone on here so if you need to offload your worries, share a good day or ask any amount of questions, your in the perfect place.

This site has been a life-line for me at times, everyone here is on the same journey, at different stages too, so advice, comfort, pats on the back and virtual hugs are just a click away.

Kathleen
x

 

[Margarita]

I am the eldest child and only daughter and very close to my parents. I have 2 children and one on the way and feel very guilty because i can't offer as much help as i used too.

Try to not feel Guilty , even thought I know how hard it is not to go down that road.

Main thing is that , your mother and you now know what is wrong with your father, so now can more forward in trying to get all the support .

I know with my local AZ group they have a young Vascular Dementia support group that meet up every mouth .

You could ring up your local group and see if they run one , as its good to meet other people in real life that are in the same situation as you & you can find out from each other what support they is in your area .

Just look at your area in Oxfordshire, stroll down & it tell you all the support , they is in your area . Look like a good site about young Vascular Dementia

http://www.thecliveproject.org.uk/eod.htm

PS welcome to TP and pop in for a chat anytime , this site is great to let of stress get info , relishing your never alone because we are always hear supporting each other

 

[funkymonkey]

Thank you to everyone for your replies x

 

[biggles]

Hi So sorry to hear about your Dad like you I'm a new carer new to all the problems but having found TP it has been such a god send to me sure you will find the same you can relate to others and from their experiences learn I feel so much better from others experienced being part of this wide group of people who are just there for you take care best wishes to you and your mum biggles